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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
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I finally want to do it with all my heart... - June 6th 2011, 07:42 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey...

I've been suicidal a lot of my life. I think about it a lot, always have.

But now, with things in my life, I'm literally having to catch myself because I do automatically... I want to not be alive anymore, so bad.

The flashbacks, are too bad. I can't deal with work, my family, my emotions. No matter what, for the rest of my life I'll have times I feel like this. And even two days of this is not worth a life time of happiness.

I don't know what to do... I have a therapist appoint on the 17th, but I can't tell them, if I even make it that long. I won't be honest to the people around me, because last time the hospital made me so much worse. I won't ever do that again.

What do I do?



The best wayout is always through~
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heretic Offline
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Re: I finally want to do it with all my heart... - June 6th 2011, 08:05 AM

Right, so. First and foremost, I'm giving you this.

My first piece of advice is my strongest, and therefore is probably the most difficult: Be patient. I've found in myself that one of the things I struggle with the most is uncertainty created by lack of immediate action. However, life forces us to wait for things far more often than we'd like. You have every right (and probably very fair reason) to be wary of seeing a therapist, but you can also keep in mind the things that you think went wrong last time, and explain them outright as soon as you start. It's very difficult for a therapist to do his/her job without gaining your trust. So if you can assert that the trust needs to be earned, the therapist can respond appropriately.

When you're talking to the therapist, pace yourself. If you're not ready to say something yet, don't say it. This is for your benefit, and you decide what you do about any given question that you're asked. You have every right to not answer a question (although if you elect to do so, I think it's fair that you at least tell the therapist you're uncomfortable answering), as well as to call out the therapist on anything that might be offensive, triggering or hurtful.

Take each day as it comes. The more you jump ahead of yourself, the more you worry about things that either have yet to transpire, or won't happen at all. There are few things you can do about things that have yet to happen, because you can never know exactly how or even if they will happen. By all means, plan and prepare, but if you go into a situation expecting something bad to happen, you'll probably find a way to make it bad.

Flashbacks are difficult. I think I know at least some of what you're talking about, and while I haven't had the same experiences as you, I understand the same general premise. I usually write down what it is I've seen and heard in my mind. It's up to you what you do with what you've written down. You could keep it for future reference on your thoughts and emotions. You could tear it up, burn it, or otherwise destroy it for the symbolic methodology. Or you could give it to someone else to read, and get their thoughts on it. I've done all three of these with various flashbacks and dreams, and while it doesn't get rid of them, it's made them easier to cope with and accept.

I'm quite sure you know how to reach me if you need to.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Casey. Offline
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Re: I finally want to do it with all my heart... - June 14th 2011, 03:19 AM

Firstly,

Secondly, you have my phone number. Don't be afraid to use it. (And if you lost it, hit me up on FB and I'll give it to you again).

Thirdly. You don't have to tell your therapist if you don't want to. But lying isn't a good idea. If they bring it up, just tell them that you really rather talk about something else. Bring it up when you are ready, unless it is absolutely pressing, and only then.

Flashbacks. Flashbacks are a bitch. They won't ever really go away for good, but they do get better after a while and you can learn to handle them so that they do not effect you so badly. Take a break from life if you need to, take a mental health day and just do something healthy for yourself if you can.

Maria, I love you girl. A lot. I wish we hadn't fallen so out of touch that I knew what was going on, but I don't. I do know that I'm still here for you, anytime you need me. You can get through this lovely. You are stronger than the shit bringing you down. I know you are. Just take a deep breathe and hang in there. <3


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


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