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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I'm a cunt and I deserve to die. - August 19th 2011, 09:42 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm literally crying as I type this so please read and please, please, PLEASE try to help me.

I fuck over any chances I'd ever have with the girl who I very much consider to be the one (don't tell me there are other people because there aren't), I've pissed off somebody who really liked me, and to top it all off, I've completely fucked up my friendship with the one person I was able to talk to. Then there's me failing at school, me having no social life, me having no real friends, me being so god damn ugly, me having sh problems involving painkillers and cutting myself, me putting my parents through a nightmare, and shitloads of other things. Every single fucking time my life looks up it plummets straight back down. I'm not literally left with nobody. I'm at my fucking wit's end here. There's nothing left for me and I swear to god the only way to finally sort out everything is by killing myself. I've thought of methods and everything so it's likely that it'll actually come to this. I mean, I'm rather tempted to just get a bottle of Vodka, down it all along with a load of painkillers, and jump in the canal that's conveniently two minutes away from my house. Oh, and slash my wrists/arms/legs/EVERYTHING just to ensure it works.

If you're going to try to help, I'm feeling a fixture of anger/extreme depression right about now so if I lash out on you, sorry.

I'm just not sure what to do any more. Help me if you can I guess.
   
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Re: I'm a cunt and I deserve to die. - August 19th 2011, 11:36 PM

We can only help if you will accept it.

I don't know much to say, but maybe you should try for support and advice in the Chat Room or on LiveHelp. These are the best instant forms of help we have on here. It sounds like you could use someone to talk to immediately. <3

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there.
You are strong for posting for help.

Kelly
   
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Re: I'm a cunt and I deserve to die. - August 19th 2011, 11:58 PM

Hello,

I'll try my best to help

I'd like you to remember that you're only 17 years old . You have years and years of a good life ahead of you, you've come here for help so you want to change that.

You shouldn't hate yourself for making a few mistakes, everyone does, there's nothing wrong with it.

I'd just like to say that don't do anything irrational because you could regret ever trying so please keep your head up and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel I promise you
   
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Re: I'm a cunt and I deserve to die. - August 20th 2011, 04:51 AM

Relationships--whether it be with someone you really love, or a friend, or your family--aren't everything. In the end, what actually matters is how you feel inside. Just you. Everyone fucks up from time to time, and yeah, it really sucks when you've completely mutilated every meaningful relationship you have and you feel completely alone. But people are surprisingly resilient--especially the ones you're closest to. It sounds like you're putting entirely too much store by your relationships. I think maybe the best thing for you to do right now is shut off for a little while and use this time to be a bit introspective and look at what's really important to you. Create something. Write a poem, paint a picture, do what you love to do. Turn these horrible, black feelings into something beautiful--or something terrible, it's completely your choice. Then when you feel ready, go back to everyone you feel you've pushed away and talk to them. Say you're sorry, do everything in your power to make them realize that you are sorry for your actions.

Everything's a journey in itself. Your self-harm is something you will probably struggle with for an extended period of time, or maybe not. You never know. Everything in life is temporary and nothing ever stays the same. In two months, everything could be radically different. Don't off yourself now just because things are hard. Tomorrow could be the best day of your life--it sounds vastly unlikely right now, I know, but trust me on this one. It goes up and down and you just have to go with it. Just take each minute as it comes, bawl your eyes out and its perfectly okay to want to be alone for a little while to think things out. You're incredibly strong for posting this at all and reaching out. If you ever need a chat, shoot me a PM. You can do this.
   
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