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CrystalJade Offline
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i don't know how to handle anything anymore - August 2nd 2011, 04:38 PM

Life has always been crappy, I thought it was finally getting better but I was mistaken. My brother and mom have always been verbally and mentally abusive. My brother and his friend sexually abused me as a child and my brother was also physically abusive. My sister moved away when she was 15 or 16 and I was about 10 or 11. She was a great sister but we drifted apart. A friend of mine died a few years ago and the love of my life (so far) broke my heart. My pets that I loved with all my heart died too. We never had much money because my parents didn't work together and my brother was born with a multitude of problems. My brother wasn't supposed to live to see his graduation, he's now nearly 26 and still alive.

My mom has mental problems and left a year ago after I told her she needed to get help. She told people I threatened her, I just wanted her gone so I could have guys over and made my dad out to seem abusive and said he kicked her out. She's made up so many lies... she didn't want to see me for 6 months until she had to start paying child support. I have no contact with her side of the family now, it's upsetting to know I'll never see my baby cousins or my 1 nice cousin again.

My parents recently got a divorce. I've dealt with peepers, stalkers and 1 guy attempting to rape me. I've struggled with cutting, drug problems, pill popping, anorexia, bulimia, and depression. I was just starting to get out and get to know the people at my school... then Sunday night I went to a party and I was raped.

I'm hurting now and I have no idea how to handle it. I've stopped eating, I feel depressed, I cry a lot, abd I've had suicidal thoughts. It's all too much, I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve or I'm not needed to be alive. It's too much to handle, I don't want to handle it, I just want it to go away. I wake up every morning now and feel sick to my stomach. I'm bruised and sore, I've been degraded down to nothing again. I want to sleep all the time but I'm having problems sleeping. I was supposed to have someone to save me from anything like this again but I have no one.

I sit in my shower and rock back and forth crying as I look at my bruises. I want to forget everything. I've been shaking since Sunday now. I'm broken, used and un lovable. I just want the pain to stop.
   
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Darrenboy! Offline
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Re: i don't know how to handle anything anymore - August 3rd 2011, 04:17 PM

oh my god.

you have went through so much...

stay strong, and remember to mix with the right bunch of people . the bunch that just want a little friendship.. and warmth.. and kindness. the bunch that making happy memories with together are a pleasure to behold . stay strong. i understand it all seems too much now, but just remember that you have so much happiness ahead of you.

forget about the painful past, and look towards the bright future.

and no matter how tough it is, SMILE! cause you never know when that wonderful smile of yours... could be brightening up someone's day.

stay strong.. we love you! and remember, everything can get better . thats a promise !


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

Official member of the completely Unofficial free hugs Club !

I'm firing mah Hugs!
   
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