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lazy daze Offline
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Name: Abbie H.
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Alabama

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Join Date: July 22nd 2011

I've really felt terrible today. - July 22nd 2011, 06:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I haven't felt like this in such a long time. Like...really long. But right now, I just feel so absolutely terrible. I hate the world and I hate everyone, and I just really want to become mute. A social recluse. And never have friends or talk to anyone again. And I'm just depressed; I really just want to die. I'm a little fcked in the head, obviously, but I just really feel so terrible. I don't know why it really happened. I mean, I do. Last night I was cleaning out my closet and found a razor blade. I was just like "oh sht, whatdoido?" I immediately threw it away...not wanting to chance anything, ya know. But it brought back so many memories. Just all these times where I was just wishing to die already. And all those years of having to hide scars and cuts and scabs. It just seems like all of this came back up at once, without warning. The dread/depressed feeling was so overwhelming, I really didn't stand much of a chance anyway. It's just put me really down, realllyyyy low.

i need a hero to save my life
a hero's gonna save me just in time
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Katley Offline
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Re: I've really felt terrible today. - July 22nd 2011, 08:28 AM

Well i think that memories in themselves dont always have to be bad. maybe, instead of being negative about it, think about how much stronger you are now, and that you are DONE with that crap, you know? i know that might be pretty lame and short, but i felt like sharing, so yeah

Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
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Re: I've really felt terrible today. - July 22nd 2011, 01:10 PM

Hey Abbie,

I've had plenty moments similar to that. I've had memories pop up or found something triggering and you have that moment of panic, longing, dread, etc. Congratulations on throwing the razor away though!

Really, that's a huge step. Those memories are going to be hard, but you can remember them as, "Wow, I felt that bad...and here I am, still kicking today. I really am strong".

I know with memories, sometimes it brings back those feelings too, but just remember how far you've made it. You actually threw the razor away! I had never been able to. My mom's the one who did it.

Just congratulate yourself, even if you feel you don't deserve it. Also, when I'm feeling low and remember those things, I try to look at things and see the positive. Such as, if you see a pencil on the ground, think "Oh, it's sharpened", or "Hey, it has lead in it, at least when I need that it will work and be ready". Or remember a book you read that you liked. Flip through it or just remember and visualize what parts you liked. Same with a movie.

Make post-its and cover your room with inspirational quotes and notes. Ask people from TH to give you quote ideas, then place their names next to their quote. Its a way to brighten your room and get support.

Feel free to PM me anytime.
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