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Lion Heart Offline
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Name: Caite
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Unhappy A case of the blues - December 26th 2011, 10:32 AM

This is nothing serious, for I have a good life. The only thing I seem to have any major problem with is a light depression that is upon me the majority of the time. It's nothing bad... But it makes me feel sad and hinders my progress for my thoughts turn negative. On rare occasion it makes me feel so bad about my self that suicide comes to mind. And yes, I've had counclers before but I hate having them, since they can never be emotionally attached, but I always am. Anyways, what confuses me so much is why these feelings are still about me. My life has been very nice for a long time now, and I don't understand why I still feel this way. I can see that it could possibly be just a shadow effect of perivious sadness. The reason I'd like this resolved is it interfears with school, for when the depression is not sadness it is apathy, which I feel terribly embarrassed about, a senior in high school with no IB or AP classes has no excuse but to do well. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get rid of this blanket of depression?
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Katrina Offline
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Re: A case of the blues - December 26th 2011, 01:24 PM

Hey there, Ms. Meow.

Firstly, I just want to extend a warm welcome to you. I see that you've only just joined today, and I'm so glad that you have joined! If there's anything we can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. And of course, along the same line of thinking, I hope you find all that you're looking for here. (:

If this depression is something that, as you mentions, hinders your progress and makes you feel upset, then I think it's definitely something worth posting about and processing through. It sounds as though there are certainly good things in your life, but that doesn't mean you can't talk about the things that aren't so great for you right now - I think that's kind of how recovery works...celebrating the small victories and working on things that we haven't quite conquered, you know?

Counselors are a great resource, but there are other resources as well out there for you that don't necessarily involve and intensive one-on-one relationship with a counselor. Have you ever thought about going to a support group, or to group therapy? I know that things can help you work on your interpersonal skills, and they're actually much more prevalent in today's "mental health society" than I'd realized. As far as the counseling relationship does go, though, you mentioned that you have previously struggled with some attachment issues with the counselor. A lot of times, I think this can stem from people shifting the focus from themselves to their counselor. When you're in counseling, you've got to try your best to maintain a SELF-FOCUS (so that you're able to grow and learn from the counseling experience), and even though that does mean accepting help and admitting that something's gotta give, its so, so important to do. It also keeps the attachment issues from becoming too unmanageable, I think.

I think that one of the most upsetting things about depression is that sometimes, there's absolutely no apparent reason for it. And that's just downright frustrating. Have you ever heard of Hyperbole and a Half? Its certainly not a "scholarly resource," but it is a (very cute) depiction of one really great and interesting blogger's run in with depression. There's one blog post in particular I'd like to link you to, Adventures in Depression, that kind of gets at what I'm saying about there sometimes being no clear reason for why we might be depressed.

You mentioned, though, that you think it might be the shadow effect of a previous sadness, and I'm wondering if you might be able to tell us a little bit more about that, and help us understand what you mean there.

One thing I do want to say about senior year in high school is that I certainly think its a time when a lot of students are feeling the apathy just a little bit, or the "senioritis," as it was so lovingly called at my high school. If you feel its getting to a point that you can't control it though, I would really recommend seeing what you can do in terms of talking to your teachers and guidance counselors about different options you have for seeking help with this last semester of school. Sure, there are a lot of students who are taking IB and AP classes, but the classes you take doesn't measure your character; it doesn't measure your work ethic in the classes that you DO take; it doesn't measure how much community service you do; it doesn't measure how many fellow students in need of help that you reach out to. Its important to be well-versed academically, but its also important to be well-versed in life, and I don't think anyone's going to judge you for that - college admissions, or otherwise.

At any rate, Meow, I certainly hope that things work out for you. Please keep me posted on how you're doing. We have a specific forum for Depression and Suicide, and because your thread seems to fit in well with that category, I'm going to go ahead and move it there, where I think you'll be receive more replies.

Peace to you.

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Lion Heart Offline
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Re: A case of the blues - December 28th 2011, 05:51 AM

Well, I have a tendency to 'leave' situations when I am in stressful ones. I stop responding well to the world around me. I freeze like a dear in headlights, on test I do it the most, or when my work is being shown to others. What happens is I pretty much stop thinking. I do terribly in class, my grade is horrible, and it isn't because I don't learn the material as well as anyone else, its just I am too horrified of whatever to focus on the situation at hand. Or maybe its because I believe I will fail that I do. I really have no idea, but failing as terribly as I am is hurting my self esteem and I'd very much like to rid myself of this ridiculous fear and move on with my life.
So I guess when I said my life was great and perfect now it is besides this.
In the past I had issues with abusive boyfriends and my dad liked to make fun of me for sucking at math... and he'd call me stupid. So I guess I'm terrified of failing because I am horrified of being made fun of. Being made fun of sounds like a little thing but for me its not, because of how extensive and degrading it used to be. So in class I freeze up because I'm terrified of people and what they will say to me. In all reality it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy of sorts.
The problem is the fear is so gripping that I don't know how to break it.
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