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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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No one knows what I did... - July 28th 2011, 04:51 PM

I've been home alone for a few weeks while my family is on vacation. On impulse, I took a bottle of sleeping pills last week. I don't know why. I've been struggling with severe depression for a few months now, and looking up the best methods to kill myself with. I thought it would be peaceful. But I didn't die. I fell asleep and woke up throwing up until there was blood in it. I was delirious, my stomach felt like there was an animal clawing at it. I was so close of dialing 911, but the thought of my crying parents coming home and seeing me being taken away by the police stopped me.

I'm not even depressed anymore. I'm happy. I just want to die is all. I understand why it isn't accepted by society, but tying me down and forcing me to deal with these demons in my head...its torture. Why does everyone want to see me suffer like this? Can someone please explain why? And yes, you do want to see me to suffer. Otherwise people would help me on improving my life, and not just settle on keeping me alive and in this pain. It's just a mercy killing. You would help kill someone who was going through an incredible amount of physical pain, and was going to die anyways. Why is it so hard to believe that I am being tortured mentally that much?...

I don't know what to do. My parents came home last night, and think I just have a really bad flu. If I go to the doctors, they'll know what I did. I always fantasized about how many people would care for me, if I even just attempted suicide. Just as a selfish cry for help I guess. But no one knows...only me and people who read this. No one cares. It's such a haunting thing realizing that no one in the world gives a crap about you, considering as a child your parents looked after you every second of the day. Going from that, to just
this... I just can't accept that it isn't like that anymore, I don't know why. I don't know why I'm posting this. I had to tell someone I guess...its been eating at me for days.
   
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Re: No one knows what I did... - July 28th 2011, 09:03 PM

Your parents care for you. Otherwise, they would not be upset if they knew.

And yes your parents would be upset to learn what you did, but they would be far more upset if you actually had died.

I really think that you should go to a doctor. You don't need to tell your parents what you did, but you do need to get checked. You do need help.



   
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