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candicorn722 Offline
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Meh. - August 9th 2011, 07:55 AM

Why do I even bother anymore? I am a disaster and there is no way I can move on. I've cut myself on and off since my brother's death 4 years ago. My parents blame themselves and are beginning to lose hope in my recovery. It's not fair that my brother died when he was so perfect and I've been messed up my entire life and yet still living. My brother was there for me no matter what. I hate reminding my parents of their dead son every time they look at me. I'm doing more harm than good by being alive.

Yet I am still hesitant to kill myself. I want to prove that I can get through this and be stronger than I ever have been. I want to make my life worth something because I was chosen to live.

I'm so conflicted.
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Re: Meh. - August 9th 2011, 08:21 AM

I think the reason you "bother" anymore, is because deep down you know that the whole "doing more harm than good by being alive" isn't true.
Think of it this way: this sadness you and your parents are feeling over the loss of your brother? That'll just get that much worse for them if you kill yourself. I'm fairly sure you know this.
I know some days it can be really hard to keep functioning, especially when you feel so devastated over losing someone you care about. But that person wouldn't want you to end it over their loss of life. They'd want you to keep going, to keep pushing on so that the memory of them never dies. Maybe that sounds cliche, but if so there's a reason it's cliche.

I don't have much more I can say, other than please don't hesitate to PM/VM/Add me if you ever want/need to talk. I can't promise answers, or solutions. But I promise I'll listen and try my damnedest to help.

Stay strong and take care!<3

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Things get better.
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Re: Meh. - August 9th 2011, 04:38 PM

Originally Posted by candicorn722 View Post
I hate reminding my parents of their dead son every time they look at me. I'm doing more harm than good by being alive.
Then show them that you can be the best you possibly can. Show them that you can overcome this and yourself. Make them realize that you really do want everything to get better.

Originally Posted by candicorn722 View Post
I want to make my life worth something because I was chosen to live.
Like I said. Go out there and show everyone, including yourself, that you can do great things. The hardest thing you will ever do is conquer this inner turmoil. If you can overcome your longing to take your own life, and your self-harmful behaviour, you can overcome anything that crosses your path. And I really mean it. You can do this. Do it for your brother, because I have a strong feeling that he wouldn't have wanted it this way.

"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

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