Triggering (Suicide): Is there anyone out there I can talk to who's been through something like this?

[ashmeister]

My name is Ashley and I'm in my last year of highschool. I had a boyfriend named Aaron who started dating me almost two years ago. When we first started dating everything was fine and good and we were so happy. I had a few trust issues because I had been used by a few of my close friends and I don't have very many. After the first while he was telling me he loved me and I was the most amazing girl and I was beautiful and I started to trust him. I opened myself up to him and gave him everything I could. Soon after we started dating my parents split up and my life was changed quite dramatically. He was there for me every step of the way and we fell head-first into love. We were inseparable but like all couples we got more casual with each other. We slept together and it was both of our first times. That night he told me that he would never love anyone else because I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I made him the happiest person alive. Fast forward almost two years and he left me for one of his female friends who is the loosest girl in school. She has a reputation for ruining peoples relationships because it's all one big game for her. He used to call her bug as a nickname and I just thought it was funny until he started hideing his phone and his poetry book (which used to be filled with poems about me) from me. The beginning of the week after I had invited him to my grandparents house and we had an amazing weekend at the fair where we rode rides and he told me he loved me, I wrote a letter to him saying how much I love him and how I was willing to work through anything to be with him. I gave him the letter in the morning expecting him to be happy but we had to go to class so I decided to ask him about it after school. At the end of the day I asked him about it and he said he wanted to end things. He dumped me right there and told me it had nothing to do with the other girl. That night I was showed his Tumblr account which I had never known of by a friend. It was filled with love songs about her which had been written while we were still dating and the most recent one being about how he loves her more than he ever loved me. She has no real interest in her but she keeps stringing him along to this day. Where it gets bad is the day after he broke it off I was an absolute wreck. I had been prescribed antidepressants a year ago and he had helped me take them on time every night right until he started getting involved with that chick. I saw him at school laughing with her and I couldn't take it. I went to the school bathroom and took half a bottle of Prozac. I didn't really feel much after that so closer to the end of the day I figured I'd finish things off with a bottle of pain killers. I texted him and said goodbye and that I still loved him and he never responded. I woke up in the hospital at about midnight that night, incredibly confused and scared. My parents were there and the first thing I asked about was him. They said they had read my texts and they called him and he hadn't told anyone what I had done or even cared in the slightest even though he had my parents phone numbers and even my close friends in his classes whom he was told he was supposed to let know if I was ever going to hurt myself. I stayed at the hospital for the rest of the week and talked to a phsychologist and said that I wanted to go back to school. That was a huge mistake. After my first day I couldn't even handle seeing his face. I go to a fairly small high school (about 1000+ people) and I have to see him whenever I'm in the halls. I can't even look at my own body because all I can remember is him telling me how beautiful it was. Every time I try to distract myself I think of him because we shared absolutely everything together. How am I ever supposed to open myself up to someone again? Is there anybody else who feels like this? If there is any people who have been in this situation I'd love to know I'm not alone and how you got through it. And if any guys answer, do you think there's a chance of me finding somebody who is willing to help me get past my trust issues and I'll be able to trust with my heart?

[alibear101]

Hey there.
I am so sorry for what you have been through. Some guys are just complete assholes and will fall for girls even if they aren't good people. It can be heart breaking to lose a guy that you opened up to, I understand completely. I met a guy in September of last year and we got very close, we started dating in January and we both fell madly in love with each other. We lasted 6 months, but at the end of June things went down hill. We fought almost every time we talked and he was always extremely distant. Finally I asked him about it and he told me that he had found someone better than me and didn't want to deal with me and my problems anymore. He told me that i was too depressed and that I took up too much of his time. This was heartbreaking as only 12 hours earlier he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and no one else. It hurts beyond measure to think that he can pull the wool over my eyes so easily. I gave my heart to him and he broke it beyond repair.

So yes, i do know how you are feeling. I can only imagine how much it hurt you to realize that he didn't even care about the text you sent him. That boy clearly has no heart. He does not deserve someone as amazing and special as you. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, love, care, and gives you what you need/want. It may be hard but with time, love and care you would be okay. It won't be easy, at first it will feel like everything reminds you of him. do not go to the mall on the weekend, i learned that right away when i went the day after we broke up and all i saw were couples. You just have to realize that what happens is for the best. no matter what it is, it may hurt you right now but its for the best. That may be hard for you but he is a scum bag. you deserve so much better. What i did when the breakup first happened was i burned every single one of his pictures. I was creating a book with drawings and quotes for him and i ripped them up into tiny pieces and shoved them in a kleenex box with all my dirty tissues. Take a week for yourself, do whatever you want, even if that means curling up into a ball on the couch and watching dirty dancing over and over and over again. eat all the comfort foods in the world and don't be afraid to cry. That helped me so much.

I don't know if this helps, but please message me because i want to be here for you

[Ghost On The Highway]

I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months, but this honestly made me cry. Not very Christian of me to say this, but I hope she hurts him like he hurt you, just so he'll understand the feeling (if indeed he can). For me it's a Catch-22. I'm depressed and lonely because I don't have anyone to turn to, but I still feel that I have the strength to carry on. If someone hurt me like that I don't know if I could go on fighting. And so I wait, the hedgehog staring through the glass, ever romantic, ever sad.

Please know that there are guys out there who care, just like I know there are girls out there. They're just damn hard to find.

[Missmaggie55]

Hi there,

I have felt heartbroken in the past and it takes everything out of you. I can completely empathize with you and the feelings you're having. You are definitely not alone.

I will say that what helped through my heart break was focusing all of my energy on me. Writing questions in a journal and figuring out who I was and what MY dreams were. The problem was that I had put all of my energy and effort into US and when there was no more US, I was lost. It hurt so badly. I thought I would never love another person again. I can assure you that I was wrong.

I now describe a relationship as two seperate entities coming together to join a third entity (the relationship). You are unique. There has never been and never will be anyone like you. You bring your unique qualities and special rock star self to the relationship. The other individual brings their own special rock star qualities as well. Each person should stay true to themselves, and embrace their unique individuality. I learned that you can not truly love someone else until you truly accept yourself and LOVE yourself first. Once you have done that you have already established the fact that you are WHOLE. You do not NEED anyone else to be happy or feel loved. You already are, which means that when you do meet someone who blows your mind you are in a place where you can love them with all your heart and not lose yourself in them.

I hope this has help and I promise that the pain you are feeling is temporary. Although it is hard to accept right now, this too shall pass as everything does. Nothing is constant. Everything is temporary. I'm here if ever you need to chat or vent.