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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bailatyvm Offline
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my story. - June 5th 2011, 12:02 AM

I think it's really important to share your life stories, no matter how crappy they may be? Am I right? Because if you know what someone else has gone through, you might have something to identify with, and you won't feel nearly as alone as you did before.

When I was little my parents had a lot of rage built up towards each other, and they would always take it out on me. It made me really..hurt from a young age. I mean, I would always feel absolutely horrible.

Then I grew up, and I got to middle school (as grown up as a middle schooler is, anyway.) and they were still attacking me, mentally and physically. But I wanted to make them feel my pain, so I decided to just stop eating. Maybe that would get to them. Maybe after they called me stupid for so long they could see that I could hurt MYSELF rather than them hurting me. I don't really know. But I got myself out of that one eventually, realizing that that wasn't the smartest move. But I survived middle school. I just let school be my escape, and seeing how my best friends were there with me, it was easy.

High school hit. Freshman year. I hated everything. I hated school. I hated my house. I hated that I had no escape. I hated all of the unhappiness and loneliness I was feeling. I hated how ugly I was. I felt abandoned, by everyone. I would cry until I got sick. I would honestly feel no escape. So I got into cutting. It was seriously the only thing that would numb out my life. But eventually..even numbness got painful. What was wrong with me?? I'd always ask myself. Why am I such a screw up? What the heck am I doing here? I felt like a failure. Somehow, that summer, I got my life together, and I actually felt happiness.

Then boom. Sophomore year. My best friend completely dropped me, then changed everything about herself for her new group of friends, chopped off all of her hair, got a blue streak, got a boyfriend that she makes out with every few seconds, and decided she was bisexual. After being one of those sweet girls that was on the dance team, she changed everything and decided she couldn't stand me. Which made me not trust anyone for a good while. Then that depression I'd felt the previous year? Came back full force, possibly even DOUBLE what it had been the previous year. My grades dropped; the straight A student I had been the year before was now getting C's. I gave up trying. I had no motivation, I had no energy. I couldn't go out with my friends; I couldn't stand anyone at my school. I was a jerk. A tired, grumpy jerk. I completely forgot what happiness felt like. I really just didn't care anymore.


Then one of my dance teachers took me out for lunch, told me about her depression when she was younger, and completely changed my life. I had someone to go to that would UNDERSTAND. I slowly learned to trust again, my grades went back up, and while the depression hits me sometimes and I just don't know if I can keep going, I know I have someone I can go to, that won't judge me.

And I guess that's why I'm sharing my story here. Because someone else's story completely changed my life. Trust me when I say I UNDERSTAND depression. I understand eating disorders. I understand self-harm. I understand addiction. But coming through it makes you stronger. You just have to find someone to go to to help you through those tough times. I went to her every day for a few months before I finally had learned enough to start making it on my own.

I want to be there for you, too, no matter how you are in life. PM me if you need to. Don't hesitate at all. Don't ever be ashamed to ask for help. Because it could be the one thing that you need at this point.


--
searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
--
   
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bnwhite Offline
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Re: my story. - June 5th 2011, 02:29 AM

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story with all of TH. I'm sure this is going to have an impact on reader's. It's nice to know that there's someone out there that does understand.


"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life." --John Lennon

"What matters isn't that you fell, but that you got back up. No matter how many times it takes, it's that you get back up. We fall down and all isn't lost." --Renee Yohe
   
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NevermindMe Offline
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Re: my story. - June 5th 2011, 03:38 AM

I will be sure to keep you on my PM list. It's nice to know someone is open.

My PM box is also open for anyone.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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