Triggering (Suicide): he did it

[I Miss You]

for those of you that dont know...my best freind Russell [Edited By Jazz Guy] murdered his family and then set the house on fire and then commited suicide...

after his death..i came across a article in the newspaper over the internet and was horrfied at what i read...

the article stated that DNA taken from some glass shards of bret's bedroom window was a 99% match with Russell's blood...

now after reading this ..i didnt know what to think

The article further states that he was hearing voices and that the weapons used to commit the murders was a shotgun and a rifle..

Not only that ..but a crime sence photo wa shown where the bodies were at the time that the murders were commited...

This revelation made a unbearable situation worse...

I dont understand why in the world that the closest freind i have ever had would do something like this.

To this very day as i sit here writing this...i cant understand it..i feel that it is my fault for what happened...he was my best freind and i sat back and watched it unfold...

The truth is ..i never should have moved away...I shouldnt have left him when he needed me..i let him down in the worst way....

i just want to kill myself and join him..i really do

[alibear101]

hey hun, you didn't know that he needed you. he was in a dark place and he would have needed lots of therapy and help... there was nothing you could do to prevent this. all i know is that he loves you and is looking down on you from heaven and wishing you knew how much he cared. you are so strong and dying is not an option. you have to stay alive. you are so important to everyone here on th. especially me. you are more important than anything in the world. I love you and you are going to get through this okay? I promise *squeezes your hand tightly*

[Kate*]

Drew, this was NOT your fault in any way, shape, or form. Russell did this apparently because he was suffering from some form of mental illness, not because of something you did or didn't do. You didn't know he was going to do something like that and even if you had, aside from telling someone there would have been very little, if anything, you could've done to stop him.

[Ashleyhateslife]

If you join your buddy, imagine how the people around you would feel! Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, neighbors, and other people around your community would be lost without you. You may feel like not many people need you but I'm sure your buddy felt the same way. If you kill yourself imagine the people you love feeling the same way you do now. You'd be hurting them, and they to would blame themselves and possibly kill themselves to, it can become a chain of suicide.... Stop the chain now by not starting it many people love you, including us on TH. We need you just as much as you may need us. Be strong and seek the help that you may need. Pm me anytime. Best of luck, don't forget to smile!

[Iridescence]

Drew, none of this is any of your fault. It was his decision to do this crime. You did not play a role in his decision.
Yes this is sad that your friend would decide to do that, but all must be forgotten.
As for you wanting to join him, don't. Doing the same thing he did won't help you or those who love you.
Just hold on tight, because life isn't a smooth, simple ride.
xx

[I Miss You]

two days after it happened..i must have called his house over a hundred times...praying to god that someone would pick up....

then i asked my mother to tivo the news..and i saw the news that night..and i saw the burning buliding..and even tho i didnt scream at the top of my lungs...inside i was dying..i was screaming inside...

and two weeks later i searched the internet for suicide methods...and i came up with a plan to kill myself...

i still have my plan..and yes it is foolproof....

im a awful,horrible,selfish,self absorbed,terrible person who deserves to die...

i dont deserve to be happy..i dont deserve for anyone to care about me...and i sure as hell dont deserve anyone to love me.

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

two days after it happened..i must have called his house over a hundred times...praying to god that someone would pick up....

then i asked my mother to tivo the news..and i saw the news that night..and i saw the burning buliding..and even tho i didnt scream at the top of my lungs...inside i was dying..i was screaming inside...

and two weeks later i searched the internet for suicide methods...and i came up with a plan to kill myself...

i still have my plan..and yes it is foolproof....

im a awful,horrible,selfish,self absorbed,terrible person who deserves to die...

i dont deserve to be happy..i dont deserve for anyone to care about me...and i sure as hell dont deserve anyone to love me.

*wraps my arm around your waist and gently rocks you back and forth* shhh drew, this isn't your fault. anyone who goes through anything like this is a hero in my eyes and heroes deserve to be loved and cared about. you are in now way awful, horrible, self absorbed, selfish or terrible. whenever we talk you always comfort me when I'm sad and you are always so strong. you have been talking to me since february, thats almost 9 months. i remember you were suicidal when we first talked and look you are still alive talking to me today. that just proves to me that somewhere, deep down in that beautiful, broken soul of yours, you do want to live. i want you to think about that, hold on to it and keep pushing forward, one hour at a time, one day at a time and you will get through this. it will eventually get easier and the pain that was caused by russell and lisa's death will still be there, but you will have me and i'll do my best to help to relieve that horrible pain. I'm sorry for this being so long, i just want you to know that you have someone right here who cares and loves you. there never was one moment where i have doubted your strength in trying to survive. i believe that one day, you will be happy again. it will take time but you will get there and you'll be okay, you won't need or want me anymore. i promise you its going to be okay. just don't give up yet! please. i love you <3

[I Miss You]

i will always need you in my life lil sis..u mean so much to me

its just that if he had it in him to kill someone..why didnt he fucking kill me

[Childish Giggle]

Maybe he loved you too much and wanted you to live.

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i will always need you in my life lil sis..u mean so much to me

its just that if he had it in him to kill someone..why didnt he fucking kill me

i honestly don't know the answer that that hun. i wish i did and i wish i could make everything okay for you but i can't. all i can say is that its going to get easier for you. next year when the anniversary of his death comes around it will be a little bit easier and it wil continue to get easier. i'll help yo through it. you don't have to deal with it alone okay? its almost your birthday and i want to be able to send you a present and a card to make you feel better. please let me do that?

[I Miss You]

i want my best freind back

[Childish Giggle]

Make a new best friend. You will find loads here itself.

[Megan1]

First off, I wanted to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through and that I wish I could be a bigger help even though I don't know you. Please remember that if you were to kill yourself too, you would leave someone else feeling the way that you feel now about Russell. You may think that nobody cares, but this thread has proven that AT LEAST your close friends on here care. I'm sure you have more people than that who care too, but you have at least these ones for sure. I know you don't want to leave anyone feeling the way that you feel right now. I hope that doesn't sound like a guilt trip, because that's not the intent.

I read your other thread where you mentioned that your grandmother also committed suicide. It's common for suicidal thoughts to run in families and for your emotions to take after that of your parents and grandparents. However, there have been so many people who have proven that you can overcome it differently than they did and start a NEW legacy for YOUR future children. The chain can end with you. No it won't be easy, but it definitely can happen. This isn't to say that you will completely forget about your friend or what happened, but you will be able to live without being constantly hurting like you are now. It may feel impossible to ever get to that point, but I'm living proof that it's not.

I wish I knew what more to say, but I will be praying for you.

[Magaly]

Awwww hun
I'm so sorry about your friend
I promise it will get easier as time goes on.
But don't kill yourself hun, please.
That wont make anything better, and your friend wouldn't have wanted you to die.

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i want my best freind back

takes you in my arms and slowly rocks you back and forth* he wasn't happy here beautiful, he needed to leave this world. he was in too much pain and at the time didn't want to deal with anything anymore. i am sure that if russell was here today he would want you to be happy don't you think?

[I Miss You]

i always want what i cant have

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i always want what i cant have

what do you want hun?

[I Miss You]

Originally Posted by alibear101

what do you want hun?

to be happy...to know that someone loves me for me...

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

to be happy...to know that someone loves me for me...

gently takes you into my arms and holds you close to me trying to protect you from everything* drew, i love you with all of my heart. when i think of how far you come it inspires me, it helps me to see that i can also go on, you make me believe that things do get better. you are a sweet, kind and caring guy who deserves to be happy and right now thats not happening which i don't understand at all. but I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not ever leaving you. i want you to be happy so badly that i would give you everything i have just so that you could be happy for a day. i hate seeing you sad. my best friend is sad and it breaks my heart. i dunno how to help him and it scares me. but drew, you are loved and i accept you for all of who you are. its why i love you. don't forget that

[I Miss You]

starts crying hard

[Roy-kun231]

*hugs you tightly* We're all here for you, Drew. If you need to talk, you can PM me any time.

I don't know how it feels to have a friend actually go through with it, but both my brother and a friend of mine are suicidal. And so am I. You can make it through this, Drew.

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

starts crying hard

wipes away those tears* smile, we will talk again tomorrow

[I Miss You]

i just miss them sooooo bad
*looks at blade*

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i just miss them sooooo bad
*looks at blade*

*holds your hands and leans in to kiss you* as hard as this is drew they are in a better place. the feeling of missing them will never go away, but i will try my very very best to be here and ease that pain. i don't care if i have to fly out to california, or walk 1000miles. I'm always going to be here to help you <3

[I Miss You]

thanks little sister

[alibear101]

please be okay

[I Miss You]

i want to be with him really really bad
i dont think i can do this anymore
im so emotionally tired

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i want to be with him really really bad
i dont think i can do this anymore
im so emotionally tired

i know you do sweetie, and ones day in the very far future you will be. but for now you are stuck with me okay? i can only imagine how tired you are of fighting, but you don't have to fight alone alright? I'm here

[I Miss You]

i cant do this without him....
i cant live without him
i want to join him
i give up*crying*

im sooo sorry little sister..for what im about to do

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i cant do this without him....
i cant live without him
i want to join him
i give up*crying*

im sooo sorry little sister..for what im about to do

yes you can and you will sweetheart. you are sooo unbelievably strong
and i cannot imagine living life without you. i need you so bad right now, you can't leave. please don't leave me,

[I Miss You]

there was awful secret that he kept from me for over 8 years

in 1995..when i was going through the suicide of my grandmother..his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer...

for eight years she fought it...but in jan 2003..we were talking one night..and he finally told me what was going on..

he told me that he had to put his mother into a hopsice..

and tow weeks after that the cancer spread from her breast to her bones..and finally into her brain...

i cant even begin to imagine the pain he must have been going through..

i just wish that i could have helped him..i feel so selfish by not telling him that i loved him

gahhhh

[screwdriverneedsgas]

you werent selfish. you were dealing with so much.... but i assure you, your friend wants to see you happy =) smile for him, be happy for him.. and remember the people we love never truly leave us. =)

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

there was awful secret that he kept from me for over 8 years

in 1995..when i was going through the suicide of my grandmother..his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer...

for eight years she fought it...but in jan 2003..we were talking one night..and he finally told me what was going on..

he told me that he had to put his mother into a hopsice..

and tow weeks after that the cancer spread from her breast to her bones..and finally into her brain...

i cant even begin to imagine the pain he must have been going through..

i just wish that i could have helped him..i feel so selfish by not telling him that i loved him

gahhhh

oh sweetie, im sorry. there probably was a very good reason that he kept the secret. you are not selfish sweetheart. i can guarunteee that russel knew exactly how you felt.

[JellyBean4986]

your not selfish hun!

[*Learningtobreathe*]

you are not selfish u were unaware of wht he was going through. be strong for all the people who care and love you.

[I Miss You]

I'm feeling suicidal. Help

[amandaann]

Please don't

[alibear101]

neither of you are leaving this place. i love you to much. i can't lose 2 at once

[I Miss You]

i wanted to apolgize for what i said in my last post
didnt mean to break the rules

[alibear101]

Originally Posted by I Miss You

i wanted to apolgize for what i said in my last post
didnt mean to break the rules

i forgive you baby <3