Triggering (Suicide): No one cares...

[Lizard974]

EDIT: Im sorry the title sounds so whiny!! Dx

I know I posted a thread before, and I know that I said I would leave...but I don't know, just thought I could give it a shot and see one last time if someone actually cares out there...and if this makes people upset or mad or anything, I'm sorry, i don't mean to come across as selfish, rude or anything like that v_v;

ahh, where to start...

Well...for my entire life, I have always tried to be as good a person as I can, but without being a goody two shoes at the same time...
But no matter how good you are to others or how much you do for them, its not enough, or no one cares or no one notices...

For as long as I can remember, I have been bullied at school; from elementary to middle school, the kids wouldn't leave me alone...then when I got to high school, the bullying stopped and I got along with my class as good as I can... and I have tried to put the past behind me and move on...

But ever since last year, things have gone downhill with my self esteem. (I won't say the reasons why unless I am asked)

My biggest problem is fitting in at school and with my friends. To be honest, I thought high school was going to be a piece of cake since the bullying stopped, but its only gotten worse.
Every day, I am overlooked and I feel invisible; no one comes to me first for help or anything, hardly anyone knows or cares I exist, sometimes the teachers forget I'm there, and I am never included in conversations...even if I try to fit in.

And with my friends and classmates, my main problem is not only the guilt I hold from everything I do, but that I am afraid that they hate me, and take me for granted and would rather talk to other people than me...

I'll give you an example; one of my closest friends and I walk together from school to home on a certain day, and we talk and have fun. Well, and I am not totally mad at her because she has had some problems herself, but when she met her boyfriend, she started to bring him along, and would basically only talk to him. and then she would bring her school friends (one of them being MY friend first) and talk to them, and not even notice I was there...until the other friend waited up for me...plus, she got a ride from anyone sometimes and would tell me either too late or almost every week for a month...that kind of made me feel bad.

Plus when others talk about how awesome their friends are, and when they show to have more fun with their other friends than me, I feel jealous...and I'm worried that I am doing something wrong, or that I am going to lose them because of who I am...

One of my closest friends keeps telling me that he likes me (apparently a whole lot) and I trust him...but I can't get the worry out of my head that someone else will come along and take him away because they are better than me...and that goes for ALL my friends...and I apologize if I mention something similar to the problem, and I apologize over the top, and then I feel worse after...and I am having trouble trusting them...because I don't want to get hurt again

I don't know anymore...I haven't SH-ed in months, but I keep thinking about what it would be like if they didn't have me to think about (even if it is for a brief moment)...

I know that my problems aren't as important or serious as some others...and I realize I must sound like a whiny jerk, especially for putting up another post...

But I don't know what to do with all this guilt and paranoia and fear....and find that no one cares....

I'm sorry v_v; please forgive me

[minniemouseprincess]

Im sorry hun=( Let me start of by saying something that I tell many people. Every second, every moment of your life, there is always going to be someone who cares. Even if you don't realise it. You are never totally alone dude. You are loved by someone always. Secondly, I understand some of what you feel. I can relate to it because I also am somewhat of an outcast at school and have been for a while. I DO have a good friend at school, I feel kinda out of place with everyone else. Nobody asks me to be their partner, nobody wants me on their team for sports, nobody comes to sit with me if im alone, that sort of stuff. So I know how that is and I know how painful it can be. I also know how it feels to be afraid that people talk about you after you pass them in the hallways or when they see you alone. It SUCKS to feel that way but most likely, its not true. I bet people do see how nice you are and like that about you. They just don't vocalize that they do. Don't worry about fitting in though. The most important thing is to be yourself. Don't change for others. Just be your same sweet self. And if making friends is the problem AT school, maybe you could try some outside activities. But I REALLY don't think people hate you. You have given them no reason to. How long have you been in high school for? If this is only your first year, things could change. Anyways, try not to worry. Things WILL get better. And if you ever want to talk, I am here=)

[ANBUxAssassin]

I was bullied in elm by kid as well as my own older brother but when i was in elm i had 2 kids who tied me to a tree with a jump rope (To this day i still hate jump ropes) and left me there but i was picked and friends i made in elm my older brother has taken them from me even my first nickname that i was given that hurt me so bad i wanted to kill my self and i was 7 or 8 at the time but i did not want to deal with it so when i was in my read/speech class i told my teacher when i go home im going to kill my self and when class was over i was called in to the office and waited i did not know what was going on till my mom and the cops showed up but i was place in a place for the mentally during my time there my mom did not come and visit me once until she came to take me home but i lost my one friend i had and my mom took me and my bro and sis to another town when i finished 3rd grade i changed elm schools again and dealt with my older bro picking on me again then i stood up to him and i was never pick on in elm then when i started middle school i was not able to make any friend and i had people who wanted to kill me(outside of school across the street) but in middle school the principal told all the students if any one pick on me they will have iss or detention so i was never able to make friend there then i change town again a middle schools and i never wanted to make friends and i have lost it because my mom told the school never to put me and my older brother in the same class and they did and i snapped again and kicked out of middle school and went to a middle school for troubled kids to finish middle school then i started back up in the high school avoid everyone and once in awhile i had ideas to kill myself again no one knew of it and i when people started to sit at the table i had taken for my self i moved till i was no longer able to and when i was no longer able to i meet my best friend who to me is my brother and i started to make friend and a year later i found out from a classmate of mine that people were thinking i was going to shoot up the school and i learn something just 1 friend is all any one ever need and even if i lose they friends i have i still have one and that is my God Jesus Christ if you ever need a friend to talk to i will be your friend just send me messages and i will reply to them I play on the xbox and i found cool friends so you can try playing online games to make friends to.

[Lizard974]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

Im sorry hun=( Let me start of by saying something that I tell many people. Every second, every moment of your life, there is always going to be someone who cares. Even if you don't realise it. You are never totally alone dude. You are loved by someone always. Secondly, I understand some of what you feel. I can relate to it because I also am somewhat of an outcast at school and have been for a while. I DO have a good friend at school, I feel kinda out of place with everyone else. Nobody asks me to be their partner, nobody wants me on their team for sports, nobody comes to sit with me if im alone, that sort of stuff. So I know how that is and I know how painful it can be. I also know how it feels to be afraid that people talk about you after you pass them in the hallways or when they see you alone. It SUCKS to feel that way but most likely, its not true. I bet people do see how nice you are and like that about you. They just don't vocalize that they do. Don't worry about fitting in though. The most important thing is to be yourself. Don't change for others. Just be your same sweet self. And if making friends is the problem AT school, maybe you could try some outside activities. But I REALLY don't think people hate you. You have given them no reason to. How long have you been in high school for? If this is only your first year, things could change. Anyways, try not to worry. Things WILL get better. And if you ever want to talk, I am here=)

Thank you...but I don't know what to do...my trusting issues are bad and I would like to believe that people like me..but that's not what it seems to be...

I am in my junior year currently. and thank you

[Lizard974]

Originally Posted by ANBUxAssassin

I was bullied in elm by kid as well as my own older brother but when i was in elm i had 2 kids who tied me to a tree with a jump rope (To this day i still hate jump ropes) and left me there but i was picked and friends i made in elm my older brother has taken them from me even my first nickname that i was given that hurt me so bad i wanted to kill my self and i was 7 or 8 at the time but i did not want to deal with it so when i was in my read/speech class i told my teacher when i go home im going to kill my self and when class was over i was called in to the office and waited i did not know what was going on till my mom and the cops showed up but i was place in a place for the mentally during my time there my mom did not come and visit me once until she came to take me home but i lost my one friend i had and my mom took me and my bro and sis to another town when i finished 3rd grade i changed elm schools again and dealt with my older bro picking on me again then i stood up to him and i was never pick on in elm then when i started middle school i was not able to make any friend and i had people who wanted to kill me(outside of school across the street) but in middle school the principal told all the students if any one pick on me they will have iss or detention so i was never able to make friend there then i change town again a middle schools and i never wanted to make friends and i have lost it because my mom told the school never to put me and my older brother in the same class and they did and i snapped again and kicked out of middle school and went to a middle school for troubled kids to finish middle school then i started back up in the high school avoid everyone and once in awhile i had ideas to kill myself again no one knew of it and i when people started to sit at the table i had taken for my self i moved till i was no longer able to and when i was no longer able to i meet my best friend who to me is my brother and i started to make friend and a year later i found out from a classmate of mine that people were thinking i was going to shoot up the school and i learn something just 1 friend is all any one ever need and even if i lose they friends i have i still have one and that is my God Jesus Christ if you ever need a friend to talk to i will be your friend just send me messages and i will reply to them I play on the xbox and i found cool friends so you can try playing online games to make friends to.

I'm sorry that happened to you...

and No, I find that people on the internet are not very trustworthy or help; one of the bad experiences I mentioned at the top was being on a chat site and I felt worse then

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Lizard974

Thank you...but I don't know what to do...my trusting issues are bad and I would like to believe that people like me..but that's not what it seems to be...

I am in my junior year currently. and thank you

Im sorry=( Maybe your trusting will get better with time. I really bet that people like you though. I don't often think people like me ether just because nobody seem to notice me but i've been told by the friends I do have that people say nice things about me all the time. Maybe the same for you=)

[Lizard974]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

Im sorry=( Maybe your trusting will get better with time. I really bet that people like you though. I don't often think people like me ether just because nobody seem to notice me but i've been told by the friends I do have that people say nice things about me all the time. Maybe the same for you=)

Maybe...I have gotten worst with trust lately but hopefully it'll get better v_v;

Thank you..

[George^^]

Okay, I don't know you that well, but I care. I care because I know what it's like. (Before this year, this is what high school was like in my mind: High school = The years where everything start going right!)

^^ Be confadent, Talk up, be your beautiful self, and remember that people DO care, even if they don't seem like they do. If there is anything a person isn't good at, it's sharing their feelings and noticing the way other people feel (Not everyone can notice "HEY! we should pay attention to (you)" because they just assume your alright.) Don't feel pessimistic about that guy friend, he seems (from the little you said) awesome. -Don't forget, you have a voice, use it!

I care <3

[George^^]

Okay, I don't know you that well, but I care. I care because I know what it's like. (Before this year, this is what high school was like in my mind: High school = The years where everything start going right!)

^^ Be confadent, Talk up, be your beautiful self, and remember that people DO care, even if they don't seem like they do. If there is anything a person isn't good at, it's sharing their feelings and noticing the way other people feel (Not everyone can notice "HEY! we should pay attention to (you)" because they just assume your alright.) Don't feel pessimistic about that guy friend, he seems (from the little you said) awesome. -Don't forget, you have a voice, use it!

I care <3

[Lizard974]

Originally Posted by George^^

Okay, I don't know you that well, but I care. I care because I know what it's like. (Before this year, this is what high school was like in my mind: High school = The years where everything start going right!)

^^ Be confadent, Talk up, be your beautiful self, and remember that people DO care, even if they don't seem like they do. If there is anything a person isn't good at, it's sharing their feelings and noticing the way other people feel (Not everyone can notice "HEY! we should pay attention to (you)" because they just assume your alright.) Don't feel pessimistic about that guy friend, he seems (from the little you said) awesome. -Don't forget, you have a voice, use it!

I care <3

Thank you

I'm trying, and thank you again <3

and I'm sorry guys that the title is so whiny Dx

[George^^]

^^' Sorry, didn't know it double posted. The title isn't that whiny, I mean, it feels like no one cares, then that's the right title.

(Forgot this, PM me anytime, I don't judge, and like talking

[Lizard974]

Originally Posted by George^^

^^' Sorry, didn't know it double posted. The title isn't that whiny, I mean, it feels like no one cares, then that's the right title.

(Forgot this, PM me anytime, I don't judge, and like talking

Thats okay and okay


(okay )

[DiamondsandDiazepam]

Hey

I completely understand where you're coming from! I've been bullied my entire life and I've had family problems too. When I'm with friends I never get spoken to and no one actually holds a decent conversation with me. So, when I am at college I just sit there looking straight up dumb -.-

The thing about your friend bringing her boyfriend along on your walks home - I know where you're coming from. That's happened to me and it's always awkward. Three's a crowd anyway (unless there's LOADS of other people that you can speak to). I end up walking ahead and then before I know it I'm on my own haha ><

I'm always here if you wanna chat though, okay?

Love, love