Need some advice.

[Anonimous]

Hey, This is my first post.
I'd like to be anonymous or however you spell that so i wont tell you my name.
Anyways, Im 16 years old.
I need some advice on a problem i have.

Well ill try to short the story but here it goes:
I was 13 almost 14 when i got really depressed for about 1 year and im also suicidal. I failed though fortunatly. It was because im not completely sane and i loved(still do tho) a girl. She liked me too but she didnt love me wich caused me to think nobody cared about me and i wanted to die. So i had been very depressed/suicidal for a year wich really fucked my mind up. Oh btw i smoked weed also around that age wich could probally had some effect too.

The girl let me believe i still had a chance for a long time and that drove me insane. Then i ignored her for 3 weeks before a long vacation and then ignored her for 2 more years. I still thought about what happened evryday and i felt/feel really guilty about what i done to her(I was kinda insane at that time and did some crazy stuff).

2 months ago she told my friend she wants to speak to me again. I wanted to do that too since i wanted to apologize for what i had done to her. I didnt get the chance to talk to her though until last weekend when i saw her at a party i was at(My life has been on track since about 1.5 year, the other 1.5 year i smoked weed evryday to stay happy, I now smoke waaay less weed) I was drinked some beers so i wasn't that anxious to finally talk to her, And i was really happy when i did.

Now i talk to her at school too. But i can't help falling in love with her again, I think about her a lot. And that is kinda annoying to cause now i feel restless. And if i do it would probally destroy me. But i also feel so happy and less social anxious when i talk to her(Since my depression i got a bit of social anxiety and pessimistic). So im kinda in a dillema here. Should i tell her i cant talk/be friends with her because i will fall in love with her and ill go insane again. Or should i try to stay friends and somehow not fall in love with her? Atm she makes me happy but if this goes on i might go insane again.
Sorry for the long boring story, But pls help me out here.

Thanks anyways.
Anonimous(Oh btw i dont think this needs a prefix but if it does pls correct me)

[SoraKat]

Alright, well for one, im glad you found a site where you can come for support My advice would be to let things happen as they happen... but put yourself first. Get your life on track, stop smoking completely, dont become an alcoholic, and remember who you are and who you want to be.

If you like being with her, then be with her, but I wouldnt say anythign... just see how things play out give her a chance to fall in love too before you scare her away.

i hope that helps somewhat, but if you disagree, go with what you want to do follow your heart.

<3 Sora

[minniemouseprincess]

You should do whatever YOU think its right, whatever you think is best for YOU. If you don't feel like being her friend is best for you because you think it will hurt you more than help you, don't be her friend. If you think being her friend will help you more than hurt you, stay her friend. This is a decision we can't really make for you. But I do think you should do whatever makes you happy. And like the poster said above me, do yourself a huge favor and stop with the smoking and drinking. Help yourself first. From your description thing, it says you are only 16. Thats WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too young for such things. And these things don't even make things better or help you. In the long run, they make you worse off. You can beat this if you really try. You can be the person you wanna be if you really try. It all has to do with what you chose to do.

[Anonimous]

Hmn ok thank you both for advice
Stopping with smoking weed will be really hard cause i also sleep really bad, especially with the girl on my mind. Atm i only smoke weed before i go to sleep. But i can try it ofcourse.. I only drink in weekend though, I dont wanna be an alcoholic. I feel depression coming up cause i know she will never love me.
And it sucks cause i am not able to love any girl like the way i love her.
I feel like she is the only one that i will ever love. So i guess my love life is screwed anyways. Im just going to see what happens and i hope i wont get depressed. Thanks a lot