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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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rockstar9 Offline
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I don't know what to do... Help me - July 23rd 2011, 04:45 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't get the thought of suicide out of my head. I really want to do it but something in me won't let me. I'm tired of feeling alone and left out. I'm tired of being called a guy when clearly I'm a woman. I'm tired of acting happy when I'm not. I'm tired of falling for a guy but he either is with my best friend, doesn't like me back or he shows feeling torwards me but then makes out with another girl in front of me. I'm tired of my dad not admitting what he did in the past. And finally, I'm tired of living. I realize I'm only 16 and I still have a lot of life left to live, but I don't want to live this crappy life. I admit I have the best friends in the world and I don't want to leave them but I can't take this kind of life anymore. I used to be able to handle it by writing poetry but that led to me cutting myself and losing my first ever best friend (long story that basically tramatized me). I eventually found some new friends and they're great but sometimes they do stuff and don't include me in. The only way of dealing with everything is playing the only sport I love, softball. When I'm on the field, all the emotional pain goes away. Earlier this year I suffered a shoulder injury and I can no longer play and now I feel like my one source of happiness was taken from me. I really don't see the point of living if everything that makes me happy gets taken away from me. Music helps but not enough. So far suicide seems like the only way to deal with the pain. I really don't want to die but it seems like the only solution.
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Re: I don't know what to do... Help me - July 23rd 2011, 04:53 PM

It is definitely not the only solution. I am so sorry you are going through all of this but you are not alone. When I felt the world was turning on me my only source of happiness was dance and singing. I pulled a ligament in my knee and got laryngitis. Win. I feel your pain completely and my heart goes out to you. Will your injury ever go away? If so just hold on a little bit longer because soon you will be able to do something that will make you happy again. If that's not an option try to get involved in something else. You could join a club when school starts up that'll help keep you busy. I volunteered at the Alzheimer's home and some beach clean-ups and that kept my mind off things.

I know life is tough and it seems that everything is going wrong right now but you have to go through the hard things in life to get to the great things. Everything will turn out okay, I promise. Just try to keep breathing, take one day at a time, and start being the one to plan things amongst your friends so that you can't be left out. It will get better, it always does. Just stay strong, I know you can do this. Feel free to PM me.
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Re: I don't know what to do... Help me - July 23rd 2011, 06:13 PM

its not the only solution. i know right now it seems like that. i totally get that. I have felt like this a lot. you need to surround yourself with the ones you love and tell them whats happening. it may seem hard right now but they will be able to help you <3 pm me if you need to talk, i'll listen <3

Everybody dies, but not everybody lives <3
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Re: I don't know what to do... Help me - July 25th 2011, 02:29 AM

I appreciate the help, I really do. I finally told my friends everything and they have been really supportive but I still have those thoughts quite often.I still don't think I will ever be happy again but I'm putting an effort to try and hopefully things will get better. In the meantime I'm gonna keep trying not to kill myself and hope for the best.
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