Female Advice Preferred: Why Am I Thinking And Feeling this Way?

[Lizard974]

Hey there. Im new to this kind of thing, and Im not going to spell out my life right here, but I will just explain what i think needs to be explained and I need help

I guess it just comes down to how I feel like a loser all the time..

I'm 16 and I havent really gone out with anyone and no one has asked me, nor anyone has ever looked my way before. That's sort of changed now but a few months ago it was one of the triggers to me feeling this way. I have felt utterly depressed ever since last year.

I guess because everything with school and everything has gotten me in the dumps. I feel like an outcast because I'm like a ghost at school; no one really notices me ever and I kind of feel like I dont belong there

and last year I joined a chat community and well..
that made things a whole lot worse
I felt like a total loser there and I felt like no one cared

So i left it. and ever since then I have been happier but every once in a while i think back to how everyone is having a great time without me
and I still email a friend on that chat but I have a paranoid sense that he doesnt like talking to me even tho he really does..but i still feel like he would rather go and talk to other people, and thats what I kind of feel with others around me, that they would ratehr talk to someone better and that they talk about me behind my back

its this sense of paranoia that nearly ruined a few friendships of mine and I want it to stop but..I cant help but think that everyone would rather go and be with someone else. and this depression has made me want to end my life a few times. i have attempted but I never go through with it but I dont want to hurt myself (I bite my arm instead but that even hurts after a while and im afraid i'll do something bad to my arm since I bruise it a lot)

and the biggest sense of guilt I have is that I shouldnt be feeling this way. i dont have a bad life and I dont have a bad school life, yet I still feel this way..and I dont understand why

that turned out longer than I had expected, im sorry if I sound whiny at all, i dont want to come across something that I'm not

im sorry v_v; T_T

[Xx.Shes.Unbroken.xX]

I feel the same way with the "well they would rather talk to someone else.." thing. :/ It sucks. But, you could talk to someone close about how you are feeling, like a teacher, mom/dad, brother/sister, friend etc.

And, I'm always here(: Add me if you would like to talk. Sorry, I couldn't give much advice. I'm usually really great at it. lol But, like I said.. just send me a message if you ever need a friend/need to talk.