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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wtf- Offline
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In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 05:30 AM

Is it bad that I'm literally like - in love with my depression? I know I need help, but I'm so in love with the idea that everything is going wrong internally, that I feel the need to lock it away and suffer in silence? I'm pretty sure that's fucked up.

But seriously. I KNOW I need help, but I won't do anything about it. I'll end up chastising myself for even thinking about getting help because of the fact that I feel like I deserve to suffer, or something sick like that.

Most of the time I tell myself that I shouldn't waste someone else's time with my problems because of the fact that I shouldn't be feeling bad.

Everything is going right for me right now!

...And I keep getting suicidal impulses, or death wishes.

I'm almost starting to wish there was actually something going wrong in my life, so I can fuck it up and have a reason to feel bad.
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Katley Offline
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Re: In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 06:11 AM

Hey, id like you to know that i know EXACTLY how you feel. You feel like you dont need it like other people do, even though deep down you agree that help is necessary. You want something to actually "Be Wrong" so that you feel better about the depression, but you like the feeling in a way. In a sad way, you just feel comfortable being sad.

i think thats what you are feeling, i mean i was there too.

you do NOT deserve to suffer, and you do need help, in fact i STRONGLY encourage that you try to force yourself to tell somebody, on one of those moments that you have more of a want for help.

I know you will get through this, and you will figure out how to feel right again, and maybe learn not to like the depression. its tough though, but possible.

<3 good luck and God bless

Sora


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 07:26 AM

I felt pretty much exactly the same way back when I was depressed. I would feel like my problems didn't matter because there weren't any, like i just made it all up. I would pray something terrible would happen so I could stop feeling guilty for 'making up' all of my feelings. I wanted so badly to just feel like everything I was going through was real. Until it was real, then what was there to get over? What was there to get help with?

And even when I let myself believe it was real, I found all these reasons that getting better would suck and stalled as much as I could. I was scared to change. I knew depression, knew how to handle it and knew my life in general at that point. I wanted to avoid the chance of failing. I didn't want to try to get better because I might fail. I might leave my comfort zone and not get anything for it.

But, you know what I've learned since then and since I got better? That was all a load of bullshit! I am so much happier now, it was so worth getting better. My problems were real, they were worth being so upset over and finally getting out from underneath of them was like a breath of fresh air, the first one in years. It was a scary process, but it was worth it.

Now, that's a lot about me and nothing about you, so I'll say this (since this thread is about you, after all): As scary as it might be, you deserve to get better. You can tell yourself that this is what you want, that this is just how things are, but I think we both know how truthful that really is. No one wants to feel like that, it's just that sometimes it feels safer to stick with it rather than working through it. I'm telling you that as scary as working through it is, it is worth it. You don't need to be afraid of failing because there is no such thing. No matter how many setbacks you might have, you just keep trying until you get there, and once you do I promise you that it will be worth it.

Hang in there and feel free to shoot me a message if you ever want to talk


~Cody

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Re: In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 02:36 PM

I honestly feel the EXACT same way. like I deserve to suffer because my problem isn't that big or that I even have an issue. I get it I am still trying to convince myself that help is necessary. I agree with everything Sora said. Seems she has been through this and knows the feelings well. I know you can beat this. Stay strong ma' dear
   
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Re: In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 02:37 PM

if you feel sad and want to, there has to be a reason why.
did someone hurt u that made u feel that way first?
i think if u've been hurt again and again in the same places,
u get used to the pain and learn to live with it,
is that how u feel???

i used to feel sad all the time for my own reasons
it isn't healthy,
u should be around the ppl who mean a lot to u and make u smile =)
good luck =D
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Re: In Love With it. - July 11th 2011, 08:56 PM

Hi, Well i think that the reason you feel like you deserve to be feeling down on yourself and worthless is because of the depression xx you need to tell someone x I know you dont want to even though you know you have to but I cant stress how important it is that you tell someone before it gets out of hand xxxxxxxx
   
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