Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Welcome me, I'm new!
lookuptotheskies's Avatar
Name: Ashley
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 7
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: December 26th 2011

I'm self destructive - December 27th 2011, 12:42 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've felt unhappy from a very young age and often harmed myself, both physically and emotionally. This started when I was 6 years old, I was bullied at the time but wouldn't like to say it's the reason for my destructive behaviour as a part of me knows it's my personality, I think I would have always been this way. After that I just got worse, I go through phases where I barely eat and then I snap out of it and sort of feel on track, but I'm always screaming at myself inside. I've cut myself and constantly tell myself how much of a disgusting person I am.

I was sexually abused between the ages of 12 and 14 by an older boy I knew, we didn't have sex but he used to make me let him touch me and I had to do the same to him. I tried to tell people but nobody believed what I was saying. Since then I've been even less able to controll my behaviour and I'm destroying the relationships I have with people. I had a best friend once and she was the closest to someone who could keep me stable for long periods of time, but we haven't seen each other for a few years now. I don't have a great relationship with my parents and it's just getting worse, I'm finding that I don't even want people around me anymore, at least not many.

The part I have the biggest problem getting my head around is my sexual feelings. I form attachments to people very easily and constantly get hurt because I want to be loved so much and nobody ever sees me in that way. I get pushed away and it makes me want fewer people around me but then there is someone else and it's a constant circle that is slowly shutting me in. I hate myself for it because I know there is something wrong with me. I'm pretty intelligent and I could do well but I focus on one thing and it's all I can think about, then I drop it and start something else. It's like I can never settle down and I know it's because I have noone who loves me for who I am. I need to do new things all the time because it distracts me and gives me hope. I'm not sure if I can ever be loved.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Adele Offline
formally xUnoticedx o.f.c
Welcome me, I'm new!
Adele's Avatar
Name: Adele
Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 49
Join Date: February 2nd 2009

Re: I'm self destructive - December 27th 2011, 02:26 AM

Ashley its so sad you feel this way. You know when I've been down before someone told me, there's always at least one person out there that loves you. I bet you are a beautiful girl, and I can already tell by the way you write you have a smart head on your shoulders. Life is what you make of it. I have similar issues I can relate to you on, I don't have photos and haven't been in at least one for three years and that was when I was forced and I avoid mirrors as much as possible. Although I can relate to you on that level, it's harder to appreciate what you must have gone through with everything else. My best friend was sexually abused as a kid, we both new the guy, and she never told me at the time. I've seen how its effected her and it's devastating but she is getting through. It's not the end for you, you can turn it around. Beauty is skin deep, try to focus on the good points, your a kind person, and caring ect. What helped me after losing my mum was to make a list of everything I wanted to do in my life. People call them bucket lists..
*I was told my mums cancer was hereditary and the odds are more than likely I would get it to. Being a Incurable type it changed my outlook.
By setting goals, especially ones out of your comfort zone it reminds you it's good to be alive. Places you want to go, things you want to see, tattoos, peircings, traveling.
The world will get you down if you let it, try to keep your chin up. Your perfect as you are, you may not see it but someone will and you will get through this. There's always someone out there that cares,

I'm not on here that often so sorry If I take a long time to reply, but if you ever want to message me your welcome too.*

Your everywhere to me &
when i close my eyes its you I see.
When I catch my breath its you I breath.
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.