Crying My Eyes Out

[criscriscris]

Hello everybody... I'm 15 years old and I'm a girl, and atheist. Well, I've been feeling very unhappy and bored with my life for quite a while. I've got SO many problems and issues that I don't even know where to begin, so it's going to be LONG, so please read, because I'm desperate.

1) I'm very insecure and have the lowest self-esteem in the world. I'm really skinny (I've always been like this since I was born, due to the fact that my metabolism is REALLY fast, I weigh 60 pounds), so I'm constantly embarrassed of my body. People think I'm anorexic, which I'm not. I cry every night and eat so much food until I can't even move so that I'll gain weight, but it doesn't seem to work. I'm also very small, 1m 47 cm (TINY). Everyone in my class and friends look great for their age, and have average bodies. People are constantly mistaking me for an 8 year-old. So, boys won't even look at me. No boyfriend, no first kiss.

2) People don't seem to like me. I don't know why, but I'm as friendly as I can and try to help everyone. I don't know, when I talk to my classmates I get this feeling that they think I'm weird and annoying. I have very few friends. I'm kinda shy too.

3) I'm SO different from the people at my school, and don't fit in AT ALL. And I'm not talking about popularity, attractiveness, clothing, etc. I'm talking about hobbies, habits, ways of looking at life, spiritual growth, the important stuff. It's like when in school we have a debate about ANYTHING, I'm like lonely because nobody thinks the way I do. Each one of them is a clone of the other. I feel so lonely because I have no one to talk to about what I think about this and that, share opinions and points of view, etc. I can't find other people like me. I'd be thrilled if there was somebody out there to REALLY talk to.

4) Everything is so BORING. Life is just so simple, at least for me. The same old routine every day, same old place, same old everything. I read fiction books just so that I can escape from this boring world for a while, I play video games and watch movies where magic and all that exist, where life is interesting and beautiful. It makes me so blue and annoyed, because life is so simple and gray. Then comes the pathetic part. I create worlds where everything is so awesome, that I feel so immature and just like a child.

5) I'm so sensitive. I get offended VERY easily, and I hate it. I cry for every single thing, ugh, I'm such a cry baby. I take things personally, and I get in arguments almost every day. Also, everything about life makes me cry: evil in the world, animal abuse, racism, prostitution, poverty, hunger, child abuse, abortion, war, intolerance, etc. Many of you may think I'm a hippie, but let me tell you: I CARE about others.

6) I feel trapped. I just want to leave this house to be an adult, so that I can DO SOMETHING about the things I previously mentioned. I want to change this world but I don't know how, and people don't seem to notice me, or even listen to me. I'm a leader without followers. I feel that I have a purpose in life, but I'm so insecure and impatient.

It feels good to have finally written those things that have been bothering me down. I just hope someone has read it, and will give me advice. Please, I'm begging you. I've tried telling this to my family, but they won't listen, and I feel pathetic for telling people from the Internet whom I don't know.

Please.

[αγάπη]

Okay, I'm gonna try my best here.

First, do you accept yourself? Because that is one of the only ways that you can get people to accept you for who you are. Unless you want to be a clone, which is not a good option. Also, one of the reasons that you think people may not like you, is your low self esteem. Maybe they do, but you just don't notice.
the whole fitting in thing- Don't worry about it. Like i said, you don't want to be a clone of the most popular girl in school, just to have a bunch of shallow girls chasing you around. It'd better to have one friend that would stand by you no matter what, than many that would just leave you stranded by yourself.

It's good that you talk about the important stuff, imo. I am always going to be here to talk you if you need someone. I know people who have been through a lot, and I have been through many things too. Chat is also a good place to check out, if you want to talk to someone.

It's hard to find someone who cares about people these days, it's good that you are. About the arguments though-if you feel that saying something that you want to say might cause an argument, try to bite your tongue. It sounds like these arguments are really affecting you. Maybe instead of fighting, you could try to write what you feel down in a journal of some kind.

I'm sure people listen to you. And I know you said that your family won't listen, but I want you to keep trying. MAKE them hear you. (but in a nice, polite way) Maybe talk to a school counselor about how you feel and how other people seem to treat you? It might help, because there is only so much people can do for you over the internet

Finally, you are not pathetic for coming here. A lot of people that have are having tough times, just like you. You aren't alone. We all came here for a similar reason- we want help. Thats the first step I guess, realizing that there is a problem, and seeking help for it. Like I said, hang in there, and check out chat.
If you want, you can PM me. I'm here for you. <3 and

[Intoxicated Brutality]

Hey sweetheart,
Let me start off by saying, just close your eyes take a deep breath, and try to calm down. Everything is going to be OK. (:
I understand having low self esteem - so I totally relate to what you're feeling (though for the opposite reasons as you - I'm pretty far from skinny heh). I'm sure its extremely hard, having people assume you're anorexic based on your size. And I know its difficult - but just try to ignore the people thinking like that. My guess would be not a single one of them knows you at all - their opinions don't matter. Yours matters. Try to find the beauty in yourself - because its there. Whether you see it or not. Also, its OK if you haven't had a boyfriend yet, or a first kiss. I understand the pressures of high school, to get a boyfriend and all of that - but theres really no rush. Its better to let that happen as it will. That old saying about "letting love find you"? I've learned theres a lot of truth behind it. You'll find someone who loves every single thing about you, good and bad, and you'll be SO much happier than if you were with some everyday douche only after one thing.

Unfortunately, as you get older and meet more people, you start to become more aware of people not liking you for one reason or another. But again, as I said previously, their opinions DON'T matter. If they don't like you, its because they're too ignorant to see how great you are. As hard as things may be right now, people WILL start to realize they're missing out on being friends with a great person. Show them that. Don't let them get you down, and become even better friends with those you already have. Another thing I'd like to add here - being friendly and helping everyone, I've learned, doesn't always mean everyone is your friend. Its an awful thing, but I've begun to realize, at least with me, that people tend to take advantage of those who are kindhearted.

If you feel like you don't fit in, maybe you could try to find some new hobbies and things to do that'll help you meet new people an make some new friends. Things like joining clubs, and participating in afterschool activitives helps a lot. I know this can be scary, but don't let it be! If you try something out and don't like it, you don't have to continue to do it. And also, its OK that you're not like everyone else. You said yourself, the rest of them are like clones. Imagine how boring the world would be if everyone was exactly the same! I understand feeling lonely for the reason you do - but don't fret, everyone here on TH is super friendly and I'm sure you'll make lots and lots of new friends on here that you can talk to. (: You'll probably find a lot of people who like similar things and have similar beliefs too. If you haven't yet - I suggest making a post in the Arrivals and Departures fourm when you're up to it - just post a bit about yourself to introduce you to us all, and you'll start to meet some people. (:

Things are boring at times, which is...boring, I know. But things will stop being boring eventually, you just have to help speed up the process. Try finding new things to do, change up your daily routine, ect, little things can make surprizingly big impacts. Making up worlds and the likes isn't pathetic, I assure you. There are probably a lot more people out there who do the exact same thing then you would think. And hey, its good to have an imagination!

I also understand being sensitive. I'm the same way with that too. I know its rough, wanting to cry about things that you feel like shouldn't bother you. But again, its OK. (: It just shows you care, and you care about a lot more than just yourself. Which tends to have a catch-22, it would seem, as it can affect you in negative ways such as this. You'll be alright though (: And caring about things doesn't make you a hippy, at all. It makes you awesome.

Again, I understand entirely where you're coming from with feeling trapped. I've felt like that for quite some time, and I still get paranoid thinking about the fact I'm almost 18, wondering if I'm really going to be able to get out or if I'm still going to be trapped. The important thing though, is try not to rush growing up too much! Focus on school and making new friends, and just experiencing life in general. Make the best out of things. Changing the world will be a big task, but if you take the right steps I have no doubt in my mind you could do so. It'll take a lot of work and a lot of time, but it's not impossible. You have to start out small, and build the accomplishments up. You won't start out having followers either. You have to earn them over time. Usually the best way to do so, would be to just do what you think is right. Don't do things to get followers, do things because they are the right thing to do.

My advice isn't the best, I'm sure. But I do hope some of this - even if just a small portion - is helpful to you. Also, please, PM/VM/Add me anytime at all. I'd love to talk to you and help you however I can. Just remember, everything will be ok, just keep your chin up. (:

Take care,
Nikki

[criscriscris]

Thank you so much Lorra and Nikki! I'll try to, and thanks for your advice!