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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BoneAndDream Offline
The Metal Guitarist
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It's only me, and that hurts. - June 2nd 2011, 01:21 AM

me, against everyone and everything else. im ALONE. there's nobody that cares about me. i have nobody there for me when i fall, so i just hit the fucking ground face first. people just cant stand being around me. i guess nobody wants to be around a depressed borderline misanthrope who has no self esteem or self-confidence. that just makes me more depressed. i keep slipping further away from coming out of this. i wont be saved...

i can tell you for a fact that most of the people in my grade that i go to school with have had girlfriends already or currently have one. dont give me that "oh youre too young" bullshit, because you arent in my exact situation, and i am so I know for sure what's going on around me. i have eyes.

girls, girls, girls.
when it comes to that, i know NOTHING. clueless on how to do this thing called "flirting" with them. even though i see guys around me doing it all the time. what it really comes down to is that i have no balls. i can't approach one of them. i say stupid things or not say things correctly or my voice cracks because im scared shitless and sweating and i just embarrass myself. then i just sit there looking like a stupid fuck. i look back on all the times this happened and want to decorate the wall with my fucking brains.

even if i could by some miracle manage to carry on a conversation longer than 30 seconds with one of them, there would be no conversation because i have NOTHING in common with any of the girls i go to school with. (dont say to meet girls other places than school because all i do at home is play video games and use the computer. no social life) im a metal kid. i listen to grindcore and death metal. i wear black and a chain. i hate MTV, most of the girls in my school are preppy therefore brainwashed by it.
what im saying here is if that 1% chance of a girl wanting to be anywhere near me actually happened, it would be silence because that "having things in common" factor is missing.
i hate myself.
christ it hurts..

and it's my fucking birthday in a few hours.

"Happy birthday you broken child.
Of the barbed ribs and the poison heart."-Pig Destroyer
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NevermindMe Offline
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Re: It's only me, and that hurts. - June 2nd 2011, 01:50 AM

Dude. I get the pain. I really get it.
My self esteem is shit, my friends are mostly shit I mean I only see two of them a couple times a year, having a girlfriend is shit. It's all stupid.

You know what though? Their eighth grade girlfriends won't last, their "Best friends" won't last, self esteem never lasts, nothing lasts forever, much less something in grade school, which would never last even 12 months.

You want to be serious and everyone else is ****ing around. "Let's get shit done and maybe have fun." is the mindset, no one else quite gets it.

You could say that I get it. PM message me if you need anything.

- Justin

"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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Re: It's only me, and that hurts. - June 2nd 2011, 03:11 AM

I'm sorry that you feel that way..

But maybe you aren't giving anyone a chance? You seem so quick to just write off the girls at your school as MTV addicts, when you probably overlook the fact that a small amount them are the ones that are really that way.

As for the self esteem, just remember that if she says no, she says no, and she isn't worth your time, what Justin said about girlfriends not lasting in eight grade? 100%. They won't last, they're probably really shallow relationships to begin with and...everyone is naive.

I don't think anyone would tell you that you're too young, just because of the fact that most of us have been in the same situation.

If you can't meet any girls at school but you aren't willing to go anywhere and have a social life, I'm not sure where you expect to find someone that you have anything in common with? Just don't worry too much about girls..because someday you'll end up finding one who isn't shallow and who you can talk to for hours.

If you need anything you can PM me.

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