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Firesong3 Offline
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Name: Nicola
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Why does it always feel like it's just me? - June 9th 2011, 10:29 AM

Hey... um... well I'm not really sure where this goes. It always seems like everything is going wrong with my life, all at once. The person I like is avoiding me. My best friend is mad at me for something stupid I said. I have an essay due tomorrow that I don't feel like I can write, but I feel awful about doing that because it means that I'm still fragile, not an adult like everyone else around me. I feel like such an emotionally unstable child. How can everyone else seem so cool, calm and collected, get everything done, not fight with everyone around them, feel no need to dump their emotional rubbish on somebody, not worry about moving out of college for the break soon, etc. etc?

Why do I feel so alone? I really wish that for once I had somebody's shoulder to cry on. So I could just sob and sob and sob until all the pain was gone and then maybe I could finally be there for somebody else. But it never feels like there is anybody, even if sometimes it seems like there is. There's nobody who truly understands. I feel like such a messed-up person, faulty, a freak of nature. I just want to sleep and never wake up. No dreams, no nothing.
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Re: Why does it always feel like it's just me? - June 9th 2011, 10:41 AM

Im sorry you are feeling like this. Often the people who appear to be outwardly the strongest are the most fragile. There is nothing wrong with needing someone's support. You are not faulty, or a freak of nature. You can talk to me, I'll try my best to understand.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
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Hiraeth Offline
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Re: Why does it always feel like it's just me? - June 10th 2011, 05:31 AM

Hey Nicola,

I genuinely wonder if this appearance of being alone has to do with one's immediate environment. I grew up in a very sheltered world myself, where no one had serious problems manifesting externally, but for the most part, no one had serious problems at all. Depression was universally viewed as something mysteriously sinister, and having it usually meant locking oneself in one's room for days on end and pretty much ruining the rest of one's life. Consequently, for most of my life, I felt exactly as you did - alone, out of place, and a 'freak', all because I was somehow less able to deal with emotions than others.

Only in the past year after graduating high school and leaving suburbia forever, that I've come to realize just how many people out there are battling inner demons every day of their life. I know many who have been fortunate to still maintain material stability and an unjaded mind, but I've also met so many who have not. Although we all inhabit the same geographical location, and pass by one another each day on the streets, different people's lives are conducted in vastly different worlds. It is a fascinating position from which to observe life - to have access to both extremes.

I would say that, even though it seems that there is nobody (and that may very well be true in your immediate environment), you are by no means truly alone. In this very moment, countless others are struggling all the same, and they would understand where you come from.

Someone I was speaking to recently said of themselves, "I don't have that many friends, probably because I have a dark side". But I do believe that everyone has a 'dark side' of some sort. Whether or not they manifest, and to what degree, is often dependent on environmental factors - but we all have the seeds of that energy within us.

Feel free to PM me any time for anything as well. You don't have to be alone.

Peace and light,

"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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