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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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A Broken Heart - January 27th 2012, 10:21 AM

I thought that I was cold or numb enough and could live without anyone else. I don't want to live longer than my parents do, but I think that it would be much much better if I were just dead. I thought that I would not feel any hurt any more because my heart was dead, but I was wrong. My so-called friends are forgetting about me. Am I important? No. Do they care about me? No. Do they feel like I am sick and killing all the fun? Yes. Am I boring and worthless to them? Yes. Would they notice that if I was gone? Definitely NO. My parents are getting divorced. I haven't been able to eat or sleep well. Basically I just spend most of my time in my room. It's good that I am having a school holiday because I don't have energy or motivation for school. The other day I got asked how I was doing. I was like "I am feeling so GREAT that you guys have finally decided to get divorced after all these years of struggling and that I just want to go back to my room and hang myself." Mom was like "Is it a threat?". I said, "No, it isn't. It's a joke. My whole life is a joke, but there is no need to worry because everything will be okay tomorrow as you always say, right, mom?!..." The truth is that I did want to hang myself that night, but it is on my mind on the daily basis.


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson
   
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Re: A Broken Heart - January 27th 2012, 03:28 PM

Hey Kristen,

I'm sorry you've been going through all this and feeling this way. There is hope though, you can get through this. When you start having those thoughts/feelings try to distract yourself. Watch something funny on TV, draw, exercise, just something to focus on other then those nasty thoughts/feelings. Hang in there you can/will get through it.
   
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Re: A Broken Heart - January 27th 2012, 05:20 PM

You know, your parents love you very much and would miss when you are gone. People don't know what they have and how important it is until they lose it. But that doesn't mean to go ahead and give them that advantage. And I'm sorry your parents are getting a divorce. It really sucks. But have you ever thought that it might work out for the better? Maybe at some point you will be fighting with one parent, but then you have the other parents house to go to. I understand that no matter what the ups are its still going to hurt not having your parents together. But let me tell you, your life isn't a joke. that's for sure.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'm always here. for anyone. <3
Take care, Sweetie, and stay safe. (:





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Re: A Broken Heart - January 28th 2012, 08:49 AM

Why is everyone leaving me behind? I have lost the most valuable things. I have tried not to care or remember, but I can't. What could make me feel hopeful?


It is not length of life, but depth of life.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson
   
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Re: A Broken Heart - January 29th 2012, 05:25 AM

It sounds like to me, that your so-called friends are quite immature and aren't recognizing the emotional impact on you that their behavior is causing, whether willfully or because they simply lack the ability to comprehend this; regardless there is no good excuse. And indeed messy divorces often tend to cause great trauma to the children involved, as essentially what ends up happening is each one is trying to persuade you to demonize the other, as if it isn't bad enough finding out in the first place that your parents no longer love each other. So to feel a lot of sadness and emotions as a result of all this, it is just being human.

A few years ago I felt in a very similar way to the way you do now. I was bullied a lot, had few friends to turn to, and additionally betrayed by the people that I trusted who were supposed to protect me. In addition, just last summer it happened again where the people I trusted, the colleagues I worked with for over two years, conspired against me in my former place of work to kill off my job. And the feelings from the past had briefly relapsed, I felt isolated, alone, betrayed.

Now once again I was able to pick my self up though, I found better work, have my own house, great friends and great neighbors, new valuable things. In time things will start improving for you too; maybe not right away, but it is inevitable. If you need someone to talk to, I am here.
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Re: A Broken Heart - January 29th 2012, 05:38 AM

I agree with the posters above me on the divorce and your friends. Divorce is always a hard thing, but like what Krista said, I think it may turn out to be better not only for your parents, but also for you. It would be much less stressful and I think you guys would be happier. It just doesn't seem that way now because its a new thing. You've never known a life like this before now. Your friends, they aren't friends. Lets face it, friends don't treat each other like that. Friends love eachother, they are always there for you, they protect you, they make you happy. Friends don't ignore you, they don't think you are boring, and they don't not care about you. If thats how you are being treated by them, then its time to drop them. You deserve better and I KNOW there's better for you out there. These people aren't worth your time. I think you should also go to a conceler or something about your suicidal thoughts. PLEASE do not kill yourself. There is ALWAYS going to be someone that cares about you in your lifetime. Every moment of everyday, there's someone. Even if you don't know who. Your parents love you as well. They would be devastated if you died. No they wouldn't forget, no they wouldn't recover. Anyone who's ever lost a friend or child never recovers from such a loss. One of my friends lost her best friend about 3 years ago and its messed her up. Your parents would be heartbroken for the rest of their life.


   
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