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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
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No Hope - June 5th 2011, 08:01 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've lost all hope for things getting better. Each day they only get worse, and worse. I've lost everything that I wanted, and now, I'm even losing my home. So the whole, "at least you have a roof over your head" isn't about to apply to me anymore. I've lost my friends either to college, growing apart, and some I've pushed away out of fear. Either way, I've lost almost all contact with them. I sit alone everyday, thinking, maybe things can still get better.

My dad wants nothing to do with me. He's made that very clear, but he continues to try and act like he does just so the rest of my family doesn't think he's an ass. I'm done being around him. He's cold hearted and does nothing but say nasty things to me.

My mom is a complete bitch and only does what she wants. She's tricked me over and over and lied endlessly. I've been told false promises that never came true. She rubs things in my face and if I try to fight back I get slapped in the face. As long as I keep my mouth shut she won't be violent, but if I fight back I'll get another busted lip.

I have NO ONE to turn to and no where to go. I have no job, and my mom who I live with or else she'll play guilt games with me, doesn't have one either. She fucking quit her job to get a career change and now can't find shit. So she has a few months to decide what happens next. Shelter? Trailer? Don't know yet. She says NOW I can go stay with my dad who now hates my guts. Apparently no one wants me. I can't stay with my grandfather cuz he doesn't want me there either. I could stay with my other grandparents, but they'd force me to go see my dad cuz he lies to them and they don't know and refuse to believe that he's cruel to me.

I'm getting so sick of my boyfriend and all of his lies. I keep trying to leave, but I'm addicted to him like cocaine!

There's no one out there who can help me. I feel like I've tried everything. I can't find a job either so I can't support myself and no one is willing to help me. I'm quitting school now too because I can't afford to keep going. I can't drive my car that my grandparents got me because my mom is cancelling the insurance and I don't even have enough gas.

I have to fight memories of the past and wars of the present. I'm not inerested in having to continue this suffering in the future when there are no options available to me. What the fuck am I supposed to do? There's no hope left for me. I really think this is where I should end. Suicide is all I've been thinking about lately. I've been thinking of the perfect plan. I have to make sure I do this just right. There's no room for error. I have a few good ideas. I'm becoming obsessed with killing myself. It's the only thing that makes me keep thinking. I have to think to do this right. other than that, I swear my mind would have been lost by now. Suicide is the only hope that I feel like I have. My only way out of this world that I want nothing to do with. I hate it with every once of my being. I want out. I need out. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore. All of my hope has been crushed.

It's just a matter of time now.

Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No Hope - June 5th 2011, 09:22 PM

The good news about when things get their worst: It can only get better. I know you are going through a rough time, but hope is something that comes from within, you just have to keep on going. Just think one more day.
And you're only thinking about the bad. Think about all the good things in life that have gotten you to this point: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/
I know it's hard now, but you have your friends, and TH. Just hang in there, keep swimming.
PM me if you ever need. <3

I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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Re: No Hope - June 5th 2011, 10:42 PM

I'm sorry that everything is going so badly, just remember the positives.

Think about the future and where you want to be, what you want to do with your life. I promise that it's going to be okay. I think first is get everything out of your life that you can that makes you unhappy. If you know that being with your boyfriend is bad for you and you don't want to be with him anymore then don't.

Find something that makes you happy, going on walks, or find somewhere that you can go, somewhere happy. If you want to talk you can PM me. <3 it'll get better hun..
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No Hope - June 6th 2011, 12:58 AM

time is a powerful thing. as cliched as it sounds, time does heal everything. People do care, people will listen, and people will help you. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this right now, but keep your head up. I know its hard but if you can try to stay positive, in time things will slowly start to change. Are there any places in walking distance where you can apply to get a job? Having a job will also give you an outlet from home for a while.

if you need anything at all PM me. i'm here for you
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