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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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So Done - December 28th 2011, 04:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I finally decided I'm not gonna let depression run my life.

So why am I posting in the depression and suicide forum?

Because I still need help.

I'm not fine. I'm nowhere near fine.

I still have so much anger and so much emotion and so much hurt inside. I still feel the need to cut and smoke and drink and just sit in my anger and not let anyone in.

I also still have a six foot USB cord and it taunts me everyday.

I have gotten to the point where I wrote a goodbye note. I'm at the point where I don't care how many people I hurt, I just want. to. die.

It's so hard to say I'm going to be happy, when I hate everything about me and I hate everything around me. I hate the people around me and the way they treat me.

I'm sick of being the depressed one, the one you can't talk to because I'm so depressed. I'm sick of being scared, helpless and angry.

I want to change. I really do. I almost lost one of my friends to suicide, twice, because I've been such a jerk. We got so sick of saying to each other don't commit suicide that we made an agreement that if one of us did it, the other one wouldn't be close behind. It's sick and stupid, I know, but it would happen involuntarily. He's my best friend and I'm his.

But see, I don't WANT to commit suicide. I want to DIE, but I don't wanna commit suicide.

I just need help :/ and I need people I can trust to just get me through this. I've started my way uphill... would you guys help me get to the top?

I can't do this by myself.


   
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Re: So Done - December 28th 2011, 02:35 PM

Hey sweetie. I won't say I understand but I will say I can relate. I've felt very similar to this before. First things first. It's honestly scary to make the decision that you won't commit suicide. Suicide could be your out, but it's not a good out or choice. Since you want to live, it's scary. There is no "out". BUT! That doesn't mean you can't relax at times or have fun or take breaks from people or things that cause you to feel stressed or upset.

Now. You say you want to die but not commit suicide. That's normally because you want an ESCAPE, not death. You want happiness, not death.

You say you hate yourself. Why? If it's looks, then do something. Wear makeup more if it makes you feel good. Wear clothes you like and don't laze around in your pajamas (sometimes is fine!). Write post-it notes all over your wall with inspirational quotes from friends, family, and a few from famous quotes. This way it feels more real and meaningful.

If possible, don't be around the people who treat you badly. Nobody deserves to be treated badly. You don't want to die. So don't. Live. It's tough, it's scary, it's hard. But you have your friend and I'm sure you can find some other people for support.

PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm on at least once a day.
   
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Re: So Done - December 28th 2011, 08:11 PM

Nothing I do even matters anymore.

I just don't wanna be me anymore. :/


   
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Re: So Done - December 28th 2011, 09:23 PM

What you do does matter. Otherwise I wouldn't bother to reply. I don't know you nor have we really talked, but you seem like a great girl. I think you need to work on self esteem but otherwise you are awesome. I'm working on self-esteem too =P

Don't give up. Improve yourself if you don't like who you are now. I know it's not easy. But it helps YOU and it makes other people want to be around more and treat you better because they see that YOU think and know you are better than people who poke fun at others, etc.
   
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Re: So Done - December 28th 2011, 11:36 PM

I'm willing to help you through whatever it is you need its nice to see that you realize that this isn't something that will just go away by itself, and that you need to put your foot down and say to yourself "I'm DONE letting this control me, I want to be healthy again!" And that is what your doing. Your unbelievably strong just by telling yourself that. You just need to follow through, which is going to be difficult, but in the end your going to look back and say "All of that just made me stronger" right now your might not see it that way, but one day your going to see it. Sometimes being broken and helpless is just a sign that you've been too strong for too long. Stay strong <3


Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire


   
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Re: So Done - December 29th 2011, 02:53 AM

Suicide just seems easier......


   
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