TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JustJ Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
JustJ's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: June 23rd 2011

Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 04:46 AM

First, I should probably mention the fact that I'm not necessarily a teen anymore, at 21. Unfortunately, it's not easy to find support forums that target my age group.

Second, I'm not really sure what I am expecting to get out of posting this. Company, I suppose. Even if it is merely over the Internet.

I know that no one wants to read a great wall of text with some sob story about why I'm clinically depressed, overweight, and an alcoholic. Long story short, a long series of events (starting when I was 8) has led to my situation at this very moment. Sitting cross legged on my bed with a bottle of rum in my lap, a cigarette in my hand, the same 10 songs on repeat, and a wandering gaze that keeps falling upon anything sharp enough to make me bleed.

I've tried seeing a therapist, she pissed me off.
I've been on anti-depressants, they just made me nauseous.
I'm not strong enough to kill myself. Simply because I know it would scar my baby sister (8 years old). If it wasn't for her, I would already be dead.

This is my last option. I need help. I think I'm addicted to my depression.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Theres always someone. <3
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Intoxicated Brutality's Avatar
 
Name: Nikki
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 383
Blog Entries: 114
Join Date: June 8th 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 04:58 AM

Hey there sweetie,
First things first, I'm glad you came here looking for support - it'll be easy to find.
Second, I'm terribly sorry things have been rough for you; I know exactly how that feels. I'm not a drinker myself, but I also have a tendency to SH and I know what it's like to not know what to do.
I can't really offer much advice based on this post, but I can, and am, offering support and company if you'd like it.
Even if you feel like whats been going on with you(and what's happened to cause it) is some long "sob story", please don't hesitate to Private Message/Visitor Message me anytime you need to vent or are looking for advice, I'll gladly help anyway I can. Feel free to add me if you'd like. I'm online a lot (pretty much all the time except when I'm sleeping I check for messages and such periodically) so I can talk whenever.
Hang in there, and stay strong!
Nikki


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
JustJ Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
JustJ's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: June 23rd 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 05:04 AM

Thank you for replying Nikki. I'm just really confused right now. It's almost as if I need the depression. I don't know if the causes of my feelings have much to do with it anymore. I just come home, light a smoke, take 5 or 6 shots outta the bottle and I can feel it coming. It's always there trying to break through the pretending I do all day and I get so exhausted trying to fight it off that I just cave in.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Theres always someone. <3
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Intoxicated Brutality's Avatar
 
Name: Nikki
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 383
Blog Entries: 114
Join Date: June 8th 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 05:16 AM

I know the feeling, and it's not an easy one to deal with. I would say that the "need" you feel for the depression has a lot to do with the fact you've been fighting it so long - a lot of times repetitive actions that we can't seem to get rid of seem like they're just part of everyday life(like we become so used to them, we don't know how to function without them i.e: the need for it).
It's not going to be an easy thing to break out of, but I'm sure with a lot of support and after a bit of searching for what works for you, you'll be able to beat this. I know it's tiring, and I'm sure that some days you really just want to give up. Those are the days you really need to focus and cling to what matters - your reasons for fighting to get better (such as your baby sister). Use that reason in particular as an advantage by telling yourself "I need to do this for me, and her too".
You've been fighting it this long, and that's quite an accomplishment if you ask me. You'll get through it


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
JustJ Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
JustJ's Avatar
 

Posts: 3
Join Date: June 23rd 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 05:32 AM

Thinking about my sister helps me stay alive but since I don't live with her she can't see me when I'm depressed. When I see her I can put on my happy face and she has no idea. When I'm home it's so easy to let my guard down and let it consume me. Then eventually the alcohol numbs it all away and allows me some peace in order to refill my happy meter. Is this just my way of coping?
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Theres always someone. <3
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Intoxicated Brutality's Avatar
 
Name: Nikki
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 383
Blog Entries: 114
Join Date: June 8th 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 05:50 AM

I know what you mean. It's a good thing that she's enough to keep you going is my point; it's always good to have something like that. I also understand about the whole fake happy face thing, a lot of people do that actually. It's not good for you to keep emotions bottled up though(which you probably already know). Is there anyone you could talk to (like your parents, or maybe friends) about what's been going on and how you've been feeling? Or maybe look into seeing another counselor/therapist, the first one may have just been a bad match. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find one you get along with fairly well and feel comfotable talking to.
It sounds like yes, that is your way of coping. Not a healthy one, of course, but it is a way to handle what you're feeling. That being said, it's just as likely to be contributing to your depression, I would think. (please note that statement is kinda biased on watching several of my family members who are alcoholics and how they act/acted). Self harm is likely another way you're trying to cope - but again, it's not healthy. Have you ever tried other ways to process/deal with what you're feeling?

Oh, and before I forget, you may want to introduce yourself here(click); it's a good place to make some friends and let people know who you are. I also recommend checking out the 'How To Use The Forums' sticky (click), it tells you a bit more about the site and how to send PMs/VM people and tells you about the staff; and lastly, check out the 'Obtaining Advice And Support' sticky (click), it tells you the different ways you can get advice and support here on TH.


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.

Last edited by Intoxicated Brutality; June 23rd 2011 at 06:02 AM.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
givemetherapy94 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
givemetherapy94's Avatar
 
Name: nicole
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: new york

Posts: 7
Join Date: June 23rd 2011

Re: Last Option - June 23rd 2011, 10:26 PM

hi JustJ,
though we are not in the same age group (im 17 years old) i as well struggle with major depression, why, i honestly dont know. its great that you have someone that keeps you living, that it what everyone needs, but honestly if you want to talk more in dept maybe to even get some emotion out to possibly make you feel better i am here, cause honestly to me a person story is not some sob story to ignore its more than that, so if youd like to talk message me, i just joined today so im not sure how everything works on this site yet but hopefully you do haha
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
option

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.