Can't Handle It

[Funandnice]

I hate my life. I'm tired of it. My parents don't care about me, I have no real friends, and I am just tired of it. I'm not trying to get attention or anything like that. Throughout my life i have been dealing with a lot of bad situations and lately i've been getting a lot of suicidal thoughts... My dreams are about killing myself, and then being able to see the world filled with the ones i love: everyone just acts perfectly happy/normal after i jump off the bridge or hang myself or take an overdose.
I don't cut, not yet anyway. I feel like I dont have a purpose in life... there is nothing that i will ever amount up to. Sometimes i just want to get that kitchen knife or jump out of my building...
I just dont know what to do.. I need your help... please help me. I know i am a bad person for asking so much of you, but i can't stay this way.. i can't keep wanting to die because not only is it unfair to the deceased that want to live, but i want to feel happy. I grow up and live happiness.. I need you, please. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me, i can't do this myself anymore... i'm sorry...
Maybe I deserve to die.
I'm sorry.

[minniemouseprincess]

I'm very sorry to hear all this=( Asking for help though, its not too much to ask. I'm glad you came here. I do want to start off by saying, its WONDERFUL that you aren't SHing and that you DO want to keep on going. You DO want to get better. Many people in your state do not feel that way and it takes them a long time to feel that way. So its great that you already do. Sweetheart, you are so young though, SO young. You haven't even begun to live yet. I bet by the time you are my age, things will be better. It just takes time, sometimes a lot of time. My advice to you though is to tell someone. Anyone that can help. If you feel like mom and dad don't care, go to your school counceler. She/he will be able to get you the help you need so you aren't having suicidal thoughts or dreams anymore. Once you're not having them anymore, things will improve and you'll be happier. I am here if you ever need to talk=) Stay strong sweetie.

[Funandnice]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

I'm very sorry to hear all this=( Asking for help though, its not too much to ask. I'm glad you came here. I do want to start off by saying, its WONDERFUL that you aren't SHing and that you DO want to keep on going. You DO want to get better. Many people in your state do not feel that way and it takes them a long time to feel that way. So its great that you already do. Sweetheart, you are so young though, SO young. You haven't even begun to live yet. I bet by the time you are my age, things will be better. It just takes time, sometimes a lot of time. My advice to you though is to tell someone. Anyone that can help. If you feel like mom and dad don't care, go to your school counceler. She/he will be able to get you the help you need so you aren't having suicidal thoughts or dreams anymore. Once you're not having them anymore, things will improve and you'll be happier. I am here if you ever need to talk=) Stay strong sweetie.

I would go to a school counselor, if our school had one. I feel like there is no one I can truly talk to. No one understands me, and I hate it.

[minniemouseprincess]

Okay well...I guess I would TRY to tell your parents to get you some counceling elsewhere. I know you said you feel like they don't care. But just try to tell them you want to see a therapist.

[Funandnice]

They don't care. If they did, I would've received counseling when the police called.
I have no one to talk to. I talked to a friend, but after a while, she said I was doing this to get attention and now she is ignoring me.

[minniemouseprincess]

Your parents can get in trouble for not getting you help, its child neglect. The only other idea I have is ether calling the police again OR going to one of your teachers at school and telling them about your situation. They HAVE to do something about it.

[Funandnice]

I didn't call the police the first time, my friend did. I also don't want to tell my teachers because...well... I'm scared of getting my parents involved. It's not like they abuse me or anything, it's just scary...

[Funandnice]

Who am I kidding? There is no hope for me. I should just kill myself. Even if there was any help available, I don't deserve it. Death is my only option

[minniemouseprincess]

Babe, no you don't. You don't deserve to die. And at this point, you DO need to tell someone. If you seriously feel like killing yourself, you HAVE to call 911. You can't go on like this dude. Its not healthy. You need to get yourself some help, even if you're scared. If you are still feeling terrible like this tomorrow, I want you to go to one of your teachers. I understand you don't want your parents involved. Maybe it won't come to that, but even if it does, what matters right now is YOU getting the help you need. And right now, you aren't getting that. Something HAS to be done.

[Funandnice]

What do you want me to do? Go to my Spanish teacher and say, "Hey, I want to commit suicide..."?

[minniemouseprincess]

Not really like that. Just pull him aside if thats the teacher you want to tell and say "I need help, can you help me?" Start there.

[Funandnice]

Something tells me that if I say that, she'll think I'm talking about help in Spanish.

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Funandnice

Something tells me that if I say that, she'll think I'm talking about help in Spanish.

You don't just leave it at that though. You have to add onto it from there. Say that you have been feeling depressed and that you don't feel like you can get any help for it" and then explain the situation.

[Funandnice]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

You don't just leave it at that though. You have to add onto it from there. Say that you have been feeling depressed and that you don't feel like you can get any help for it" and then explain the situation.

I'll take that into consideration...

[Funandnice]

Also, thank you for your help. It means a lot to me. Seems like your the only person that doesn't hate me.

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Funandnice

I'll take that into consideration...

Please do. And you're welcome. I have no reason to hate you babe. And also, I don't hate many people lol.

[Funandnice]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

Please do. And you're welcome. I have no reason to hate you babe. And also, I don't hate many people lol.

But a lot of people hate me...

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Funandnice

But a lot of people hate me...

They shouldn't.

[Funandnice]

If we have never met, how can you honestly say that? They all hate me. I receive hate comments daily. Why wouldn't they hate me? I am ME after all...

[minniemouseprincess]

I can honestly say it because from what i've seen, there's nothing TO hate. Until I see something, im gonna stand by that. And chances are, I won't see anything in you that I hate. The people that hate you are stupid. They don't know what they are talking about and you shouldn't listen to them. My mom always said, "Don't lose sleep over someone because they probably aren't losing sleep over you."

[Funandnice]

Well, I hate myself too. They have the right to hate me. =(

[minniemouseprincess]

You shouldn't though. Anyways, I know you're still upset. Maybe you should go to bed a bit early tonight?

[Funandnice]

Go to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier due to my nightmares... I'd rather not. Plus, I have homework to do. and I'm always upset. Upset with my life...

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Funandnice

Go to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier due to my nightmares... I'd rather not. Plus, I have homework to do. and I'm always upset. Upset with my life...

Just thought it would help...Maybe your homework would help to distract you.

[Funandnice]

I wish it did. It just gives me a chance to think more about how I'm a failure and how I don't deserve to live.

[minniemouseprincess]

Maybe this time it will. Don't know until you try. You also have to let it. You have to try and not focus on what you think of yourself but on what you are doing at that moment.

[Funandnice]

I hate myself.... I deserve to die.

[minniemouseprincess]

You didn't talk to your teacher did you?

[Funandnice]

Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess

You didn't talk to your teacher did you?

No, sorry... I was thinking about it, but... I was too scared that she would get my parents involved =(

[minniemouseprincess]

You have to just be brave and do it. If you don't, you're not gonna get the help you need. Here, this is my only other suggestion. I can suggest a lot of stuff dude, but its up to you to do something about it. Its up to you to change your situation. I can only do so much. You're the one with all the power.

Here's a link to some suicide hotlines and stuff. These are people who take anyone's calls from around the world at any given time and help them with their problems over the phone. Most of the numbers are down under "more resources"

http://teenlineonline.org/talk-now/

[Funandnice]

I'll try... I'm sorry =(

[minniemouseprincess]

Its alright. I just want you to do better and I don't know what else to suggest.

[Unfortunate]

I've read your posts. I don't hate you. im sorry you feel suicide is the only option. It really isnt. Like Julia was saying you should really talk to your teacher he or she could help. if your parents get involved its ok. They can help. You deserve to live, everyone deserves to live. If you want to get better only you can do that. We can help you get there but only you can fully get there. I know this is all scary but whats scarier is you wanting to end your life, the only one you are given. Please talk to someone about this. <3
Hope this helped in some way.

[Funandnice]

Originally Posted by Unfortunate

I've read your posts. I don't hate you. im sorry you feel suicide is the only option. It really isnt. Like Julia was saying you should really talk to your teacher he or she could help. if your parents get involved its ok. They can help. You deserve to live, everyone deserves to live. If you want to get better only you can do that. We can help you get there but only you can fully get there. I know this is all scary but whats scarier is you wanting to end your life, the only one you are given. Please talk to someone about this. <3
Hope this helped in some way.

Why is that scary? What is so scary about dying?

[Unfortunate]

Because life is so precious and you should live it not suffer and end it. Why don't you talk to a teacher?

[Funandnice]

If you read #29 you can see why I didn't talk to a teacher. So, death may be precious as well.

[minniemouseprincess]

Originally Posted by Funandnice

Why is that scary? What is so scary about dying?

Its scary because when you end your life, thats it. You don't get it back ever. You can't try again. In life, you are given a TON of second chances. Your whole life is a big 2nd chance. But death, no. The chances have run out when you end your life. You can't improve anything. What about your future? Everyone has a future. If you are gone, you will never learn how to drive. You'll never get out of high school. You could never get married of have kids. You could never get to be the person you want to be someday. You wouldnt get any of that, but everyone else in your life would. You have the chance to do that right now. So why discard it? In another few years, I promise, things won't be the way they are now. And you know what, what if your purpose in life was to change someone elses? What if you weren't around for that someone? Then what? You need to be here dude. There's a reason why you are.

[Funandnice]

I'm sorry =(

[minniemouseprincess]

Its alright. I just want you to know that and think about that.

[Unfortunate]

Death is not precious. It ends anything in the future. What if you are gonna be famous or a millionaire? You'll never see that if you die. Or if you killed yourself, what if the best thing in your life happened the very next day. You'd never see it, would you? Just think about all the things that could happen if you just hold on to life.