Triggering (ED): I'm scared

[kitkat97]

This is the first time I've ever opened up to anyone.
And it's crazy because I don't know any of you, but here I am, pouring my heart and soul onto this post. I don't really know what to say.
I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm lost. And I'm scared.
I'm scared of what I might do. It's been a year since I last cut, and the scars are still here. They refuse to go away :/ I don't want to start cutting again, but over the last couple of weeks I've had a huge urge to pick up a sharp edge and drag it along my skin. I've lost [X] in 3 months, and I want to stop losing weight but at the same time I want the numbers on the weight scale to drop lower and lower. I want to stop, I really do. I want to be happy and healthy like I used to be, but I feel so chained up. And the worst part is seeing the confusion and worry in my parents' eyes. They know there's something going on with me, but I just hide it with a smile and don't tell them what's wrong because I don't want them to worry.
What should I do? Who do I talk to? I need help I feel like I'm going to go insane. I'm so hopeless, I just want to disappear all the time. Please, someone answer me ):

[Funandnice]

Hey, please don't cut yourself. I would suggest to tell your parents the truth or speak to a counselor but I know that can be really hard.
Send me a private message if you want to and we can talk. I really don't know what to say other than you can talk to me.
I know how hard it is to open up to strangers, but you are really brave. If you just need someone to talk to, I'm here.

[Palmolive]

Hi there. Firstly i want to tell you how great it is that you've made this thread and have come to us for some support and advice. Self harm is admittedly hard to overcome but you my friend are beating it. You're a year self harm free and that's really amazing. You should be really proud of yourself because you've come really far. You're still in recovery and it's expected for you still to struggle at times, especially when you're feeling low. Have you looked at the list of alternatives? If you haven't it might be a home idea for you to do so. Not everything will you help you so it's all about trial and error. Don't give up when you come across something that doesn't help you. Keep on tryini new things. Keeping your mind focused can really help up beat the urges. What is it that you get from self harm? Why do you do it? I know it can feel like it helps in the moment but in reality it isn't going to help you but it could make things alot worse. You don't deserve the pain. So keep on fighting the battle. You can beat the urges. If you want to talk to us about any triggers ect then you're more than welcome to do so. It's really positive that past of you wants to be healthy. That's something to hold on too. You say that even though past of you wants to stop losing weight but that past of you wants to carry on losing weight. What do you think you're going to get out of gaining weight and losing weight? I don't know what your diet is like but if you don't have a healthy balanced diet it can also affect your mood. I hope that this helps a little. Keep on fighting. I know things are hard for you right now but they can and they will get better. Keep yourself safe. Jessie.

[minniemouseprincess]

You are doing SO wonderful by not cutting for an entire year! Thats amazing! Keep it up dude, try as hard as you can to keep it up. You will be able to stop=) I have a lot of faith in you. It sounds like things have been rough for you though=( I think you should def. talk to somebody. Talk to friends (be careful though with this. Only tell friends you know you can trust), talk to parents, talk to the school councelor or another therapist. All these people (the councelers in peticular) will be able to get you the help you need. That way, you will feel a lot better and prob recover easier from what you've been going through. Don't lose hope, we are all here for you. PM me if you ever want to talk=)

[kitkat kati]

i know how it feels kitkat. to stop cutting and want so badly to go back to it. i used to have the same problem... but for me... i gave into my urges. dont let yourself give into it... if you do.. you'll probably feel even worse. cutting is like an addiction in my eyes. once you start you continue... once you stop you want to do it again. use the scars as motivation. you want those ones to go away? well think about it. if you start doing it again, there will just be even more. if you want those scars to go away, do you really want to add more to it?
i know what its like to keep losing weight. i know how it feels to want to stop but also wanting the numbers to constantly drop. im the exact same way. my weight keeps varying. im 5 ft 2 and at a healthy weight but i hate the way my body looks. i force myself to stop eating a lot of the time and my weight drops quite a bit. im at 117 now.... but within 2 maybe 3 weeks of starving myself i'd be at 95-100. you need to keep your weight up, no matter how much you want the numbers to drop. i know its hard, but you need to do it. its very dangerous to let your weight drop so much. i know, im being a bit of a hypocrite by saying all of this, but its true. im trying to stop starving myself and im trying to stop my cutting habits. if you need to talk to someone.... about ANYTHING. im here for ya. even if its just so you can vent. if you need to talk to just one person about something, im here. always will be.