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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Ella.x Offline
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What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 10th 2011, 08:12 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

On sunday I took an overdose of 70 days worth of my antidepressants and cut burnt myself pretty badly. I immediately got freaked out and phoned for an ambulance. I had 4 seizures in A&E and my blood pressure dropped so low that I technically had a heart attack. I am still waiting for further tests next week to find out whether or not I have damaged my liver. After spending 2 days in intensive care and 3 on a normal ward, they let me out 3 hours ago.
Already I want to do it again, but do it properly this time.
I'm scaring myself. I can't afford to take anymore time off work, but I know I can't go back full time straight away. I can't cope, but I can't afford to not cope.
I'm on my own. My care co-ordinator was supposed to see me on thursday for an emergency appointment but I was still in hospital so I had to cancel it. She was supposed to phone me to rearrange but she hasn't. Someone else from the home treatment team was supposed to phone me when I got out of hospital but they haven't yet either. I do not feel safe at all. All I can think about is hurting myself. Killing myself.
I genuinely do not know what to do.
Can anyone help me, or am I a complete lost cause?
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 10th 2011, 11:58 PM

You are not a lost cause, you are just going through a tough time.
Maybe you can stay with a friend or a family member until you feel comfortable staying home by yourself. You can also call a friend and ask if they will go out with you; This will prevent you from staying at home. Also, don't be afraid to call a helpline.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 11th 2011, 08:25 AM

I can't stay with anyone as I'll just end up ignoring the problem until I come back home. I'm just so exhausted from having to fight for the help that I need. I'm sick of looking after everyone else and trying to take care of myself at the same time. I can't cope but I can't afford not to cope.
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 11th 2011, 01:23 PM

You don't need to fight for the help. Remember, you can always call a hotline where there will be someone at the other end who is willing to talk to you. You should also consider seeing a therapist; he/she will be willing to help you with your problems and come up with appropriate solutions.
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 11th 2011, 02:36 PM

you're not a lost cause, you just have some troubles at the moment. find yourself a distraction.. read a book, watch tv, do some cooking, go see a friend, call up someone and talk to them, anything xx


I did not loose my mind,
It was mine to give away.
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 12th 2011, 04:09 AM

Sometimes things can get too heavy and you can feel like the weight of the world is crushing you but you should know you are never alone in feeling that way.
There are so many people, on the internet, on hotlines, in your real life, who would be willing to help you if you just open up and let them in.
Depression is hard to deal with and it's a process but you are not a lost cause. I read your profile and you seem like a really funny, sweet person and that would be such a loss to the world.
Imagine the things you could do and how many people who are just like you, who feel so lost, that you could help.
If you would like to message me, you can. Please feel better.
   
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Re: What the hell is wrong with me?!?! - June 12th 2011, 01:26 PM

Trust me you shoudnt end it all. Look I my parents got divorced when I was 10 I joined an white power gang but realized that wasnt right, 11 years old is an impressional age, did bad things then I still look at with shame, got addicted to bad drugs and was alcholic for 2 years got clean by 12, I got more rebellious and became a crust punk, almost commited sucicide 17 times and started living in abandoned buildings and in the streets for another 1-2 years, by choice ironically i hated ny fucked up mom my parents couldn't afford food let alone a home, I've had 23 bad realtionships all ended because I didn't fit society's mold got screamed at and ridiculed for everything by everyone and now I live in a garage which me and my dad are getting kicked out of in three days. The whole reason I told you this is not for sympathy in fact go ahead and laugh at how dumb I was, but it's too tell you that despite what happend you can find happiness in life, I've cleaned myself up got a job since 14 graduated Devil Pups, Retired Young Marines as Lance Corpral and raised my grades to a 3.8 gpa and last year I met my wonderful financee and we are happy as can be despite me being near homeless. Now I don't know anything else behind the scenes in your life but just remember enjoy the little things, you find that strength comes within, i just turned 18 if I can deal with this stuff, so can you
   
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