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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Deadpanda Offline
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Unhappy Why bother living - June 22nd 2011, 12:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Why bother living anymore?
Reasons for my depression, suicide feeling, previous suicide attempts, and just wanting to see the blackest day ever.
Being a young kid, from the youngest I can even remember, my father molested me (it has not happened for the past 6 years tho).
That has never been comfortable for me to live with.
My siblings all hate me, I am a big disappointment to my parents for no reason.
I am constantly told I am mean, so and so hates me, I'm horrible, I'm a disappointment. They blame it on me to why i feel so cold though it is them whom have made me this way. I AM NOT A COLD PERSON. I actually care very much about humans, animals, and life. This however is not the case at the moment. I cry every time thinking of how they all hate me. How whenever some one tells me they love me it's a big lie. It's always been a lie. My siblings don't even know me. They can't even spell my name right throughout my whole life. I hardly speak to my family anymore. Even from an infant I was never cuddled. I was sat infront of the a/c in my little bouncy chair thing while they did whatever they wanted. I was never cuddled or snuggled. I do not know how to properly love a single person and I'm incapable at trying to express my love. I have had multiple suicide attempts. I have cut myself. I've tried strangling, drowning, bleeding, running away, getting hit by a car. Multiple things. No one ever registers to think of why I do it. I HAVE TRIED telling my parents about this but they put it off like I'm kidding though I tell them I'm not. Today... after today I do not want to live. I'm farther than ever and I want my eyes to shut for good. I'm a nuisance, a burden. No one could love me. No one needs me. I'll always be picked last. I act strong and like it doesn't faze me but deep inside I cry and break. I cry every night until I fall asleep around 3 am and get up for school at 5 am. I can't dream any longer. Oh how I loved to dream. I had the most wonderful dreams, it was my wonderland to get away.... Now... Now I can't even dream of a dream.. I want to die. Theres no place for me here in this world...
   
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Re: Why bother living - June 22nd 2011, 04:59 AM

You had a rough life,but you aren't the only one.I guess you forgot to turn to one person that u could count on. Your friends. I won't be shocked if you said you have no friends cause of you rough life. But you surely got some crush or someone had a crush on you.Think about that.If you're dead,you can't feel the butterflies in the stomach again.And boy don't you love that.I'm sure you do.Have you ever hugged your friends? or your crush?. Try it. Just remember that world is a BIG place and life is very short to regret anything.If you can't stand it,move out to a protection centre or to your friends house. The only thing you'll get from suicide is that you will leave a pain in everyone that cares about you! Do you want to give that to them?
   
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Re: Why bother living - June 22nd 2011, 05:06 AM

Hey sweetie,

I'm sorry things have been rough for you. And I know exactly how you're feeling. But please please don't give up. Whether you believe it or not, people do care. Believe me, many people think no one does. My best friend thought no one would miss her, and she had more than 700 people show up to the funeral. There's always people who care.

Does you mom or anyone know that your father molested you? It's not right that he did that, and even if it hasn't happened in a long time that doesn't make it ok. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, no one should have to.

If your parents play off your depression and suicide attempts as nothing, maybe you should seek help elsewhere. Friends, a favorite teacher, another relative, a counselor. Keeping emotions bottled up (intentionally, or unintentionally due to a lack of someone to talk to) isn't good, it just makes things that much worse.

You are not a nuisance, or a burden, or any such thing. Please try to keep this in mind. I know how hard it is to do, but it's the truth.

I don't really have much more I can add on, I'm afraid.

Please do not hesitate to Private Message/Visitor Message/Add me anytime, I'm online a lot and I don't mind at all!

I really hope things get better for you dear. <3
Nikki


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
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Re: Why bother living - June 23rd 2011, 08:19 PM

Nikki gave some really good advice.

You are not a failure/burden/cold person. I don't know you and I can already tell that you obviously love people and life in general. It's going to be okay. I do think that maybe you should try and talk to someone, a counselor at school, a friend?

Just remember that it's going to be okay, find things to do to make you happy. A lot of the time when I'm sad and just feel kind of.. blah, I'll draw or listen to music, or go sit outside. Just do something to make yourself a little happier.

<3
   
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