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Question over the edge. - June 6th 2011, 07:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I donno where to start. I've always been a cheerful girl.. lots of friends.. loving family.. topper of the class.. you get the idea. I moved away from my parents when i was 13 because my dad had to move to another state and I couldn't adjust there.. there was a lot of harassment because the girls didn't accept me there. So i went back and stayed with my grandparents. Now i'm 18 and I live in a separate flat, albeit with my relatives in the same apartment. I sleep and spend most of my time alone. Though i dont love it there, my gran and all are loving and i am fine with it.
I have been in a relationship since 3 years and the guy is perfect and loving. just that we aren't right for each other, not by a far shot. We like different things and think differently.. and fight much and often. But we want to make this work since both of us love each other a lot. The relationship has grown more stressful lately.
I am not very strong physically. I have been suffering with a debilitating migraine for years and have sleepwalked thrice till now. The first two times didn't get me outta even the bedroom so i dint bother seeing a doc. But the last time, a couple of months ago, i walked all the way till the main door. I woke up just in time to find myself staring out of the door at 4 AM in the morning.
I freaked out when i woke up because i live in the pent house of a 5 storeyed building. and am terrified of falling.
(my psychiatrist suggested that i ask my relatives to lock the house from outside every night for a few months.)
Oh yeah.. I have terrible nightmares too.
In the first two weeks of May, i've been subject to emotional blows- found out things i wasnt supposed to.. it isnt much or serious. but still they disturbed me and i am unable to talk to anyone abt them.
I've been experiencing heart palpitations for a couple of months and so saw a doctor, i'm on my vacation with my parents.
I've been through tests and have been diagnosed with the following issues.
Mitral Valve Prolapse (not classic)
PCOD
Fibro cysts
Gilbert's syndrome
and depression.
and some symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Doctor says i am basically anxiety prone and all these issues stemmed out of that- Somatoform disorder.
you see these are a lotta things to find out at a go. even though none of them are fatal, they demand dietary restrictions and I'm on anti depressants.
The fact that i'm on anti depressants is depressing me further.
though i've never been suicidal and would've never mustered the guts for self harm, lately i've been catching myself thinking of 'how it would feel if the knife cuts my skin' etc.
One of the side effects of my meds in increase in suicidal thoughts... so i stopped the medicine.
but i am not able to get rid of thinking so much and getting worked up.. I dont want to be depressed...
even though my friends and boyfriend sympathize and try to agree, I'm getting pissed too often and am worried/nervous/sad most of the time without reason.
my psychiatrist keeps asking me if i was sexually abused as a kid. I dont remember anything of the sort and it's freaking me out furthermore.
I know everything will be alright but i think i am going over the brink..
HELP!
1. I dont want to be depressed.. I am into social service and stuff and am so busy I would've never imagined that i am depressed
2. Even though we haven't had sex (and wont for quite some time), my boyfriend and i are just two steps below it. My medicines also make me completely lose interest in anything to do with sex and i donno how to explain this to him. I'm on these tablets for another 6 months.
3. I am going through different emotions like guilt, pain and sorrow due to various incidents but i cant talk to anyone abt them.
4. I wonder when all of this will stop because i am ambitious and successful and cant afford to be unproductive.

Thanks for reading all that patiently.. please help me.... i donno if i even need help or not. But a kind word would definitely make me better.
Thank you.
   
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Re: over the edge. - June 6th 2011, 08:10 PM

Hi sweetie. Its interesting what your psychiatrist asked. I believe the reason (and I am by no means a professional) Your symptoms and health problems seem to be coming in a sort of domino effect fashion. Now, I am not suggesting you were abused but sometimes...later in life certain symptomes arise. Sometimes people who are abused dont remember they were abused and have absolutely no recollection, but they go through a lot of stress due to unresolved emotional issues. Everybody is different , so these underlying emotional issues could be, abuse, or everyday problems, or just something really scary that happened once that you repressed. It could be anything, depending on how you are as a person.

I am not a doctor nor a therapist, so I cannot say. But perhaps it would be helpful for you to see someone about these things. Because sometimes when we only treat the symptom..it goes away for a while then comes back. These symptoms are however quite serious, like the sleepwalking. If you ever want to just talk about anything, feel free to PM me, I can try to reply whenever I can Keep reaching out hunny, I hope you get better <3
   
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Re: over the edge. - June 6th 2011, 08:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helper1215 View Post
Hi sweetie. Its interesting what your psychiatrist asked. I believe the reason (and I am by no means a professional) Your symptoms and health problems seem to be coming in a sort of domino effect fashion. Now, I am not suggesting you were abused but sometimes...later in life certain symptomes arise. Sometimes people who are abused dont remember they were abused and have absolutely no recollection, but they go through a lot of stress due to unresolved emotional issues. Everybody is different , so these underlying emotional issues could be, abuse, or everyday problems, or just something really scary that happened once that you repressed. It could be anything, depending on how you are as a person.

I am not a doctor nor a therapist, so I cannot say. But perhaps it would be helpful for you to see someone about these things. Because sometimes when we only treat the symptom..it goes away for a while then comes back. These symptoms are however quite serious, like the sleepwalking. If you ever want to just talk about anything, feel free to PM me, I can try to reply whenever I can Keep reaching out hunny, I hope you get better <3

Hey. Thanks.. didn't expect such a quick response.
I really don't think that i was sexually abused, you see, there's no period of my life that i don't remember and no one who could've had the chance..
I am already under treatment, but crazy though it may sound, i don't want to.. I dont want to keep thinking and talking about what could've been wrong and where.. the sentence I've had enough keeps popping into my head.
And there're those palpitations... I tell you.. it's very irritating not being able to think about anything serious without my heart dancing in my ribcage. :\
   
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