Depression is getting worse

[Green Clover]

I'm 14 and today I tried scratching myself on the arm with a nail for the first time and now I have a lot of scratch marks but to be honest I actually want to do more than that. I know I have been showing symptoms of depression since last year and I feel like I'm starting to get more and more symptoms and they're getting worse. I'm so sick of my life and how stressful it is. I have been bullied throughout my life for whatever reason people could think of. In school, people used to hate me for no reason and I was unhappy about it but I thought I got over it but I guess it adds to the lead up of my depression. But school's not the only reason, my mom also adds to my feelings. I know I have extremely low self esteem and I hate how I look and this isn't the only reason but I wear glasses and it makes my self esteem worse. I feel it's so inconvenient and a pain to wear. I tried to ask my mom if I can get contacts but she and her friends keep saying that I'm too young and that it's bad for my eyes and that doctors recommend that younger kids shouldn't get contacts. I would believe it if they actually had proof but there is no such evidence and I haven't even checked for contacts yet at the optometrist. So many people my age have them and yet I feel like I'm the only one who is stuck with a low self esteem which can't be improve. I know I sound spoil but I just want to spill my feelings out. My mom also expects too much from me and I can't handle it. I just feel like I have no where to escape to. I just want to die.....I'm sick of school, my mom, my life and everything. I just don't want to handle it anymore....I don't want to feel like crap anymore. I sound like a spoiled stupid kid, I know but when I'm crying, I can't even read what I wrote. I'm sick of my constant headaches and my constant frustration. I am sick of feeling like no one cares or that I can't trust anyone in this world besides myself.

[minniemouseprincess]

Im sorry you feel this way=( Does your mom know how much you'd like to get contacts? I don't know how good they'd be for you but i've never read anything about them being bad for young people. My best friend got hers when she was about 15 or 16 so not that much older than you. She's fine. I'd go in and talk to your eye doctor about it and bring your mom so she hears what the doctor has to say. Don't start cutting/scratching yourself though dude=( Once you start, stopping can be very hard. It just makes you worse off. There's nothing good about it. Don't get into that. If you are feeling depressed, i'd talk to someone who can help you. Go to the school counceler or have your mom get you a therapist. I know that stuff can be scary. But look at it this way, the person won't judge you. And you only see the person once a week. She/he is only in your life for a hour a week. And they are also supposed to help you. Thats their job. They are there to listen and offer advice. And who knows, maybe you will benefit from it. If you ever need to talk to someone, you can talk to me=)

[Anonimous]

Hey,
Yea i know i just joined this forum but since someone helped me i want to do something back:

I got depressed around the same age as you. I know it feels terrible every day.
But seriously, Dont scratch/cut or hurt yourself in any way. I did it too and i still regret it. I cant do the sport i love, I cant go swimming with friends, I cant go to the beach. And im so sick of not being able to wear a damn t-shirt.

I dont know how bad your depression is but it will get better eventually. If you got any friends just try to talk to them if you aren't able to get a therapist. And about the bullies, Report them to your teacher/school counselor. If that doesn't help there might be a nice strong guy who can stand up for you, Or you can try to boost your self-esteem with some martial arts practise. Well, Im not sure of any of this will help but this is the best i can say.

Good luck.