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EclipsedSoul Offline
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I feel so empty... - July 8th 2011, 03:30 AM

It's like I've built up walls and now I've forgotten how to feel. It's hard to cry. Whenever I do feel something it's never how it used to be, now it's like some superficial emotion that doesn't last. But I'm so good at hiding that no one ever notices that I just don't care anymore. I've tried to talk about it, but I always lose my nerve. Then I get all angry with myself that I can't even talk to people right, and that my problems aren't really even that big. Even now I feel all whiny and ranty, not to mention so...bared, actually putting this up somewhere.

This happens randomly, like I'll be "perfectly fine" one day then depressed for a week...

I've been to a counselor, but I didn't like him all that much. I went to him every...two weeks, I think, but I never told him anything so he just cancelled the appointments.

I feel like everyone's there, but just so far away...I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I've considered cutting but I hate sharp objects near my skin (yeah, I know). Sometimes I'll pinch, scratch, or punch myself just to relieve the anger and emotional pain. I dunno, half the time I think I might actually need help and the rest of the time I just feel like I need to get a grip...


All your secrets crawl inside
You keep them safe, you let them hide
You feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories
So close your eyes and let it hurt
The voice inside begins to stir
Are you reminded of all you used to be?
~Lie to Me (Denial) by RED
   
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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: I feel so empty... - July 8th 2011, 04:04 AM

Mm, I understand. For me it was that I was afraid of feeling pain....and then when I finally let myself feel pain it was soooo much harder....but you have to let it sink in. I know how confusing and frustrating it all is but it really will get better...looking for new therapist might be helpful..specifically a female one. You'll make it honey, you'll make it <3


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searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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Re: I feel so empty... - July 10th 2011, 02:24 AM

Hiding it...yeah, when you hide your true self, your true feelings and emotions it almost comes automatic after awhile. If you need to talk about it, you can PM me and talk to me. I dont mind if you lose your nerve and get angry at me, maybe it will make you feel better. As my friend once said "Im here if you want someone that wont take anything you happen to yell at them personally" And your not being whiney, thats what Teen Help is for, letting it all out and getting advice. Also, a counselor is no help if you dont tell them whats bothering you and open up. So maybe a counselor just isn't the right thing for you. Self harming by scratching and pinching and punching yourself isn't going to help. It isnt the answer, believe me. Stay strong and fight it. You can do this, i believe in you. Like i said before, PM me if youd like. Best of love and luck. <3


"When you've forgiven but you cant forget feels like your drowning but still got breath"

i love you.

YOU are beautiful no matter what and dont YOU forget it!!! <3

PM me if you need to talk!(:



   
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EclipsedSoul Offline
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Re: I feel so empty... - July 19th 2011, 04:53 AM

@bailatyvm: Thanks...I've been feeling better lately, but that might be because I've been so busy...that's why I haven't been on.

@justfallinginlove: Thank you, I might take you up on that sometime and I'd be happy to return the favor.


All your secrets crawl inside
You keep them safe, you let them hide
You feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories
So close your eyes and let it hurt
The voice inside begins to stir
Are you reminded of all you used to be?
~Lie to Me (Denial) by RED
   
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