what if...

[bayhorse321]

What if I was born normal? What if I didn't have depression... A lot of the time I am continuously asking... Why me? Why was I chosen to suffer? Then I think well I am clearly not the only one. So I ask Why us? I just want the hurt to stop. I wish I could be happy, but like most we just fake our way through. I am on a "break" with my boyfriend (whatever the heck that means). Not a single person cares it seems. I know a few people do but it doesn't feel like it. Sometimes I literally just lay in bed all day staring at the wall or sleeping just to pass the hours and get through the day. I also strongly dislike eating and if I am sleeping I don't have to. I need to get better but at this point I can't. Ive hit a road block and maybe there is no help for me. I sometimes think about What if I did end my life? Honestly I couldn't do that to my mom but sometimes the pain is just unbareable. My horse is wonderful. She keeps me alive but it is hard to hold on sometimes. I try to open up to people just to watch them walk away... that hurts even more. Everytime I try and be honest about what is going on all that happens is people get angry and I am left apoligising and crying. I want to get better but I can't do it on my own. I am just not strong enough. I am the kind of person that freaks out on the inside when she has to go to the doctors and like seriously avoids things like that at all costs. I really do wish to talk to someone though. Wish I was stronger.

[nobody97]

Shana, I feel the same way. Going through this is not easy at all but talking to people you trust will help. Have you talked to your mom, or any close friends of yours about how you're feeling? Maybe even go to the doctor if you feel comfortable enough? I know it may be hard to talk about it or frightening but I asure you, it will help and lead you to getting better. If you ever need someone to talk to please PM me.

-Gabrylle

[bayhorse321]

thankyou dear.