Triggering (Suicide): I'm ready to die

[13reasonswhy]

I'm ready to die. What's the point of being happy? What's so great about it? The only time I feel alive, is when I'm cutting, watching my own blood drip down my arm. So what's the point of this life? I can't handle it anymore. I'm going to write the note when I finish typing this. Last time, I showed it to my counselor. But I don't know if I will this time. I just can't do it anymore. I'm done

[Amberpamber]

Cassidy hun, suicide is not the answer. I know life can get hard at times, very hard but trust me things can and will get better. Think about all those that will be hurt if you do this, think about all the chances later in life you'd miss out on. If you need anyone to talk to about what's going on plz feel free to pm me I'll be more then happy to talk. <3

[13reasonswhy]

Originally Posted by Amberpamber

Cassidy hun, suicide is not the answer. I know life can get hard at times, very hard but trust me things can and will get better. Think about all those that will be hurt if you do this, think about all the chances later in life you'd miss out on. If you need anyone to talk to about what's going on plz feel free to pm me I'll be more then happy to talk. <3

The only person I believe that would be hurt by this is my counselor, and in the note, she will get the longest goodbye about how much I love her and how its not her fault. Shes done more than enough to help me. Other than her, no one else really cares

[MusicIsEverything]

Hey, Cassidy. I'm so, so sorry you're feeling this way. I feel suicidal a lot too, actually I was just thinking today about how I might OD on something... But please, please just DON'T DO IT. You are worth so much more than that. I know how bad it feels. I'm stick in that very same horrible place as you are right now. But it's not worth dying for! You deserve to live! You owe it to yourself. Would you kill your best friend? No, that's a terrible thing to do. So why do it to yourself? I know it doesn't seem like it, but you will be happy again. There is a future. Maybe ten years from now you are supposed to save somebody's life. What will happen to that person if you ended your life too soon? If you go, there's going to be a gaping hole in the world where you are meant to be! I guess it depends on what you believe, but it makes sense to me. And it's just not worth dying! What about all the people you leave behind? And the person who finds you??? You would really be leaving them scarred. Nobody wants someone they love to die, especially not that way. And so soon. And really, you are not ending the pain. You are simply passing it on to them. I feel kind of hypocritical, saying all this, but these are the things people have told me that might just save me. And I'm trying to save you. <3 And what if you don't actually die? What if you screwed it up? Your life would be so mich worse. Just please don't kill yourself. You are worth more than that. You deserve to live! And someday you will be happy again. Really, really happy. Things will get so much better in life. Do you really want to miss that? Live.

[MusicIsEverything]

You have no idea how much people would miss you. Think about people you know, even if you don't know them that well. And how you would feel if you heard that they killed themselves. For me, that would be like being slammed into a brick wall. And all the other people who you are close to, the people who care about you more than you know... They would miss you. So much. And do you really want to put you counselor through that? Don't do it, it just isn't worth it!

[MusicIsEverything]

Please PM me if you want to talk.

[Victoria ♥]

Hey Cassidy,

I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling. I just wanted to quickly reply to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way. There's lots of people both on and off TeenHelp that will be here to support you with how you're feeling at the moment, me being one of them.

You said you have a counsellor, which is great, and i'm wondering whether he/she knows whether you're feeling this way again at the moment? What happened last time you shared with your counsellor how you were feeling? Do you think you could try talking to them again?

I do want to try to help you Cassidy, but you haven't said much about what's going on at the moment that's left you feeling this way. Do you know what it is that's causing you to feel this unhappy? Maybe if you tried talking about/writing down how you feel it would help things. I'm sorry for all the questions.

Something that might be worth thinking about is calling a helpline. And there's always HelpLINK and livehelp here on TeenHelp. Or maybe at the moment it would be a good idea for you to try doing something to cheer yourself up or take your mind off things. Maybe watching TV/going into the chat room/reading/painting your nails would help. Even though TeenHelps alternatives thread is aimed more towards distracting yourself when you get the urge to self harm, you could always take a look at the list and see if you think anything off there would help distract yourself. Let me know what you think.

I hope you're ok, feel free to message me.

Vicky

[13reasonswhy]

Originally Posted by Victoria ♥

Hey Cassidy,

I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling. I just wanted to quickly reply to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way. There's lots of people both on and off TeenHelp that will be here to support you with how you're feeling at the moment, me being one of them.

You said you have a counsellor, which is great, and i'm wondering whether he/she knows whether you're feeling this way again at the moment? What happened last time you shared with your counsellor how you were feeling? Do you think you could try talking to them again?

I do want to try to help you Cassidy, but you haven't said much about what's going on at the moment that's left you feeling this way. Do you know what it is that's causing you to feel this unhappy? Maybe if you tried talking about/writing down how you feel it would help things. I'm sorry for all the questions.

Something that might be worth thinking about is calling a helpline. And there's always HelpLINK and livehelp here on TeenHelp. Or maybe at the moment it would be a good idea for you to try doing something to cheer yourself up or take your mind off things. Maybe watching TV/going into the chat room/reading/painting your nails would help. Even though TeenHelps alternatives thread is aimed more towards distracting yourself when you get the urge to self harm, you could always take a look at the list and see if you think anything off there would help distract yourself. Let me know what you think.

I hope you're ok, feel free to message me.

Vicky

I have shared with my counselor I am suicidal. Last time I talked to her though, I wasn't thinking about it. Actually, I walked out of her office, in a surprsily happy mood. I was happy all through that day, but of course, that day (last thursday) came to an end, and I had to wake up on Friday. To answer your question, I honestly don't know why I'm so unhappy. I am verbally abused at home, but my grades are fine. I have a few friends, none too close, but friends. The person I care most about are my dogs, and my counselor. They mean the world to me. And I have them right now. So I don't know why I feel this way, I just do

[Victoria ♥]

Sometimes it can be difficult to think of the reasons why we feel the way we do. Even if you don't know the exact reason why you're feeling like this, it doesn't make the way you're feeling any less painful. Sometimes we just feel rubbish without knowing why, and that's okay. I can imagine that if things are difficult at home though it won't be helping. Who is it at home that's speaking to you like this? Do you think you could try talking to them and explaining to them it's upsetting you?
I'm glad you have your dogs and counsellor in your life and it seems they're helping things at the moment. When are you next seeing your counsellor?

[13reasonswhy]

Originally Posted by Victoria ♥

Sometimes it can be difficult to think of the reasons why we feel the way we do. Even if you don't know the exact reason why you're feeling like this, it doesn't make the way you're feeling any less painful. Sometimes we just feel rubbish without knowing why, and that's okay. I can imagine that if things are difficult at home though it won't be helping. Who is it at home that's speaking to you like this? Do you think you could try talking to them and explaining to them it's upsetting you?
I'm glad you have your dogs and counsellor in your life and it seems they're helping things at the moment. When are you next seeing your counsellor?

My family speak to me like that. And my next meeting with her is Thursday (shes a school counselor so I can see her before that if I want) If I have the guts to do what I just planned to do tomorrow, I will see her tomorrow as well

[Victoria ♥]

I'm sorry to hear your family are speaking to you like that Cassidy. Do they know how it's upsetting you?
I really think it would be a good idea if you could try talking to her tomorrow. How would you feel about writing down everything that's on your mind and everything you want to tell her about and taking it to her?

[13reasonswhy]

Originally Posted by Victoria ♥

I'm sorry to hear your family are speaking to you like that Cassidy. Do they know how it's upsetting you?
I really think it would be a good idea if you could try talking to her tomorrow. How would you feel about writing down everything that's on your mind and everything you want to tell her about and taking it to her?

I'm used to be treated like that, I guess. And yes, they know. They know I',m a cutter too. They know all of it. It doesn't change anything. My plan was, since my English teacher knows everything that's going on with me as well, I was going to take the note I'm writing right now, give it to her, let her read it, and then have her take it to my counselor. I have given my counselor suicide notes in the past, and I can't see her face when she reads this one. It causes her so much pain. Thats why I'm debating on even doing that or not. I don't like when she's in pain

[MusicIsEverything]

Then live for your counselor! All these people around you care about you more than you know. Please let yourself live, for all of us. Whatever is hurting you, and I know how bad it can be because I feel the same way a lot of the time, IT IS NOT WORTH DYING FOR. Please don't kill yourself. <3

[Victoria ♥]

Cassidy, if you end your life so many people will be in pain. I don't know if saying that is the right thing or not, but people love and care for you and losing someone close to you is always difficult, but sometimes more so when it's through something like this. I just really hope that through talking on here and in PM and through getting support elsewhere we can work together to help think of a way to move forward. I can tell how unhappy you are Cassidy, but please don't think that this is your only option.
Rather than writing a note explaining what you're planning on doing, maybe instead/as well as that you could try writing a note to your counsellor explaining that you need her help and that you're feeling desperate.

[minniemouseprincess]

Victoria's right, people's lives will change if you die Cassidy and I don't mean for the good. Your councilor will never be able to live with herself because she will prob feel like she could have done more. And I think deep down, your family would also be devastated. I know it seems like they treat you like crap. But i DO think underneath all the crap, they somehow care. When people lose loved ones in their life at anytime, it scarres them. And losing someone to suicide, those are the worst scars ever. People don't forget. It will stay with them forever. If you REALLY care about your councelor, don't kill yourself. Do this for her, but also do it for yourself. You have so much in life worth getting to do. Like i've told so many other people, you haven't really begun to live. We are all put here for a reason and until we fulfill that reason, we stay. Your reason hasn't been fulfilled. Nobody knows what their reason is, but for all you know, your reason could be to change someone's life. If you weren't around, then what would happen to them? What im trying to say is just please, don't check out early. You deserve to live.