What The Hell.

[through.these.blue.eyes.]

I don't understand. I'm trying to do everything right, and life is getting better, but my feelings (especially about my self) just keep getting sadder and sadder. I'm always depressed and don't even want to go and hang out anymore. I'm tired, and really want to go on some sort of meds to make this better but my mom won't let me. What the hell is going on with me. I must be a real fuck up.

[Intoxicated Brutality]

Hey sweetie,
It sounds like maybe in the process of trying to do everything right, you're made it pretty hard for you to enjoy the effect of your actions - in other words, things are getting better, but you're so busy trying to make everything perfect, you don't get to experience it.

Perhaps taking a step back and on focusing on you would help some. I know what's it's like, to want things to be perfect (I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like you're a perfectionist as well) but it's ok if every now and then things aren't just so. Things messing up is part of life. It helps us learn and grow as human beings, as individuals.

If your mom won't listen to your request to start on meds, start out smaller. Meds should be used as a later action, in my opinion, if other things aren't working. I'd suggest asking to speak to a counselor about everything for a while first - it's rather surprising how much just talking can help. Even just talking to a school counselor can be beneficial.

If nothing else I've said seems to have a point, let this : you are not a fuck up. Life has ups and downs. Things are going to be rough at times. But just hang on - they do get better. I promise you that.

Feel free to PM/VM/Add me anytime, I'm online a lot and would love to help you however I can. (:
Take care,
Nikki

[through.these.blue.eyes.]

Thank you Nikki. It means a lot.