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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 18th 2011, 08:07 PM

I donít know why, but today, I just feel overwhelmingly sad. And trapped. I was talking about starting a bandÖ And it made my chest get all tight, and my throat get a hard knot in it. Because I said I had to wait until school started again to do anything. It seems like this entire summer is full of waiting. Waiting to go swimming at the pool (which might not even happen, thanks to the fact of the stupid fucking fact that I have to be a girl, and I canít go swimming at a certain time, which seems to be coming YET A-F***ING-GIN; I hate it to f***ing death), waiting for my mom to walk with me like she promised sheíd do, waiting for CJ to come on Facebook so I can remember that I have friends and people who care about me outside this place. Waiting and hoping: Hoping Savannah or Ashley, both of whom I miss dearly, will come online, so I can talk to them about just anything, because theyíre the only ones I can talk to about anything. Vent about my day to people who I know wonít mind.
In fact, if it wasnít for CJ, Iíd probably be crazy again already. Itís getting that way, though. I canít appreciate very much, anymore. Except for being alone. I wish people would leave me the hell alone and let me just be by my damned self sometimes; they donít realize how much I love solitude, when it comes to the fact that all of them are getting under my skin and annoying the hell out of me, and I just want to talk to people that I actually want to talk to, and that IĎm not just talking to in order to keep them from shouting at me and sending me to my room. I just want to be with my kitten -- which my dad might ďget rid ofĒ because sheís bothering my momĎs flowers, my flowers -- which are outside, beside a creek I canít visit because itís outside of the house, and of course, I ďmight get bit by a snakeĒ if I go to look at them and bask in their beauty, and I just want to walk through the woods, where I can cry without being afraid that someone will hear me or see me and try to get me to tell them what allís wrong with my life. Itís not good to keep feelings in, but thereís no time or place for me to just cry.
Then my mom -- oh, my mom! She wonít let me do anything. I canít walk on my own damn farm, I canít help in the hay field, I canít go outside and play in the creek: And why? Because I might get hurt! Iím not even living! So, what? Sheís just gonna sit there and complain and say how we all need exercise, and just sit there, and not let ME get out and do anything!
Just to cry by myself, to get rid of this horrible knot in my chest, would be a relief. But I canít go anywhere. My boyfriend goes walking and swimming pretty much every day; Iím not jealous of him, but I just sometimes wish that I could tag along -- heís hinted before, I think, at me going swimming with him, but I canít because my mom wouldnít let me: Sheís afraid Iíll go and get myself pregnant, even though she KNOWS Iím more mature and responsible than most of the people in my grade, and she KNOWS that Iím told her thousands of times that I wonít ever do anything until I know Iím old enough to get a job and support myself, because Iíve told her.

Sorry. I just had to rant. Iím not depressed, I donít think: Not yet. But I just need some people to talk to, before I lose hope of ever getting out of this house. I can take this, being alone -- or rather, near people who wouldnít understand who I am, if I ever bothered to tell them. Near my little sister, for instance, who I shout at and take most of my anger out on, because sheís always nosing around and asking me if Iím not hungry or if Iím upset or something, and I just hate being comforted and wish sheíd leave me alone.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 19th 2011, 03:23 PM

Hey.
Things can seem really bad at times, I know, and it isn't easy when you can't talk to people.
Try talking to your mum, properly telling her how you feel. Try and come to some form of compromise.
Also, can you wear a tampon while you swim? I do that and it's fine.
Hester. x


Join the Skeleton Clique on TH
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Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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Re: Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 19th 2011, 09:32 PM

I know the feeling all too well. I won't say anything, because it seems you just want someone to listen. Don't hesitate to PM me if you need to talk, or just have someone listen.


You've gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you, when you're not so sure you'll survive. You gotta swim and swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching. You haven't come this far to fall off the earth.
   
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SouthernBelle. Offline
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Re: Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 20th 2011, 01:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemolitionLover View Post
Hey.
Things can seem really bad at times, I know, and it isn't easy when you can't talk to people.
Try talking to your mum, properly telling her how you feel. Try and come to some form of compromise.
Also, can you wear a tampon while you swim? I do that and it's fine.
Hester. x
My mom won't let me wear a tampon. They supposedly are bad for you, and will hurt you, and will give you cancer, and blah, blah, blah. My mom's crazy, sometimes.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Evanesco Offline
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Outside, huh?
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Re: Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 20th 2011, 06:48 AM

I'm pretty sure they don't. Have you had a proper discussion about it with her?


Join the Skeleton Clique on TH
Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Re: Sad, trapped, and just need to vent about it. - June 20th 2011, 08:18 PM

Eh, no. That stuff embarrasses the hell out of me. And I don't think she knows much about them... It would be awkward, but I might be able to talk to her about it. I'm sure I can, one day when my little brother and sister are at my grandma's; 'cause I really don't want them to hear me pleading with my mom, lol.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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