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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Name: Amanda.
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So tired... - August 23rd 2011, 02:07 AM

It's honestly not fair. Things are finally looking up for me. I have friends. Sure, maybe not that many, but more than I had a year ago. I'm doing well in school, my family is proud of me. So why do I feel this way again? Does it ever go away, or am I doomed to stay this way forever?

I don't trust anyone, I overreact about everything. I ruin all of my relationships with other people because I have to be freaking bipolar or something. Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I have normal relationships and just be sane? And why do I have to like girls? Just add that to my plate. At first I was cool with it but now I'm really not.

Every day feels pointless. Like I'm just going through the motions. And there's no more help to give. I've tried almost every medication that's out there, and at first they're great. But they all stop working after awhile. I figured this one was finally the right one, because it lasted for so long. But apparently not.

I don't want anymore doctor appts. I don't want to go to school for emotionally impaired people. Sure, I like it there, but I just want to be normal. But I can't go to regular school because of my gosh darn anxiety.

None of my friends ever text me back, especially my supposed girlfriend. No one cares. I feel alone. And the only people I know would understand how I feel don't give a shit. I hate being alive...

You don't have to answer this thread, I doubt anyone cares. I've ruined my own life. I guess I just have to deal with it...

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: So tired... - August 23rd 2011, 03:51 AM

Amanda; you're stronger than this. you know you are, and you know you're going to make it through this. Sometimes these feelings just happen. They'll go away, don't worry. Try to distract yourself as best you can. Your friends do care, even if they're not expressing it the way you'd like them to. Give it time darling. Things will improve<3

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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Fading Light. Offline
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Re: So tired... - August 23rd 2011, 11:30 AM

Hey Amanda.

First off, people do care. I care. So of course I'm going to reply to this. And if you ever want to talk, I'm just a PM away.

I'm not going to tell you that life's fair. I'm not going to tell you that it'll all work out, because I don't know that. But I'm also not going to tell you that it's okay to give up, or that you shouldn't try to work things out. Because that's not the right thing to do. Life is hard sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it. Sometimes things happen for no reason; bad things happen, not because you deserve it, but just because they do. So the best you can do is deal with it and keep going.

Things are better. You said that yourself. But that doesn't mean they have to be perfect. It's okay to have these feelings, and to express them. It also doesn't mean you'll always feel this way.

You've taken a good first step to overcoming your problems: you've identified them. It's a bit hard to work through your problems if you don't know what they are in the first place, wouldn't you say? Let's address each one separately.

You say you don't trust anyone - do you know why that is? Has something happened to make you not trust anyone? If so, what can you do to move on from it? How can you work through it? With issues like this, it's good to start small. Baby steps, you know? One day you could tell a friend something personal about yourself, or you could give an honest answer when someone asks how you are, or you could put yourself out there and ask a friend over or something. Little things like that can help you start trusting again.

You also say you overreact. Many people do, but at least you're aware of it. Next time you overreact to something, point it out to yourself, and put it into perspective. Try to figure out why you overreacted, and how you can deal with it in the future.

I don't mean to pull the 'You're young and have your whole life ahead of you' trick, but really, it's okay to have had disastrous relationships. It doesn't mean all yours are destined to be, or that there's something wrong with you. It happens, especially in your teenage years. Just learn from the past, and let it help your future.

As for liking girls, it's okay not to be okay with that. Even I still have days where I'm not entirely okay with that side of me. But then I remind myself that it's who I am, and there's nothing wrong with it. It doesn't make you abnormal or anything. It's just who you are. Sometimes you might be okay with it, and others you may not; that's fine. Give yourself time, and don't try to rush it. In time, you'll learn to fully accept it, and maybe even embrace it.

If every day seems pointless, give them meaning. Set yourself goals, and achieve them. Shake things up once in a while, keep them fresh, and don't let yourself get into a rut. There's a difference between feeling alone and being alone, and I can assure you that you're not the latter. There are still people who care, and if your friends aren't putting in the effort, it might be time to try and find some more. Broaden your horizons, expand your circle, and all those other wishy-washy phrases that mean find new friends. You deserve to be treated well.

Finally, you haven't ruined your own life. For one thing, this isn't your fault. You can't help how you feel, or the things that have happened to you. You just have to do what you can with what you have. And secondly, your life isn't ruined. This isn't something you can't come back from. You are stronger than this, and you can get through it.

All the best. <3

if you know the hunter's coming
then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Re: So tired... - August 23rd 2011, 06:18 PM

Thank you guys, I appreciate the support. The funny thing is is that I seem to get more support here on TH than I do from my friends. Every time I ask them for support I feel like I'm bothering them, and they don't help me to feel otherwise. But I made it through the worst of my depression pretty much alone, so I guess that I'm strong enough to get through stuff regardless. Thanks for the replies, it really means a lot.

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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