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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
allisontedford Offline
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Unhappy PLEASE read. - July 17th 2011, 12:04 AM

Hey,
I am Allison, as some of you may know. Why am I writing this in the first place? I don't have a high self- esteem. I cant pretend that I do when I don't. Because the truth is obvious. I have a very low self - esteem.

I grew up in texas for a very large portion of my life. Then, a year and a half ago, I moved to Mexico. It was really hard for me at first and it was very hard to adjust to a new school, new house and a new environment. On February 2011, my parents found out that the school I was going to really affected me instead of just helping me. So they got me out of that school and decided to homeschool me (Im not home schooled yet, but I will be in September.)
SO ANYWAY LETS JUST GET TO THE POINT.

I dont feel pretty. At all. I mean I know I have a nice facial structure and nice features but I struggle with acne and constant fear of gaining weight. Nobody knows this except my family. Every day, I feel worse. I compare myself to girls I know with beautiful skin and perfect eyebrows-- and most of all- self confidence. I just wish I could look pretty. I just wanna be pretty. i cant believe I am admitting this. I wasn't like this before. I had self- confidence. Now I feel my lack of self confidence is keeping me from doing all sorts of stuff I loved doing before. Like drawing. Im really good at drawing. But I recently dropped out of art class because I didn't want people to see me draw and I didn't want them to criticize. Oh! How better my life would be if I didn't give a shit about what anybody thought about me. I just wanna feel pretty. I just wanna be me. OH GOD. IM JUST SO SAD. I FEEL DEPRESSED. I WANNA BE PRETTY FOR GOODNESS SAKES. I WANT TO BE PRETTY. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE. GOD, ALLISON, TOUGHEN UP YOU LOSER! LOSER! LOSER! LOSER LOSER

And I feel even uglier today, because while playing basketball, I got one of my bottom teeth a little chipped off and now its all wiggly and loose! You cant really tell what happened but its there! and I got badly sunburned. My skin is really sensitive right now.The acne doesn't help. and I struggle with an eating disorder.

Help.
   
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 17th 2011, 12:58 AM

Well, you are 14, correct? Your body still has years to grow and mature.

Would it help if everyone told you that you are pretty? Probably not, because then you would be even more self-conscious. The cure for low self-esteem is not trying to feel or think that you are more pretty than you are. The more you focus on yourself, the worse you are going to feel. You have to get outside yourself somehow.

There is only so much you can do about how you look, but you haven't even given yourself a chance yet! Most girls don't look so great at 14- a few do- but most take awhile to mature. What you need to focus on is being healthy. You should get help for the eating disorder.

For acne, I recommend benzoyl peroxide (a.k.a. Clearasil).

I'm sorry about your tooth. Can you see a dentist or someone about it? Was it a permanent tooth?



   
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 17th 2011, 03:56 AM

I struggle with body issues myself, and it's not easy. One day you just have to realize-it's going to get better. In middle school/early high school, your body is just awkward. It's just the truth of it all. But it will get better, you are still beautiful, just things haven't grown all the way.
My sister has a chipped tooth as well, that is fixable. It's not a big deal. Just get a temporary replacement made out of the stuff they make fillings until you get the permanent.
Are you talking to a counselor about your body issues regarding your eating?
And I hate to disagree with previous post, he may know about acne as well, but I had acne for many years, and benzoyl peroxide did nothing for me, it made my skin dry and made me break out more, though it helped my friend a lot. If Clearasil, or like products, don't work, try Clean and Clear morning burst. It has no acne products, just anti-oil products that keep your skin clean but doesn't dry it out.
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& the sun said “it hurts to become."
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 19th 2011, 05:12 AM

Hey,
You're fourteen. I'm fifteen, and I still haven't really physically matured yet. It'll happen. You should talk to someone about your eating disorder--even if it's not a therapist, a friend, family member, teacher, or even someone here on teenhelp could help you (feel free to pm me, even if I'm not too experienced). They can cause some serious damage.

I know that something that helps me is to find a song that I can imagine speaking right to me. Try "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz. When you start to worry about what people around you think about you, remember that you are you and it doesn't matter what a bunch of people that you might not even know in a few years' time think. You are worth WAY more than that.

Hope this helps.


All your secrets crawl inside
You keep them safe, you let them hide
You feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories
So close your eyes and let it hurt
The voice inside begins to stir
Are you reminded of all you used to be?
~Lie to Me (Denial) by RED
   
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 22nd 2011, 04:21 AM

Thank you all for your lovely feedback.

Dream- I know, Im fourteen and Ive still got many years ahead of me. I was just used to feeling pretty for a large portion of my life. Yes, the tooth is permanent. And the day I wrote this, it hurt A LOT. but, now, its a lot better. It doesnt wiggle anymore and Im pretty sure its growing back. But Im going to see a dentist anyway.
Benzoyl peroxide doesnt help. Sorry :/ it makes my face really red and it burns. Im a lot better now, actually. The last time I threw up... was 2 days ago. I felt like I had a fat stomach and then I threw up my lunch and then I felt like, soooo anorexic skinny LOL so I tried eating to gain weight. :/ but whatever. From now on, if I feel fat, Im going to work out. Im a lot better now! You see, when I feel bad, I go on teenhelp and write down every single feeling I feel. I write it all down, and suprisingly, I feel alot better after I log off, because I realize things arent as bad as they seem.

Traci- Thanks for the lovely comment. I feel it will all get better. The tooth is permanent, but its growing back already! and Im under acne medication, so I cant use other acne products :/ lol And, sHave a lovely day.

EclipsedSoul- Youre right. Im still maturing and I cant expect myself to be perfect. Oh, and I heard the song "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz. Its very, very, nice. Thanks for recommending that song. The lyrics are beautiful. and I almost cried lol
Have a lovely day

-Allison
   
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 22nd 2011, 05:42 AM

Well, first of all, no one is perfect. I feel the need to tell you that everyone nurses those same conerns. Boys and Girls our age share these concerns. "Do these glasses look dorky?" "Are these pants too baggy?" I mean that's a big part of finding who we are.

You mentioned you moved, that is a good thing. Use this time to reinvent yourself. Even if you have been in Mexico for six months or more, you can still make a new impression. You can be a confident person again. This is your chance.

Also, nothing is beatiful about anorexcia. To be honest it kind of freaks me (And a majority of the population) out a lot. Just say that to yourself whenever you feel the need to purge. It will not make you healthier. It will harm you in the long run.

Now you can always PM me if you want to talk or just rant. I'm online a lot these days.

- Justin



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Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
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Re: PLEASE read. - July 22nd 2011, 04:59 PM

Thanks, Justin.
   
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