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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Lovehatelife23 Offline
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Unhappy i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 01:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i aint perfect, i aint wat my parents were looking for, my mom hates me, my brother is a agravating. I cant do anything right, i dont have people on myside to give me confidence in life soo i can try anything...All i am to them is a Maid I want to Die...I want to leave this earth n never come back...I cry everyday n everynite thinkin of wat have i done to them or to myself. I dont understand. What have i done? Am i a Bad person? Im losing myself...Im losing my faith that ive gained in a couple of months, Why cant i just End it n just let them live the life without me sence i am a Mistake n someone they dont want to be around...


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 02:48 PM

You're are in no way a bad person, neither are you a mistake. that's definitely not true

You may feel alone but understand that there are people everywhere that what you to feel good about yourself again, confidence is great and I want you to build that up again

Don't go because your going through a rough spot, fight through it and come out happy again

PM me if you want, I'm here to help
   
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 03:03 PM

Leslie, no-one in the whole world is perfect. Our imperfections and flaws make us who we are as a person. I'm sorry to hear that your family situation is poor, but you can't let that rule your life.

Confidence comes from within, not from other people. All of us.. We have to learn how to be happy on our own than to be dependent on others for happiness.

Have you considered telling someone offline about how you are feeling? You took a great step by posting this thread, because I know it must have been difficult to do so.

Keep on reaching out and take care.
   
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 04:01 PM

yes i have n the person i ended up seening she wasnt a very good person. People keep telling me there are more Therapist out there...I have problems with my family that isnt working out right now. Im not trying to seek Attention! Im just in need of someone to talk to bout somethings. But How when i cant barely get out of the house n do things. It agravates me soo much. I just feel like if i left this earth everyone would be alot happier without me in their way. IDK anymore...I guess im just going to faid away slowly until im going to Shatter into pieces n Gone.


Im Losin my everything...


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 06:40 PM

Would you be willing to consider going to another therapist?

If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us or maybe get in touch with a hotline. There is HelpLINK here, as well as Live Help. You could private message someone to talk about your feelings, or phone a hotline (which are often free). There are always options.

Suicide doesn't solve anything. It's not the answer.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 07:31 PM

i would but my dad says it doesnt seem to help. Soo i just gave out on that n just wanted to try to solve my own problems until they got worse. I would do the hotline but they the sence of you being suicidal then they have to call the cops n get me imediate attention before i did something serious n ended my life. Wich i tried doing that n i ended up telling my parents after a few hours when they got home. n i almost lost my Life if i didnt get in the ER in time.. i felt bad for wat i did to my parents...I knew i did wrong but then i thought it was right bc of how i felt n the reason why i wanted to Die. I just dont do these things without a reason. I make sure i have a reason.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 07:52 PM

Could you talk with your Dad again and explain the issues that you're having?

Calling a hotline means that you get the opportunity to talk out your feelings. If they send somebody for you, it just means they care about you and your wellbeing. So please don't worry if that does happen. You will be taken good care of.
   
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 08:24 PM

ya but it just gives me a bad name again bc im going to end up back into a mental hospital. Wich it wasnt bad the first time i went to the Adult unit but the second time it was bad bc there was a bad man that was next door to me n my roomate n he ended up beatin a old guy up for no reason n they had to shutdown the unit n get the cops in there n arrest him. the old guy had to seek attention for wat he done to him durnin the nite. Me n my roomate watched the whole thing from our door. it scared me. that day we had like 2 or 3 red alerts n a yellow on 2. they had to tie 2 people down to a bed bc they were in bad behavior. Its scary when ur in a Adult Unit. But when your in a Kids unit its not that bad bc then you have teenagers that have the same situation as you. but in a Adult unit u barely have anyone like you. They have Drug users, Suicidal people, Alcoholics. Its bad. They have their own issues. n then they break down sometimes n end up takin it out on some others that didnt do anything to them. its crazy.


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 09:04 PM

Don't worry about what other people will think of you. You need to focus on you, not others.

I'm sorry you had a disconcerting experience the last time you were in hospital. There are going to be people who have their own issues which might cause them to "behave badly" but you can't let that put you off from getting better. I am sure that the hospital would make sure you and other patients were safe.
   
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 09:13 PM

ya i try my best to be the best kid for my parents n friends, it just doesnt seem enough. I just feel like im fallin apart..into pieces...My heart is Broken. Ive been crying for close to 30 mins bc i feel like i am A Mistake to my parents n this world...Man i wish i wouldve never told my parents that i overdosed n just died slowly painfully death...i dont care if i go to Hell or Heaven...I just want to be free!!!!


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 09:23 PM

You say you're a failure, and that you can't do anything right. I'd say you're clearly wrong. And I am sure that there's something that you admire, something you are very good at, if not the best.

Take a second thought about these adults. You don't belong there, and you know it. You have experienced things that would bring anyone down, and yet still you stand. You're lost, but there's still hope. If everyone were like you, there would be no war, murder, or theft. You're not anyone, you're special.


"A weed, is an unloved flower."
   
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 10:23 PM

i understand. It gets aggravating bc people just dont understand why i am like this n why i do the things i do. I always been like this sence i was 4 years old when i got adopted. It seems im never going to change. Im probely going to be locked up somewhere one day where ill never get out. I just dont want to get to that point. Im just tired of feeling this way. Ive looked for help. Ive tried sources. Ive tried talkin. Ive tried getting my mind off of it. it just never ends. Its tearing me apart...Piece by Piece...


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 24th 2011, 10:31 PM

You've got tremendous energy within yourself. Even if you cry, even if you hurt, it's still there. It has to be a massive force, the longer it goes, the heavier it gets. You must let a lot of energy go, a very lot, but not all of it. If you lose it all, and nothing is left, you'll die.

No, you can't keep going, but neither can you stop completely. Death is devastating. You have so much within you, if you let go completely, what will be of you?


"A weed, is an unloved flower."
   
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Re: i want to Die!!! - August 25th 2011, 12:19 AM

i just want to say i'm here for you no matter what.

"we are beautiful in every single way"





"Stop acting like you know what I've been through, you know nothing until you've actually lived every moment and felt every ounce of pain that I have."

"Someone asked me if i missed you, I just walked away then I whispered, so much" I'll miss you forever, Vernon and Charlene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bWrL...eature=related
   
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Unhappy Re: i want to Die!!! - August 25th 2011, 01:00 AM

You guys are being very helpful to me...n thanx for listening to me..i dont get that much around here bc i always get pushed away. i dont understand why my life is the way it is. I blame it on my Real Mom bc of wat she did to me while i was in her. It aggravates me soo much bc she took something away from me that i cant do now. She has ruined my life. Everytime i get upset or mad or something i think of her n Ask why you do this to me? Why did you ruin my Life? Why did you make me Suffer like this? When me n my mom (now) get into it n i tell her that ("I hope she routs in Hell") Well i dont really mean it too her i Really mean it to my Real mom when me n my mom (now) get into it. My mom doesnt want me around her. She just pushes me away. Its like our friendship was there along time ago n now we Split into different parts n starting to hate each other. Everytime we get into it i end up doing something stupid to myself n take it out on myself. I just want to feel loved by her again.... I just dont get that anymore.. it makes me sad..n cry


R.I.P
CJ Collins 1993-2008
He was a Awesome Kid
I Love you n Miss you


You learn at a certain pace. Then that pace goes away. Then

you try and try to do everything you can. Then it gets harder.

Then you give up. Then its all over.

Leslie
  Send a message via Skype™ to Lovehatelife23 
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