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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't understand life. I want to disappear. I feel like once I was dead I could finally feel peace. I just want to jump in front of a train or something. I don't think I could actually make a fatal cut. I just am fed up with life right now. Disappearing sounds so nice. Peace would be nice. I know people care, but they can get over it I guess. It's not to show people, it's for myself.

I'm not in danger of death right now. I'm too scared and probably physically unable to do it. But peace sounds nice.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:36 AM

Peace does sound nice. But its what comes naturally after life- and I don't think you are meant to understand life.
I also don't think people get over it. I don't know if you've every seen an adult try and tell you about a friend or sibling or child they lost to suicide, but in my experience they struggle, decades later. Please don't try. Even if you don't think that you can succeed. If it goes wrong it gets messing and agonising; death might be peaceful- I don't know- by dying isn't.
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:47 AM

Dear Sora,

I know what you mean. I think this way with myself quite often. Sometimes I will just lay awake in bed all night listening to mellow songs, and just being present with the feelings of fatigue that are in me. Eventually, it subsides, and I'll find some energy restored again for the next day.

Life is quite absurd and frustrating. But life is already so short, and when we do die, we will have the rest of eternity to be dead. There is no rush at all. To be alive is to be open to possibilities. They may or may not yield anything interesting, but I believe they are worth sticking around for. Personally, I have found a lot of closure by letting go of expectations for life to be any certain way. The purpose of life isn't about making sense of things, or even about being happy. Life just is, and all we are doing is to simply experience, learn, and gain insight through experience.

I just wanted to say that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk to someone, I am here any time.

All the best,
Kaisada


"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:51 AM

I know I shouldn't. But there's still the same voice in my head that got me to start cutting that tells me I'm dumb and worthless, and that I don't have big enough problems to post on this site. That I have to attempt to die first. That's what I have to do. It tells me that if I die, I get peace, but I'm not strong enough to actually succeed.

I can't stop this constant battle in my head. I know I'm not worthless and i do deserve to be helped, yet I still... I still believe the voice in a way.

I just... My mom is never gonna listen until I'm dead. I know that. The reason I don't get up and do it right now is because of my sister and my dad. I don't want to cause my dad to kill himself too, because he thinks he is a failure. He isn't, it's me.

And my sister would never get over it...

Sigh. I don't think I would anyway, it's just becoming more and more of a thought, and less absurd of one too.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:53 AM

And kaisada, u are right too...

I'm just too hopeful. And all my hopes are let down. And it wears after a while. But yeah... I don't even want to Die.... But at the same time I do. It's the process of dying itself that scares me, not death.


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 02:32 PM

Hi Sora..

I know what you mean when you say that you are more afraid of the process than the death itself. Never think that having hope is a bad thing, I know that it's awful when what we want doesn't happen, but sometimes hope is the only thing that can keep you here into the next day, next month, or year. Whatever.

I don't know what things are like in your family, but I know that I used to feel the same way around mine, sometimes even now I'll get into moods like what you're feeling. When that happens, I have to go do something that makes me feel like there is peace in the world. Sometimes it lasts for an hour, sometimes for a day. I'll go for a walk or just go do something on my own for a little while, even though it sucks, most of the time the only person that you can 100% depend on to make you feel better is yourself.

It makes me sad when I hear that people want to die, you should never want that when there's so much to live for. I hope things get better for you..

<3
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 04:37 PM

I think ur right. Next time I'll plan to go for a walk. Thank u


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 04:46 PM

Glad you're feeling better and less drastic. PM me if you ever need anything.

- Justin



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Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 04:53 PM

You're welcome Sora (:

If I can ever help you with anything else, let me know, that's what I'm here for (:

<3
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 04:56 PM

Justin- yeah, it's easier in the day I guess. Nights kill me. But I'm very glad I am less drastic too

Maddie- thanks I sent u a PM


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 05:22 PM

Sora, Do you ever just get out of the house? When my parents are fighting or when my sister is being impossible I go for a walk by myself. Sometimes I bring music to listen to but other times it is nice just to listen to the quiet. Maybe there is a park near by you... A nature trail perhaps? Those are the best. You can calmly walk and listen to the life around you. If you need to talk or even just want to You can always PM me dear. <3
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 06:14 PM

Yeah being outside will help I think thank u


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: I want peace. - July 2nd 2011, 07:47 PM

hey for what your going through , i completely understand .
i just want peace too ! wouldnt it be amazing , to get out of this sick twisted life .. but then you have to stay strong because you just have to ! there are so many reasons why !
i have a cold bath , when im feeling that way , it helps so so so much !
but yeah as shana said a walk in nature etc would help so much you should try it
stay strong x


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Re: I want peace. - July 3rd 2011, 11:18 PM

Thanks Kimberly <3 I'm holding up alright. I got a book yesterday and hung out with some friends. I'm gonna be alright for now at least


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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