Triggering (Suicide): Just can't shake the thoughts.

[DizzyDolphin]

I just can't shake the thoughts I have had today about self-harm, and eventually I did hurt myself, though the the thoughts became more thoughts on suicide, and I just can't get rid of them, I cannot seem to get them out my head. And it scares me.

[Palmolive]

Hi there :-)

Firstly I wanted to say how glad I am that you've managed to come in to the forums and post this thread. That's a really positive and something that you should be proud of yourself for. It can be really hard to ask for help or to let anyone know what's going on so posting this is a really positive thing!

As for the self harm, it's a dangerous thing to do and I would hate for anything bad to happen to you because of self harm. I don't know in what way you've been hurting yourself but what ever the way is, I want to encourage you to seek medical help if it is ever needed. I also want to encourage you to talk a look at this list of alternatives to self harm so that you get a few ideas and can try them out when you do have the urges to hurt yourself. Not everything on that list is going to work for you so it is all about trial and error and it's very important that when you do come across something which does not work for you, that you don't let it set you back and give up. Because there are things which will help you. I know it's hard to beat self harm when you feel like you want to hurt yourself but you hurting you is not going to stop what ever emotional pain is going on for you right now or anything that has happened to you in your life. It is not going to take away the underlying problem as to why you self harm and there for is, in the long run pretty pointless. You are worth more than the pain you're inflicting upon yourself, you don't deserve it in the slightest and you can overcome and beat self harm. It's not worth the scars or the pain because there are other ways of dealing with the way you feel right now.

As for the suicidal thoughts I want you to know that there is more to life than you're seeing right now. I am assuming it looks pretty daunting and scary to carry on keeping yourself alive because of the way you're feeling but it's not always going to be this way. You won't always have these horrible thoughts and you can become happier again. Try and take this whole experience and view it as a positive, that this is going to change you and make you a stronger person that you were before. I know it's really hard for you right now but you CAN do this and come out through the other side. Try talking to people about everything that is going on for you right now, about the self harm and these suicidal thoughts because having someone there to talk to, just to rant too can be really beneficial. You don't ever have to be alone in this and people do care about you.

I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself my dear.
Jessie