So f-ing depressed

[Tigereyes]

I'm tired of trying. I've been depressed for years but until recently, I've always hid my feelings. Now I don't bother except in front of my family. It's too much of a hassle like everything else. Except my two best friends I rarely get to see, no one really cares about my feelings. Everything's gone wrong, everything's changing, and everything is just getting worse. I hate myself and my life. Sometimes I am happy for a day or two but that only winds up leaving me in more pain after experiencing a slight taste of happiness. My urges to self harm had just begun to disappear, but now I think they are back, probably worse than ever. Self harm wasn't even a habit for me, as I had only done so a few times. I don't know what to do. I just feel so lonely and so down. I want to give up.

[Childish Giggle]

Hey there!
I am sorry that you are going through a hard time. Have you talked to a counselor about it?
Don't hate the happy days. I have experienced that looking forward to them is very helpful in going on without giving up. It is good that you are expressing your feelings at least in front of your family. Keeping them inside is not a healthy habit at all. It is important to let them out or they'll end up hurting you. Have you tried writing them down? It can be very helpful.
The hard times will be over soon. Don't give up. You deserve better than this and you will definitely get it one day. Hold on till then. Look forward to the little things that make you smile. I know they are not much but its something to live for.
If you ever feel like talking, feel free to VM/PM me. Stay strong <3