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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Name: Kristin
Gender: Female
Location: In my own world

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Join Date: December 23rd 2009

Feeling Really Depressed - July 5th 2011, 06:04 AM

So I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I just feel really depressed. I'm 19, and I live in an apt with two roommates outside of my college. I don't talk to one of my roommates because I'm hearing and she's Deaf and she doesn't like "Hearies." (I'm an interpreter). My other roommate was a good friend of mine before he moved in. He always has someone over, especially his boyfriend. I never cared before that he's gay, but they have really loud sex and his room is next to mine and it makes me uncomfortable. I've told him about this, but he tells me to just leave when they do it. His boyfriend is over all the time and even cooks in the kitchen naked, and it's just really uncomfortable for me. I'm moving to a new place in two months, but that's in two months.

I hate my job. I work as a cashier and a coffee maker at a local bookstore. The boss's daughter lately has been jealous of my promotion to the cafe, and lately she keeps trying to take my job by telling people, even the boss of the cafe that I want to quit, that I hate working there, and that I refuse to help out other employees (Not true) (Trade and cafe has two separate bosses. Her mom is the boss of trade.) One day when the cafe boss wasn't there, the bosses' daughter told me that I had to cover her in trade because she was going to work cafe for the rest of the night. When I told her I was scheduled to work cafe, she said the "manager on duty" permitted the switch. AKA, her mom. Since her mom is in charge of payroll and pays her daughter more and gives her daughter special benefits, it's illegal according to corporate bylaws. But anyone who spoke up before was fired. I actually know someone who is friends with her boss, and I explained the situation with him. He said he'd talk to her boss when he gets back from his vacation....in two months.

I can't afford summer classes, and I can barely afford to make my rent. I hate my job and it makes me miserable to work there everyday, but I need the money. I've applied for about 25 other jobs at various places, but so far I haven't heard back from anywhere. It's been 3 weeks, and I've given up expecting back from anyone. So it looks like I'm stuck working there and being miserable.

I think the third thing that's making me upset is that I have very little friends here. Most of the friends that I made last year have graduated. The only person I hear from is a guy that is constantly trying to have sex with me, so on advice from my counselor and warning from my friends, I don't let him come over. He tried to take advantage of me in a bathroom during a friend's party, but one of my friends heard me screaming and helped pull him off me. He apologized and said he was drunk, but that's not the first time he's tried to make out with me or touch me sexually, so honestly I'd rather not be around him. All of my other friends are away for the summer and not within visiting distance, so I'm very lonely here. I know people say it's easy to find new friends, but I can't afford summer classes, I'm not really friends with anyone I work with, and anyone I do know here likes to drink and party and I don't.

Plus me and my on and off boyfriend of almost 3 years now are maybe getting back together, but my heart's just not invested in it. I just feel lonely and I feel like what's the point of living? I loosely debate suicide, meaning I think about it but never contemplate it seriously. I just want to feel happy again, but I honestly don't know how. I don't like listening to my favorite bands anymore. I don't like reading anymore, and I've been an avid reader for as long as I can remember. I don't even like to play my favorite games anymore. Ever since a power outage, my TV's been out and I can't afford to pay the cable guy while I'm still behind on this month's rent. I just want to feel happy again, but I don't know how. Sometimes I just lie in bed all day without moving, just staring at the ceiling.



   
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