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annalibelle Offline
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Is it bad that I don't care If I die? - June 5th 2011, 12:52 AM

Soo... long pointless story and you don't want to hear it, but anyways....
I'm depressed again. the general listlessness and sleeping forever and inability to do actual work. I honestly wouldn't care right now if I died. Although for a long time I've felt that way. Note: not suicidal, I wouldn't do it.. but if there was an accident I wouldn't care.
I'm sorta stressed but its not like it's bad. SAT IIs, just took them. And finals and quarterlies. I failed all the piano exams and auditions I went to, but I'm beyond caring.
I'm never good enough, and I care too much.
I'm really awkward and touchy.
I always over analyze people's reactions and think that everyone hates me.
I'm on that track to be all successful and all, but i wish something happened to me, so other people could say at my funeral how good i was, instead how not good enough I am. People seem to be nicer after you're dead
Every time I talk about this though, I feel like I'm fishing for compliments. I dont WANT people to tell me I'm good enough because I know I;m not. I just want to stop feeling this way.
Haha Now I feel all Holden Caufield-ish

"Every mushroom cloud has a silver lining"- Owl City
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Re: Is it bad that I don't care If I die? - June 5th 2011, 01:14 AM

I'm sorry that you feel like that, but being honest I know the feeling.
I get what you mean about not being suicidal but at the same time not caring, and it sucks. You should care about your own life. I mean, there's always something to live for, you just have to find yours.

I over analyze everyone too, I'll stress for twenty minutes because I think I said the wrong thing even though the other person had to pee before they texted back or something.

If people aren't nice to you now, and don't realize how worth your life you are, then they aren't worth your time. I bet you anything that you are good enough, and sometimes, there's nothing wrong with fishing for compliments. Sometimes we need them.
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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: Is it bad that I don't care If I die? - June 5th 2011, 01:19 AM

haha, don't worry, whenever I get that way I'm like 'do you love me? are we friends? do you like me at all?' to like everyone I know. it's normal. I'm sorry you've snapped into this, and hope you'll get through it soon <3 keep talking about your feelings; most helpful thing you can do!

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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