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call_me_strange Offline
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sort of intro + rant - August 6th 2011, 04:59 AM

im currently 15 years old and have been selfharming since I was about 11. i have been abused physically and verbally by my father all my life. in fact today was definitely cringe worthy. i passed him a fork and he spazzed out at me claiming that I threw it at him and he came up into my face screaming & yelling.telling me hed kill me, break my jaw. he started punching and kicking me. i basically ran out of the house i just got back. and the thing that pissed me off the most was that I missed my movie .
iv attempted to kill myself before. a hanging that didn't quite workout.
I often get panic attacks, im never calm, my anxiety levels are crazy.
im also uber scared because i think iv juts given myself an eating disorder and well iv lost weight. on one hand im thrilled, but on the other im scared. i never needed to really lose the weight.
and this year I started to see and hear things.
I dont have many friends, or at least people I feel close to, its just not a good day. im feeling really shitty, honestly I wish I would fucking die.

i just hate everything and everyone including myself.
   
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: sort of intro + rant - August 6th 2011, 04:32 PM

Hey there.

I am really sorry that things are rough for you right now. I think it is really positive that you have come to this site for looking for support and it's great that you've posted this thread!

Panic attacks are horrible things to experience. They're not pleasant in the slightest and sometimes people honestly believe they may die when they are having one which makes them really scary. What I suggest for you is when you feel anxious, sit down in a quiet place and breathe in 1 2 3 4 and breathe out 1 2 3 4. Keep doing this a few times and it should help calm you down. Also take a look at this. This has some tips on how to control anxiety which I feel you may benefit from. Remember you're in control of your anxiety, it does not control you. You can beat it.

For help with your possible eating disorder you can always post here. You clearly understand you don't need to lose weight which is positive. Try and make yourself have set meals and snacks through out at the day. Varies your diet and make sure you getting the right nutrition. You can also exercise regularly but in a healthy way too. These both will help you keep your weight healthy. Remember if you're not eating a healthy balanced diet it can also affect your mood levels.

Self harm is a really difficult thing to deal with but it works which is why a lot of people use it. If you haven't already try taking a look at the list of alternatives to self harm. Not everything there will help you but some things will so it is all about trial and error. You're strong than self harm and you can beat it.

I know life seems hard right now and what you've been through is nothing you deserve to have experienced. But things can and they will get better for you. Things won't always be this way for you and you can be happy again.

I hope this helps a little and I hope things start to look up for you.
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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