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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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hazeleyesx Offline
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Confused, Trapped, Hurting - August 9th 2011, 07:09 PM

I dont really know what to say.. sorry if this is all over the place..

Im confused, dont really know what i should do. ill start by saying im in high school and a varsity athlete. Ive been feeling depressed since the beginning of sophomore year, i will be a senior this fall. i always used to be high honors - straight a's, but from sophomore year, its been a steady drop, a long, dark, never ending, tunnel. junior year i got d's and an f. i was lucky if i got a c. i lost many friendships, i am shy. i dont hang out with friends anymore, and dont have close friends i can talk to. ive been thinking about suicide since probably december 2010, the thought of killing myself has never left my mind. i just wish it would all end, im giving up more and more each day.

sports have been my outlook, theyre the only thing that keeps me going. i honestly feel if i wasnt as good an athlete as i am i would have killed myself months ago. no one knows i think about suicide, no one knows im depressed. ive become so good at putting on a smile and hiding the pain, its almost routine. i never let anyone in, i never cry, not even when im alone, i hold everything back.

but about 6 months ago i started cutting my wrists. i started because i knew the pain would make me cry and i could feel something and maybe, somehow, be able to give a care about anything - living. well it worked i cried, and bled, a lot, but still didnt care. i just want an end to all this pain, a way out. i felt a rush, and now thats what i turn to - cutting. each time i cut it gets worse, deeper and more bleeding. i cant help it. but its getting harder to hide my wrists, because i am constantly playing a sport. so i just become more secretive and i cut on my hips.

there is one person i trust, my coach, who also teaches at my school. he knows my grades have dropped and we've talked about that, but i could never find a way to tell him its because im depressed.

i want to tell him, but i feel trapped and confused. i dont know how to approach it, what do i say? "hey im depressed and i wanna kill myself!"? i dont know what to say? what do i say? "i need to talk to you"? how do i approach telling him everything?

i think if just one person knows, if i have just one person to talk to i will be okay and able to deal with it. but its so hard keeping everything inside. if i do end up telling him im depressed and i cut and cant stop thinking about how i will kill myself, will he have to tell someone? like a professional or something? i know i can trust him, i know he will help me, but im afraid if i tell him everything he will have to say something. so what im asking is, if i tell him, does he HAVE to tell someone else?

please help me, any advice is grately appreciated, im so confused, trapped, and hurting

thank you for taking time to read this, sorry it was long.
   
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Bubbly751 Offline
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Re: Confused, Trapped, Hurting - August 9th 2011, 08:50 PM

First off welcome to TH! If you ever need anything or just want to chat feel free to vm or pm me.

I just want to say your not alone, I have struggled with the depression, cutting, and suicidal feelings. They can take a lot to deal with, but stay strong. Things will get better.

It took me almost three years to tell someone how I was feeling, but it was the best decision I've made in a long time. I told my school counselor, I just said "I cut". I'm
sure your coach will understand, what ever you tell him. You can just let him know that you want to talk about something. Then when you are in private tell him straight up.

In most places teachers are required to tell your school counselor, who will most likely talk to you and then may or may not tell your guardian. From there they might require you to see them or suggest a therapist outside of school.


Feel free to PM or VM me

Sh free since 7/10/16

I've been here for 3 years and counting!!
   
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football94 Offline
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Re: Confused, Trapped, Hurting - August 10th 2011, 02:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by volleyballchick751 View Post
First off welcome to TH! If you ever need anything or just want to chat feel free to vm or pm me.

I just want to say your not alone, I have struggled with the depression, cutting, and suicidal feelings. They can take a lot to deal with, but stay strong. Things will get better.

It took me almost three years to tell someone how I was feeling, but it was the best decision I've made in a long time. I told my school counselor, I just said "I cut". I'm
sure your coach will understand, what ever you tell him. You can just let him know that you want to talk about something. Then when you are in private tell him straight up.

In most places teachers are required to tell your school counselor, who will most likely talk to you and then may or may not tell your guardian. From there they might require you to see them or suggest a therapist outside of school.
I have to agree. Actually I am going to be a senior too and I started having difficulties with my emotions. Why do you think your grades fell? because of your lost friendships or something else? I'm here to help if you want it
   
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