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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Kelly
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Charleston, SC

Posts: 3,097
Blog Entries: 98
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Unhappy Cant Slow My Thoughts - June 28th 2011, 04:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My head is going a mile a minute and despite being so very tired, I can't sleep. I laid in bed for about 30 minutes before I got on here. This is the first time in 3 years I have wanted to take pills that weren't meant for me, all because I want to stop feeling this way.

I can't describe the way I feel. I just feel everything at once right now and I can't sort it out no matter how relaxed I get or how hard I focus on it. I've had a LOT of big changes recently, and those started this spiral and now there's been some very bad news.

I know I have to stay strong for the other people in my life...but holy crap, I'm falling apart through the duct tape. I'm not suicidal. I don't think. I mean, people don't think about suicide before they do it usually. I mean, from my own experience I just...do something, rather than think about it. And I guess I'm scared of myself. Of what I don't really want to do.

But at the rate I'm going, if I even feel a TINY bit hopeless...my judgement sucks. I have bad impulses...I'll do something I won't even be ABLE to regret.

What do I do? Obviously get help, but what can I do for myself? What can I ask my boyfriend to do to help me? I'm really not doing good tonight...

This is the first time I've felt this way, without having anyone to talk to right away...
   
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