Triggering (Suicide): My 13 Reasons Why

[icegirl]

Have any of you read "13 Reasons Why?" When I read it, I thought it was going to be a story of someone worse off than me, somebody to make me feel like what I've gone through isn't so bad. Of course, I've found that here. But that book didn't give a real 13 reasons. All I could think of afterward were my 13 reasons. I know it's weird and suicidal and messed up, but here they are:

1) A year and a half ago, my parents divorced. It was messy. Fights all the time. My father crying in the middle of the nroight when he thought we were asleep. My mother becoming a workaholic. It's nothing like people say it is. There's no way to choose sides when your siblings are being hurt, when you can't drown out the sound of your bawling.

2) As a result of reason 1, my father's alcohol habit has grown steadily worse. He also smokes pot regularly, as I have recently discovered.

3) My mother drinks more often than my father. She drinks with her boyfriend, prissy drinks, like champagne, until they're laughing at their own stupid jokes.

4) My mother's boyfriend is atrocious. The opposite of my funny, blue-collar father, he is a rich, snobby, socioally-retarded jerk. He likes to use big words to make you feel stupid, even correcting you when he feels like you've used a word wrong. It's not even the fact that he's dating my mother, he's just a complete d-bag.

5)My father lives over an hour away. I used to think his girlfriend kept him safe, made sure he didn't do anything stupid when he was drunk, but then I walked in on her getting high with him. I worry constantly.

6) I get flashbacks. I think it might be PTSD, but my mom says I just have a low threshold for pain. I have bad dreams about things that happened before my dad met his new girlfriend. Him and his roommate at the apartment he lived in used to get drunk every night. I wouldn't sleep. They'd play loud music. When it quieted down, though, it would get worse. My dad would sit in the kitchen, thinking us all asleep, beer in hand, and cry his eyes out. He didn't sleep. What he didn't know was that I didn't either. I suspect my sister and brother didn't either. I've had other flashbacks, too: me stuffing my face until I puked to make myself sick enough to sleep, my dad getting in a fight with a friend who was crazy, crying with my brother when he threatened suicide, fighting with my mom about the cause of it all. I still can't sleep more than 4 to 6 hours at a time, on weekends.

7) My dad's roommate died. He was like a mascot. He wasn't smart, and he was constantly drunk, but he was one of the nicest people I met. He never said a mean thing, and he helped my dad through one of the toughest times in his life. Other than being loud and eating the good junk food when he got the munchies, he was one of the best guys around. Only, after my dad moved in with his girlfriend, he got really drunk alone one night. He fell asleep while cooking something. The fire died out, but the smoke killed him. I found out the day of a big dance when I was going to a friends house. I went anyway and cried in the bathroom after everyone went to sleep.

8) School is hell. The teachers are condescending. I take advanced classes, because I want to be some sort of writer, and I need to make it to a good college. So the work load is hell. I'm socially awkward and find no relief. Science and math make me want to crumple my homework and throw it at the wall. I used to be known as the smart one. Now I'm the one who argues with teachers, doodles obsessively, scrawls little poems, and wears muted colors.

9)I have an eating problem. Even though I am only a teeny bit chunky, I've always been a yo-yo dieter. I obsessively eat or obsessively starve, and I desperately search for a middle ground, but I can't find one. So my pants size keeps getting bigger.

10) They call me judgemental: my mom, my grandparents, my friends, everybody. My mom because I know she's in denial about being an alcoholic. It isn't normal to get buzzed daily and drunk every weekend. She drinks a full bottle of wine or champagne every night. Her boyfriend pretends it isn't a big deal, but he started the whole damn thing. My grandparents just take my mom's side. My friends think I'm pessimistic.

11)I can't get a relationship. I'm fourteen and I've never even been on a date. I don't think I'm that ugly, but I guess my whole quiet, moody thing doesn't really attract guys. But, seriously, I don't want to be the next 40-year-old virgin.

12)Ever since I've been put on antidepressants, I haven't had my manic edge when it comes to painting and writing. I used to get inspired and work for days. Now, I'm lucky if I get a good hour in every few days. And I can't just pretend to take them, because I'm physically dependent on them. I get sick if I don't.

13) I've always been searching for meaning. I've tried religion. I've read the bible and found it hypocritical and honestly stupid. I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Judaism, Islam, and even Hinduism. I've searched philosophy. Nothing. The most I know is that I want to be a famous writer. But what makes a difference, anyway? The cuts on my arm, which I've revealed to nobody I know, sure don't. What I say doesn't. What I do doesn't. So why should I exist?

I don't plan on commiting suicide anytime soon. I'm still searching for reasons why not. Feel free to post your own 13 reasons why. I'm sure we could all learn from them.

[Rosana]

I've read it. It made me mad. In the end Hannah just wanted to die- her 13 reasons were just an excuse, a way to guilt others.

I have absolutely no problem with suicide (I don't think it's morally wrong). But I feel like leaving tapes blaming others is just plain wrong.

[icegirl]

I know, right? Like, was she too good to just leave a note? And her reasons weren't even very traumatic. She basically just got called a slut and overreact ed. I might be a wimp about my problems, but I feel like the author of that book didn't really know what they were talking about.

[Rosana]

Her reasons, like witnessing a rape, being raped herself (more or less), and basically being told by her teacher to get over it are good reasons to go to police.

Well, it was written by a man- but that's really no excuse.

And haha, such a "clever" title, 13 reasons why, Hannah Baker, a Baker's dozen.

[duckiedancer]

I just read it and honestly I didn't have my first date until I was 16 years old sure it was torture waiting for a guy to finally notice me, it took a couple of jerks along the way, but in my opinion, I'm glad I waited because I found an amazing guy, so if anyone has this "amazing boyfriend" just wait, yours will be coming. Just be patient (harder said then done I know)

[stefanie_m]

As far as the book goes...those 13 reasons why could be a lot more hurtful to her than it would be to you.
They may not be excuses. If someone honestly believes they want to die, does it matter the reason? That's still a person, wanting to die.
It could be something you'd find laughable, such as "my sloth died last week!" but to that person, maybe the sloth was the only thing they had that kept them wanting to live. Feeding it and taking care of it could essentially be what keeps them motivated to live themselves. If they lose that, they lose the drive to live.
You should never dumb down someone's reasons for wanting to die, because you don't know how they feel.

And about witnessing rape and being raped, sometimes going to the police isn't an option. If you're very young, and it's someone related, and they threaten your life if you tell, yeah that's a pretty solid reason to keep your mouth shut.

Suicide is suicide. It hurts everyone. No reason is greater or less than any other.
To someone, what you think is stupid has ruined their life.

[stefanie_m]

However, now that i've read her 13 reasons why...
I see that she placed blame on everyone else as being her reasons.
People, not events. And that should never be done.


But if the book, in itself, helps others...it's worth it.