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John Dow Offline
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Why go on? - August 9th 2011, 01:45 PM

I dont know what this is. Im lost in a world that seems to be so forgien to what it used to be like as a kid. My whole life ive been waiting till i was older had plans for everything. But now my life is like been lost in forest on a foggy winter morning. No one around and nothing in sight i just want to go back to how life use to be.

Im a 18 yr old male and everything in my life has drifted away from what it used to be. I fell inlove with the perfect girl who i could and will love for the rest of my life. As like all things in my life she grew away from me i now live my life working. I smoke and drink and can hardly sleep anymore and to be honest i feel as though im just stalling. Why do i need to go on when i have lost the girl of my dreams.

Im sorry for those who read this im venting this is how i feel and ive tried alot of times to put this on but every night i say "hey it will be fine" but tonight im just clicking the button
   
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Daivia Offline
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Re: Why go on? - August 9th 2011, 02:19 PM

I often ask myself the same question. I haven't found an answer.
   
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Re: Why go on? - August 9th 2011, 02:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Dow View Post
I dont know what this is. Im lost in a world that seems to be so forgien to what it used to be like as a kid. My whole life ive been waiting till i was older had plans for everything. But now my life is like been lost in forest on a foggy winter morning. No one around and nothing in sight i just want to go back to how life use to be.

Im a 18 yr old male and everything in my life has drifted away from what it used to be. I fell inlove with the perfect girl who i could and will love for the rest of my life. As like all things in my life she grew away from me i now live my life working. I smoke and drink and can hardly sleep anymore and to be honest i feel as though im just stalling. Why do i need to go on when i have lost the girl of my dreams.

Im sorry for those who read this im venting this is how i feel and ive tried alot of times to put this on but every night i say "hey it will be fine" but tonight im just clicking the button
I felt like that most of my life. When I was 16ish I went through a point where I didn't work or go to school for a year. I don't just mean 'hardly ever', I mean I dropped out and didn't do anything... probably left the house a few times a month. I'd always been depressed, but I'd always been great at hiding it. It got too much for me and I basically gave up on life. Everything just kind of drifted away from me... it killed that friends I had hung out with every weekend I barely saw anymore. I looked at my life and I couldn't help but think, what is there? I don't have a future. I should just give up. I should just kill myself because there is nothing for me. My life is this.

But it wasn't true. Things can change. It's not easy, and when people say things like 'just think more positively' or 'everyone feels that way when they're young', you just want to throttle them. I kind of think of getting out of 'the fog' you described like starting a new diet. You say 'I'll start this monday'. You take a step towards happiness, you get a job or you reconnect with someone. But by wednesday you're back to eating chocolate. That's because there is no magic red button you can push to be happy. It takes time and damn hard work. You make mistakes along the way. I still get sad sometimes. I wouldn't call myself 'happy', at least not all the time, but I'm not in that constant state of apathy and self hatred anymore either.

What I do know is that if you hate your life how it is you need to change it. I don't know what that is for you. Maybe it's school, or another job, finding new friends or getting in touch with old ones. Maybe it's moving across the country, or going on a holiday, or writing a book. The thing is, if you are constantly looking back you can never go forward. I know that sounds like something written on a cheesy greeting card, but it's true. I know this sucks but things aren't going to go back to the way they used to be. Maybe partially if you're lucky, but not completely. You need to work on making a future and a present for yourself that makes you as happy as you felt in the past.


To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget

~Arundhati Roy
   
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