I cant do it.

[Climber]

My parents always say I used to be such a happy kid and wonder what happened to me. I never have the guts to tell them it was their divorce. I feel like such a loser at life honestly. The things I'm good at are the most pointless menial things. Everyone has their one thing they're good at. I guess "the world needs ditch diggers too" and I'm just at the bottom of society, but when you're built up so fucking high by your parents, it seems like torture when you do something wrong. And I do everything wrong. I heard you can't change what your parents put into your head as a child. I thought ignorance is bliss. I'm not good at anything, am an idiot at school, and miserable all the time. It seems the happiest people are the people most successful in life.

I can't even talk to people. Everyone says I care too much what people think, and thats why I have such bad social anxiety, but I dont care, if I do its subconscious and I can't change it. I feel like I'm disabled or something. I wish I could just accept that some people are just lonely, wont have any friends and will always be that way.

I miss my ex girlfriend . I haven't had any friends for a few years now, and she was all I had. Those were literally the best times of my life. Now I have no one. I wish I was normal - I'm so clingy with my family because I have no one else, despite the fact that I hate them.

As much as I keep trying to tell myself it isn't, suicide seems like the only option. I can't keep going through life like this, a failure at everything in life, and if I can't get better, then what choice do I have? Life is about survival of the fittest, and my life is already set. I wish I could be happy being the weakest link, but I'm not.

[SoraKat]

Hey darlin,

just for starters, suicide is NOT an option. dont think that way.

I understand what you mean about the happy thing, everyone needs to find their own place in life, and obviously you dont know yours yet. I want you to make a list of everything you can think of that describes you in a positive sense. they dont have to be big things, like for example "i can tie my shoes" can be one. Just start writing. just keep going. and soon you have a list. Doesnt matter how dumb they are. Hang it up and keep adding things.

and i know you might miss your ex, but someone much brighter and more beautiful will come along really you can do it lovely.

<3 Sora

ps: NEVER give up hope. You will find your way