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MadPoet Offline
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Name: Amanda.
Age: 24
Gender: Female.
Location: Michigan.

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Sick of this ignorant world. - August 6th 2011, 12:15 AM

I am so god damn sick of it. I'm sick of the meds, sick of dealing with ridiculous teenage drama and just the world in general. I'm sick of people making me feel like I need to change something about myself, like no matter what I do there's always going to be something wrong with me. First I felt like a freak for being overweight. Then I felt like a freak for being depressed. Now I feel like a freak because I think I like girls. And you know what? The world does nothing to convince me otherwise.

You're overweight: Who will want to date you? You're not pretty. You need to lose weight. Why do I need to lose weight? I'm healthy. Do I lose it so I can be beautiful? So I can get a date? Fuck that. If someone can't accept me for who I am, thin or overweight, fuck them. What happened to fucking ACCEPTANCE?

I was talking to my mom the other day and she said if I was gay I would never be able to hold hands with a girl in public, never be able to tell people right away that I was gay. She told me it wouldn't be the same as with being with a guy, because there's just things you can't do. Why? Is the world really that damn ignorant? Is life going to be like that for me?

My whole life feels like a charade. Trying to be what people want me to be, trying to be whatever the fuck is normal. And I'm sick of it. Maybe I don't care if I'm overweight, maybe I want to be with a girl. Why do people have to change me? Why can't I be the way I am?

Right now I feel like dying. I want out of this judgmental, ignorant world. But I can't tell anyone that. It will just mean another switch of meds, another therapy session. I don't want that anymore. I just want to be okay, without the meds, without the therapy. And I feel like that will never happen. And I know for a fact that a pill can't fix the world.

I just want out... this place is like a nightmare. I never chose to be born. So why should I have to live if I don't want to? What's even the point of living if you can never be who you want to be? This close to cutting... haven't done it in more than a year. I just... I don't know what to do. I don't want anymore help. All people do is try to help. Most of the time to help me do something I don't even want to do. I just want everything to go away. Everything. Including myself.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Everglow. Offline
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Name: Hollie
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Re: Sick of this ignorant world. - August 6th 2011, 04:27 PM

Hey Amanda,

I'm sorry you see the world in this way. I understand how you feel, and I do see where you're coming from. The world can show itself to be some horrible things and that can get us down an awful lot because it feels like it will always be that way, and we'll never be able to change it. IT doesn't mean that you can't live in it though. It might seem hard, but like you said, why can't you be you? There will always be people out there who disagree with the way you live your life, but we cant stop that. You can't please everyone. Some people will always judge how you look, who you love, what you feel like. But it's because they don't understand it, I think.

I know living in a world full of people who judge and make comments and often make us feel pretty bad is hard, but it's something we all need to do. There's no reason why life can't still be amazing, surrounded by some people who will support you. When it comes to what you were told about being with a woman, it's not true. Yes, you'll get the people who judge you for holding hands with a woman in public, but that doesn't mean you can't. I mean, if you were to kiss someone of the opposite sex in public you'd get the people who disagree with that. No matter what you do, you cannot ever please everyone, and that's something we have to understand and live with. Be yourself. The world shouldn't be able to change you, if you're happy with who you are despite them, then be yourself because yourself is amazing. The world had faults and flaws, but we can still live in it.

Chin up,
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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