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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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abbiekadabbie Offline
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Question I dont know what to do - January 5th 2012, 02:42 AM

i tried to kill myself and no one knows about it. not even the people i live with. i feel that if i tell anyone they'll label me as crazy and have me put in a hospital. This is the first ive told really anyone about this. i cant go more than a few hours without thinking about it. i just really dont know what to do.
   
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Re: I dont know what to do - January 5th 2012, 02:59 AM

Hey there Abbie,
You are not crazy, so make sure you get that out of your head. You are simply a person who has struggled through more than is bearable, and you couldn't take the pain anymore, so you tried to make it go away. That's rational, logical, completely understandable.
But know that death is not your only option. Killing yourself--it doesn't just end the pain, it ends everything. Hope, possibility, the future -- it's all gone. You will never be able to feel that happiness that you so want to feel, things will never get better, and you will never smile or laugh again. Yeah, you won't cry and you won't hurt, but that's only because you won't be anything but dead. I know it sounds so appealing right now, but trust me, if you hang on a little bit longer and give yourself the chance to feel better, you will be so grateful and so glad that you did.
I've been there--I know what it's like to feel like you're at the end, to feel like there's nothing left and that you just need it all to end. I never tried to kill myself, but I thought about it an awful lot. But I decided to give myself the chance to feel better, because I deserved to be able to happy again, and so do you.
So please, try to get yourself some help. I've been trying to struggle through this on my own for years now, but once I came here and I talked to my school counselor and my cousin, and I started opening up to people, I can't even describe how much better I've felt. I reread things I wrote in my journal three months ago and I feel like I'm reading someone else's journal, I've improved so much.
You are so courageous and brave and strong for posting on here and for asking for help. I know it's terrifying, and I know you're worried about what your parents will think, but I really think you should try talking to them. If you really don't want to (and I can't blame you--I still haven't talked to my parents), then try talking to your guidance counselor at school or a teacher or coach or a friend, someone who can help you out so that you're not all alone with this. I see that you volunteer for the Red Cross (which is so honorable and admirable--you should be so proud of yourself for that! We need more people like you in this world) maybe you can talk to someone there?
The decision is yours to make, though, as I'm sure you know. But please do consider talking to people--they'll surprise you with being much more understanding than you could have ever imagined and they will help you become happy again.
Feel free to PM me if you ever want--I'm always here to talk. Hang in there and stay strong--you're worth it.


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"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


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